The Loving BDSM Podcast

Tag: kink of the week (page 1 of 2)

On Shaving and Hair Removal

Shaving, the current Kink of the Week topic, has so many connotations.

Maybe you see the word and you think of shaving your pubic hair. Or you think of beards. When I see the word, I immediately think of my legs. That’s probably because I’ve been shaving them for 30-plus years.

John Brownstone and I have a dichotomous relationship with this method of removing hair.

Pubic Hair Removal

I refuse to shave my vulva, because I hate stubble. Neither of us is opposed to hair removal, though. So I wax. It’s an important enough thing to us that we worked the cost into our household budget. Yes, technically it’s a luxury, but we treat it like a necessity.

Keeping your pubes (or not) brings up strong feelings for some people. I’ve heard and read all the comments about wanting people with vulvas to look more child-like or feeling “dirty” with pubic hair. And I’ve heard and read about how awful that is and down with the patriarchy, and all of that.

The fact is that I have really coarse hair (all over the damn place), and I never, ever liked my pubes. Right after my divorce, I got my first Brazilian, and I’ve never looked back. I was single (and NOT looking to mingle) at the time. It’s a practice I’ve continued because I love how it feels.

But, keep your cold razor away from my vulva. I know what happens to my legs after a day or two of not shaving, and there’s no way I’m doing that to my pussy.

Growing a Beard

So you’d think that by having a beard, John Brownstone doesn’t want to shave either. Actually, he takes shaving very seriously. How serious?

He made his own shaving brush and razor (the handle, not the blade). He uses very specific shaving creams and soaps. His “shaving kit” travels with us. It gets its own place of honor in our suitcase.

Yep, shaving is serious business around here.

And it makes sense. He may have a beard, but he wants it to look a certain way. While he may not shave his entire face, he wants to keep the lines clean. He hates looking “bushy” or like a wild man.

He uses a safety razor that knicks and slices too easily. He tells me he has to be very careful and needs more practice. I know that when I walk in on him shaving, I have to be quiet and not startle him. But he loves it and won’t use anything else.


For the record, he also (from time to time) shaves his pubes. He doesn’t use the good razor for that — mostly because such a sharp blade has no business near his junk. A multi-blade disposable gets the job done.

So my lack of pubes isn’t some grotesque desire to make me seem younger or whatever. And he’s the type who thinks if it’s good enough for me, it’s good enough for him. We’ve got an equal-opportunity pube-removal thing going on over here.

While he doesn’t do it as consistently as I do, we both love it when he shaves. He’s much more sensitive, and I spend less time spitting hair out of my mouth after a blowjob.

Shaving Each Other

Since no blade is allowed near my junk, the kink of being shaved by him isn’t an option. And I prefer to shave my own legs, thank you very much.

He’s teased and said maybe he should have me shave him. But I know how badly I can knick my leg — after 30 years of experience!! The idea of controlling the blade makes me more than a little nervous.

Plenty of people love the intimacy of shaving their partner or being shaved by them. For us, it just doesn’t work. But we both love the end results.

Now we’re curious. Do you have strong feelings about shaving? Is it a kink of yours? Feel free to share in comments below or talk to us on Twitter!

Role Play vs. D/s Relationships

If you’ve listened to the podcast, you’ve probably heard me say (a lot!) that I’m no fan of role play, while John Brownstone’s got some seriously steamy fantasies that he wishes I’d try with him. Role play is a legitimate way to explore sexual desires, try new things, and have more kinky fuckery together. It’s just not my thing.

Have you ever had someone throw your D/s dynamic back in your face as “some weird role play shit?” I have. (Damn those internet trolls.)

So let’s talk about the differences between role play and D/s.

Note: You can play with D/s as part of your role play, and you can absolutely incorporate role play into your D/s. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. But they’re also not the same thing, either.

