Training a Submissive in a D/s Relationship LB048

John Brownstone joins Kayla Lords in episode 48 to talk about training in a D/s relationship.

In this episode:

  • We’re planning for the one year anniversary of the podcast at the end of August with a giveaway of kinky fuckery from our favorite kinky shops. More details coming soon!
  • After the show on responsibilities, a friend said she might not be submissive because she’s so bad at being responsible. The answer to this is training.
  • Training is highly personal and unique to each D/s relationship.
  • The responsibility for training and guiding a submissive to help create the D/s relationship you both want lies mainly with the Dominant. Submissives have to be willing to participate, though.
  • Submissives don’t have to be – and shouldn’t be expected to be – perfect during training. The willingness to try is most important.
  • Dominants need to be consistent.
  • Dominants should communicate their needs and expectations clearly and in detail.
  • Submissives should be free to ask questions if there’s confusion or a concern.
  • Dominants should create consequences for misbehavior and missteps. Communicate those clearly so a submissive knows what to expect.
  • Appreciation and gratitude are powerful tools for training and can be more effective than harsh punishment or consequences.
  • Training never stops, and tasks can and should be adjusted as a relationship grows and changes over time.
  • Because you’re both learning about each other, in a D/s relationship, you’re both being trained but in different ways.
  • Take your training slow. Don’t throw a list of a dozen or more rules and tasks at a submissive and expect them to get it all right immediately.
  • Dominants who are new and unsure of how to proceed or where to begin with training should reach out to other Dominants you respect in the local community for guidance.

Links from the show:

The Responsibilities of a Dominant and a Submissive (podcast episode)

Follow Kayla on Twitter

Stalk John Brownstone

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone


  • HGsBlueEyedBG

    Reply Reply January 15, 2018

    I love that you say this world both ways. When My Love and I first got together I would take his boots off of him at the end of the day, and at first it bothered him. He’s very self reliant and he would always say “well, thank you but I can do that.” Finally one day he asked me why I always wanted to do that and once I explained he understood that it was important to me and now will actually say “I’m ready to take my shoes off.” and of course I respond by removing his shoes/boots. LOVE THIS EPISODE!!!

    • Kayla Lords

      Reply Reply January 16, 2018

      It’s a change of mindset for everyone, on both sides of the slash. 🙂

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