LovingBDSM

The Loving BDSM Podcast

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Handling Other People’s Opinion of Your D/s Relationship LB069

Episode 69 (bow chicka wow wow) is the first episode of 2017 and after a holiday spent with friends and family, it felt right to do a topic based on a listener’s question: How do you handle the negative opinions from vanilla family and friends over your D/s relationship?

In this episode:

  • John Brownstone received a slightly judgy comment on a blog post calling our kink “abuse.”
  • A lot of us have just spent extra time around family and friends, some of who might wonder about your kinky relationship, whether you’re out or not.
  • You might get comments, looks, or judgement from those who don’t know you’re kinky but maybe notice something different.
  • Or, like at least one listener, judgement from those who do know and don’t approve.
  • Coming out to anyone about your kink is a personal decision and there’s no right or wrong answer about what to do.
  • Before you share your kinky life with others, assess possible risks – people lose jobs and kids over their kink.
  • One way to “deal” with vanilla friends and family who make snide remarks or judge you is to develop a thick skin and confidence in who you are as a kinkster and a person – but it takes time.
  • You may never change their mind, but you don’t have to. Be who you are, and they will either accept it or not.
  • If you have to, remove yourself from the conversation, change the subject, or avoid their presence (if possible).
  • If a “friend” is refusing to believe you or listen to you, and says mean, ugly things to you, are they really your friend?
  • As with other things in life where we disagree – think politics – you can still love someone you don’t understand or agree with – your family and friends should be able to do the same thing. And hopefully they will.

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681

Links from the show:

My Ongoing Internal Debate: Opening Up About Kink or Not

Aftercare and Punishment (John Brownstone)

Childcare and Divorce: Considerations for Alternative Lifestyles (NCSF)

Lyps Bag of Dicks

Building a Community Through Postcards

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

One Big Bonus Episode LB068

In episode 68, the last of 2016, John Brownstone and Kayla Lords treat the whole thing like one big bonus section. Not a lot of education, but plenty of conversation.

In this episode:

  • The postcard project that encourages people to send (and receive) snail mail.
  • I’ve got my plane ticket to London – officially.
  • We want to build a community and connect with people in more direct ways in 2017.
  • I want to share my Christmas drama and John Brownstone says, “No.” And then I whine about it a little. (A lot.)
  • Episode 69 will air Friday, January 6 – we’re taking a week off for the holidays.

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681

Links from the show:

Lyps Bag of Dicks

Building a Community Through Postcards

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

Dealing With and Understanding Subfrenzy LB067

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone talk about subfrenzy in episode 67 – what is it, how does it happen, and what are the problems that subfrenzy can cause.

In this episode:

  • What is subfrenzy? A heady emotional time when a submissive is so excited and eager to submit that they go above and beyond, are overly enthusiastic, and will sometimes submit to someone not worthy out of the sheer excitement and happiness to be submitting at all.
  • Subfrenzy is one cause of many common problems submissives face.
  • When you’re in the middle of subfrenzy, you don’t usually know you’re in it, and so it’s not something you can just snap out of.
  • Is there a Dominant equivalent? We don’t know but if anyone has an opinion, we’re definitely interested.
  • What to do if you think subfrenzy put you in a bad situation or relationship
  • Subfrenzy is why it’s important never to give up your ability to consent, communicate, and negotiate – no matter how exciting it feels to finally submit.
  • We’ve got a new community-building postcard project (details in the bonus section!).

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681

Links from the show:

Lyps Bag of Dicks

Subfrenzy Definition – Submissive Guide

Love Languages

The Danger of Subfrenzy

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

Feeling More Vanilla Than D/s LB066

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone talk about how normal it is for the vanilla stuff to make you feel less your D/s self – and what to do about it.

In this episode:

  • A special offer from Lyps: The Lyps Bag of Dicks – you can save 30{41b2ccad9c9615e377be815ad205595d71b5b6a7a02ca926ea5182d1112aa551} with my link!
  • BDSM and D/s are mostly mental. If you’re head’s not into, the kink will take a backseat.
  • When you recognize that it’s happened, say something.
  • Be prepared for kinky sex to feel off, too.
  • Make plans for playtime or a scene to help feel more “normal.”
  • It helps to be mindful of your role during the day – tasks, schedules, and routines help.
  • As a Dominant, you’ll want to be conscientiousness about helping your submissive feel their role more. Give them more to do. Ask for things you haven’t asked for in a while.
  • Having an errant thought of annoyance or not wanting to do your kinky thing is normal, and it’s not something to worry about unless it’s happening every time.
  • New relationship energy feels like it will last forever. Eventually that feeling ebbs and normalizes. This is when the these “disconnects” can occur.
  • All of this is normal. Getting back on track is the “work” of having a successful relationship.

Links from the Show:

3 Steps to Reconnect in Your D/s Relationship

When Vanilla Life Interferes With Your D/s Relationship (episode 38)

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

Our Favorite Sex Toys: 2016 Edition LB065

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone discuss the toys that added to their kinky fuckery in 2016 (so far!).

In this episode:

  • Check out the Holiday Gift Guides from Unbound Box – one for kinky fuckery and one for masturbation!
  • We started this list last year (episode 17). Not every toy we try makes our list – only the ones that created a lasting memory and that we personally recommend for fun and kinky fuckery.
  • In no particular order, here are our favorite toys we tried this year – so far. More toys are still being reviewed, but our new faves will have to wait until next year’s list.
    • Lava 3 in 1 by Intimate Melody – slow burn, slowly building orgasms
    • Bravolink Silicone Vibrator (rebranded as Lyps) – an inexpensive rabbit that felt really good (better than the high end one I’d tried a week before)
    • The Butters – lube!
    • Miss on the Go – a kegel exerciser that’s controlled by an app and lets you play with others
    • HUM vibrator – a “smart” vibe
    • Unbound – as a service, not the box we got – we like their return policy and love the amount of selection on their website
    • Tyler by Svakom – cock ring – sooooo good
    • Keri by Svakom – a clitoral vibrator – I’ve even shared this one with a friend
    • The Ruby Glow – hands-free orgasms
  • Full disclosure: we are an affiliate of some but not all of these products. If we’re an affiliate of a product it means we make a small commission if you use our link and make a purchase. We only become affiliate members of products or companies we really like.

Links from the Show:

A Few of Our Favorite Toys (episode 17)

Lava 3 in 1 Review • Purchase Link

Bravolink Silicone Vibrator ReviewPurchase Link

The Butters Review • Purchase Link (use coupon “kayla” to save 5 percent)

Miss on the Go Review • Purchase Link

HUM Review • Purchase Link (use code kaylalords to save 10 percent)

Unbound Box Review • Masturbation Gift Guide • Kinky Gift Guide

Tyler Review • Purchase Link

Keri Review • Purchase Link

The Ruby Glow Review • Purchase Link

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

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