Role Play

In role play, the definition is in the name — you and your partner play a role, a part. You pretend to be someone you’re not. Typically this is part of some fantasy you have or as a way to express a desire. The vast majority of role play is sexual, even if it doesn’t end in sex. I won’t say that all role play is sexual, because as soon as I do, someone will have an example saying otherwise. But when someone slips on their nurse’s outfit and hands a stethoscope to their partner, the end goal is often sex.

And like a role in a play, it’s something you can start and end at any given moment. Just like the costume that you may or may not wear comes off at the end, so does the part you played. You’re not the naughty schoolboy with the sexy head mistress all the time…are you?

Role play gives you the chance to try out different desires, to play pretend in a sexy way, and to explore new things in what can feel like a safer environment. It’s not you who begged to be ravished by multiple cocks on the deck of this pirate ship. Your character wanted it! (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

For the record, I might be distinctly turned off by role play, but I can see its benefits, too. And for the people who enjoy it, I know they have a lot of fun.

D/s Relationships

While outsiders may call the power exchange between a Dominant and a submissive “role play,” it’s not. I get why people might think it, of course. When we scene, we sometimes wear costumes and pull out props. Our props of choice are weapons of ass destruction while yours may be something different. We speak to each other in ways that don’t fit into everyday vanilla conversations. And yes, we talk about our “role” in the relationship.

More than anything, the difference between role play and D/s is the intent.

  • My “role” within the relationship is no different than my “role” as a parent. It’s not something I turn off and turn on. It’s a part of who I am, even when I’m not actively in that role.
  • The clothes and props may enhance a scene, but they’re not needed for me to know who’s in charge and who isn’t.
  • A scene can have elements of role play in it, but it’s (for us, at least) an expression of our D/s relationship. It’s typically a combination of the physical, mental, and emotional.

So yes, from the outside looking in, from the perspective of someone who doesn’t know any different, D/s might look like role play. But we know who and what we are, and that’s all that matters.

Some might argue that bedroom only D/s might be a form of role play. Maybe it is for some people, but I doubt that’s true for the majority. They’re still Dominant and submissive the rest of the time. They only express it in a specific place.

Transitioning From Role Play Into D/s

I’ve always thought that all role play had some element of a power exchange, even if only lightly. Think of the stereotypical scenes: student/teacher, cop/robber, nurse/doctor, patient/doctor, even plumber and hot wife. Who gets the power between you is up to you and your imagination, but most of the time someone has it.

So when people have asked me how they can try out D/s or see if their partner enjoys it, I’ve suggested trying role play. Not as a substitute for communication or consent, but to keep the moment light and easy. To take the pressure off both people and make it something playful. After you play, it’s time to talk. Did you like it? Does it feel good? Would you like more of it? What if it wasn’t just role play?

That’s not a good option for everyone. But if the sexy aspect of D/s is more appealing than the serious responsibility of power exchange, it’s one way to try it out and use it as a starting point.

You can also use role play as a way to try different kink identities or types of play in your power exchange.

When people decide  something is a part of their kink identity, they tend to place a lot of weight and expectations on what they do next. (It immediately becomes Very Serious.) But exploring a desire shouldn’t have to always be so serious. If role play takes the pressure off, try out a new thing that way first before making it part of your power exchange.

Bottomline: Role play and D/s aren’t the same thing. They’re two separate things to enjoy and explore. Can they be incorporated together? Of course they can! Do both have a place in a D/s relationship? Of course they do! But how you explore and what you do is between you and your partner.

Is it the Accent or the Person?

The latest Kink of the Week topic is all about voices, accents, and languages. The prompt asks whether they’re a kink of yours — why or why not.

For me, accents can be sexy. I’m partial to a British, Scottish, or Irish accent, but they’re not a kink of mine.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t been affected by them, either.

Before I met John Brownstone, I was in another D/s relationship. He had a leftover Brooklyn accent from a childhood spent in New York. His voice was deep and sexy, especially when he turned on the Dom Voice™ and (consensually) used it against me.

He could send shivers up my spine and warmth straight to my cunt.

