When the Submissive Leads the Transition from Vanilla to D/s LB096

Episode 96 of Loving BDSM when a submissive leads the transition

In episode 96, we talk about transitioning your relationship from vanilla to kink when the submissive leads their Dominant partner – at least in the beginning as they’re learning.

In this episode:

  • Enter our 2 Year Anniversary giveaway!
  • What does it mean when the submissive leads the transition to D/s
  • Leading is not topping from the bottom
  • You must be patient
  • Consider the way you share information, point in the right direction, and communicate as a way of serving your Dom
  • Not every relationship is meant to transition. Your partner might not be a Dominant or want to go in that path.

Links from the show:

Loving BDSM giveaway

5 Ways Submissives Can Support Their Dominants Who are New to D/s

Making the Switch from Vanilla to D/s (Episode 16)

Kink of the Week Entry: Kinky Titles are Different for All of Us

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John Brownstone on Fetlife

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10 Comments

  • SantaJoe

    Reply Reply August 18, 2017

    Interesting point of view.

    I am still trying to learn to be a Dominant and be respectful to a willing submissive to make the relationship fulfilling for us as a couple.

    My last relationship I was involved in for twenty years began in a manner that I thought D/s would develop but my submissive decided she did not want to be submissive because she felt it was demeaning and that it made her a doormat.
    I was at a loss to change her point of view and I continued my interest in D/s without involving her. This led to the demise of our marriage. I did not attempt to Dominate others but talked with submissives about what I would enjoy hoping to find a doorway to entice my wife into being my submissive.
    These conversations upset my wife and over time deteriorated her trust in me. We are now going through divorce.
    I do not want to repeat the same mistakes.

    • Kayla Lords

      Reply Reply August 20, 2017

      I am so sorry that happened. Relationships have definitely ended over an incompatibility with kink. Good luck in the divorce process (sometimes it’s not pretty) and I hope you’re able to find a relationship that works for you at some point in the future.

    • Pixie

      Reply Reply August 26, 2017

      I’m so sorry that your last relationship went wrong and you did not get what you needed from it. But I would just say if someone is not into it , no mater how or what you do to try change their mind or out look , its not going to happen. They cant make themselves like or enjoy it, even if they love you with their whole heart. I hope you find what you are looking for this time around ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Nomad

    Reply Reply August 19, 2017

    This post is spot on! I am a new Dominant and I will have to share this with my sub because we are struggling with figuring things out. I’m pretty sure that it’s mostly communication.

    • Kayla Lords

      Reply Reply August 20, 2017

      Most of the time, it probably is. Good luck, and I hope this helps!

  • herwolf

    Reply Reply August 20, 2017

    I’d say this isn’t just an issue for new dominants. Even clicking with a sub that is outside the “norm” this is all very good advice.

    • Kayla Lords

      Reply Reply August 20, 2017

      That’s good to know. I’m not always sure how much of the “newbie” info still holds true once you gain some experience. But it makes sense because every relationship is different. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Pixie

    Reply Reply August 22, 2017

    Hmmm this was really interesting listening! As always well thought out and presented with care and feeling!

    I kind of lead my ex to D/s in the fact I went to fetish clubs, learned about it, figured out I’m sub, took him and he wanted to be a Dom. It was not a good relationship and ended badly. (To say the least) . But i have seen first hand how a sub can take a new person to the life style and how they can grow in to each other and learn together! It’s beautiful to watch!

    Pixie X

    • Kayla Lords

      Reply Reply August 22, 2017

      Thank you, Pixie! And when in a healthy relationship, I agree, a submissive can lead a relationship into something wonderful and beautiful. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Kinky Kat

    Reply Reply August 26, 2017

    Kinkdar! ๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿป

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