One night I confessed that I enjoyed certain accents. He confessed that he’d wanted to be an actor as a kid and had practiced accents until he got good at them. I giggled and demanded that he prove it. (I was a total babygirl before I knew I was a babygirl.)

He spent the next 20 minutes telling me how and where to touch myself in a thick Irish accent. I almost forgot he was anything but some rogue from an old bodice-ripping romance novel.  As long as he spoke in that voice, I think I would have done or said anything — and not just because he was the Dom to my sub.

Was it a form of role play? I tell myself no, because I really don’t enjoy role play. And he never pretended to be someone else. Although he definitely fit right into my fantasies of what sexy sounded like.

Was I turned on by the accent, him, or a bit of both? I vote for both. No one else could have said those things and commanded my attention and response but him. That he did it in an accent I enjoyed made it that much hotter.

I don’t hear accents and get immediately wet. But when I hear one I like, I look to see if they appeal to me on a superficial level. If there’s such a thing as “points,” adding an accent to an appealing physical presence (what appeals to me might not appeal to you), becomes a bit of a bonus.

Are accents a kink or fetish in general? Of course they are because everything is a kink or fetish for someone.

Would I mind if a sexy accent (consensually) whispered dirty, kinky fuckery in my ear? Nope, not at all. But the person behind the accent will always matter more.

Indulge my curiosity…are there any voices, accents, or languages that turn you on? Share in the comments or talk to us on Twitter!

8 Things to Know About Scratching

Raking your nails down your partner’s back during good sex. Adding a bit of spice during a back rub. Getting your partner’s attention when their back is turned.

These are just some of the ways John Brownstone and I have experienced scratching in our kinky play. Oh, and did I mention primal sex that’s rougher and more animalistic than just “good sex?” Rawr.

You don’t have to know much about scratching before you do it, and like anything, you can make it as kinky as you want. As always, your experience will be unique to you, but here are a few things to think about if you decide to play with scratching.

It’s Sensation Play

Scratching is nothing more than a form of sensation play. You can lightly skim your nails down your partner’s skin or really dig in and leave marks. It’s up to what you both enjoy, especially the partner being scratched. For first-timers, try it light and gradually increase the intensity until you figure out what’s too much/enough. That may be all you need or want or you might find you (or your partner) are begging to have blood drawn.

Scratching Makes Great Marks

Scratches definitely leave behind great marks. Depending on your body, you might need a lot of scratching or very little. When John Brownstone scratches me, even his lightest touch leaves behind some pink. Only during our really primal moments (where we go extra wild) has he left behind scratches that actually stuck around for a few days. Some people play with scratching specifically for the marks they can leave behind.

Scratching Isn’t Just a Top/Dom Thing

During wild sex, I’ve raked my nails down John Brownstone’s back and turned him into a wild animal. (It’s sexy as fuck, y’all.) Yes, he’s definitely the one in control as Dominant, but I’m giving him pleasure – which has nothing to do with D or s. Of course, you can make it a kinky act in your scene, controlled and meted out by the top or Dom. But it can also be something either of you do in a different kind of moment.

Keep Your Nails Clean

If scratching becomes a regular part of your play (or you think it will be something you do), make sure your hands and nails are as clean as possible. You might not intend to draw blood or that might be exactly your goal. Dirt and bacteria in an open wound can lead to infections and other problems that are the least sexy things you can imagine.

Clawing Counts, Too

I was reminded (while writing this) that when I start feeling primal, I’ll dig my nails into his butt or hip while he fucks me. He growled while remembering it, so it’s safe to say he enjoys it. Digging your nails in is definitely an abbreviated form of scratching but it definitely works. I focus on fleshy parts of the body for this like his butt. Wrap your hands around your partner and dig in.

Try It During a Massage

As with any form of scratching (and every other kinky play) you need the consent of your partner first. If sensual massage is something you enjoy, running your nails down your partner’s back – lightly or heavily – adds another dimension to what they’re feeling. Because we like pain, John Brownstone starts out light (and laughs at the goosebumps) and progresses to a heavier, deeper scratch to watch me squirm and hear me squeal.

You Don’t Have to Be a Masochist To Like It

The fact that John Brownstone is a definite sadist (and hates pain) but loves scratching is my proof. He likes it when I run my nails gently down his back during a quick massage, and he loves the primal sexy scratching and clawing. You don’t have to label yourself a masochist to enjoy being scratched, especially since it doesn’t have to be painful. Remember, it’s a sensation, like any other, and if you enjoy it, it doesn’t make you less or more of anything.

You Don’t Need Long Nails

If your nails are bitten down to the quick, scratching likely won’t happen. But even relatively short nails can still create plenty of sensation. Some people love keeping their nails long specifically for scratching. I never think that far ahead but I always notice a difference when I run my nails over John Brownstone’s head and down his back when my nails are a little longer. Grow your nails out or don’t — as long as you’ve got even a little bit, you’ll likely make your partner feel something.

If you enjoy scratching, how do you like to play with it? Hard and heavy, light and soft, something in the middle? Or are you like John Brownstone and myself who love it all? Share in the comments!

For the Love of Boots

The current Kink of the Week is all about boots. While I (Kayla) own and love them, my feelings are nothing compared to John Brownstone’s. So I asked if he’d share his love and fetish for boots with y’all. If you relate, feel free to comment below! 

I suppose it’s no big secret, but I love boots. Even before I even knew what a fetish was I loved seeing someone wearing them.

Living in the Deep South, I don’t get to seem them most of the year. Only on the really cold days. Most people look forward to beach weather, putting on their bathing suit, and heading to the beach. Not me.

I’m waiting for the cooler weather to hit so the boots will come out.

From an Early Age

I’m not sure what it even is about them. All I know is that when I see a woman wearing a pair, I melt and my blood pumps. Many people love a good set of heels (which are nice in their own right), but to me, they don’t hold a candle to boots.

As a kid, I remember watching Nancy Sinatra on TV. She and her boots mesmerized me. Between the song and being completely aware of what she was wearing, I was sucked right in.

I Love to Wear Them, Too

I own several pairs myself, so it’s not just a voyeuristic thing. I have a pair of riding boots for when I’m out on the motorcycle. Then there are my dress boots.

Wearing a pair gives me a feeling of power. They’re strong, and they grip my feet, tight and firm. I love walking into a room in a pair of boots, the heavy sound as the soles make contact with the floor. The solid pace of my gait.

As a motorcycle rider, I wear them for safety first. But I always watch other riders to check out what they’re wearing. Even motorcycle boots have a certain sexiness about them. When Kayla rides with me, she wears riding boots that come up over her calf, black leather that zips up the side. The open road, the rumble of the cycle’s motor, and rolling down the road on two wheels and those boots.

At the Club

At the club, there is always a mix of boots and heels. I love all the styles and looks that walk through the door. From simple slip-on to zipper style, lace-up, high-heeled, and even some studded boots. Being at the club on fetish night is like being a kid in a candy shop for me.

I watch, but I don’t creep. I admire but keep it to myself. Well, except when Kayla leans in and says, “I see them, too. Nice.”

I can’t pinpoint one specific reason why I like them so much. Maybe it’s the leather. The feel of it, soft and smooth. That fresh unmistakable smell.

Or is it the sound a pair makes across the ground, that solid sound of well-placed footsteps. Maybe it’s all of that and more that make them so attractive to me.

When Kayla and I go shopping and get to a shoe store, I make a beeline to the boot section. I want to see if I can find something for her, and on several occasions, we’ve come out with something sexy and hot.

Yeah, there’s something about boots, both wearing them and seeing them on someone else, gets my motor revved.

“Are you ready…?”
“Start walking!

Do you have a boot fetish? Or any other article of clothing that gets you hot? Feel free to share!

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