LovingBDSM

The Loving BDSM Podcast

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Dealing With and Understanding Subfrenzy LB067

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone talk about subfrenzy in episode 67 – what is it, how does it happen, and what are the problems that subfrenzy can cause.

In this episode:

  • What is subfrenzy? A heady emotional time when a submissive is so excited and eager to submit that they go above and beyond, are overly enthusiastic, and will sometimes submit to someone not worthy out of the sheer excitement and happiness to be submitting at all.
  • Subfrenzy is one cause of many common problems submissives face.
  • When you’re in the middle of subfrenzy, you don’t usually know you’re in it, and so it’s not something you can just snap out of.
  • Is there a Dominant equivalent? We don’t know but if anyone has an opinion, we’re definitely interested.
  • What to do if you think subfrenzy put you in a bad situation or relationship
  • Subfrenzy is why it’s important never to give up your ability to consent, communicate, and negotiate – no matter how exciting it feels to finally submit.
  • We’ve got a new community-building postcard project (details in the bonus section!).

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681

Links from the show:

Lyps Bag of Dicks

Subfrenzy Definition – Submissive Guide

Love Languages

The Danger of Subfrenzy

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

Feeling More Vanilla Than D/s LB066

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone talk about how normal it is for the vanilla stuff to make you feel less your D/s self – and what to do about it.

In this episode:

  • A special offer from Lyps: The Lyps Bag of Dicks – you can save 30{41b2ccad9c9615e377be815ad205595d71b5b6a7a02ca926ea5182d1112aa551} with my link!
  • BDSM and D/s are mostly mental. If you’re head’s not into, the kink will take a backseat.
  • When you recognize that it’s happened, say something.
  • Be prepared for kinky sex to feel off, too.
  • Make plans for playtime or a scene to help feel more “normal.”
  • It helps to be mindful of your role during the day – tasks, schedules, and routines help.
  • As a Dominant, you’ll want to be conscientiousness about helping your submissive feel their role more. Give them more to do. Ask for things you haven’t asked for in a while.
  • Having an errant thought of annoyance or not wanting to do your kinky thing is normal, and it’s not something to worry about unless it’s happening every time.
  • New relationship energy feels like it will last forever. Eventually that feeling ebbs and normalizes. This is when the these “disconnects” can occur.
  • All of this is normal. Getting back on track is the “work” of having a successful relationship.

Links from the Show:

3 Steps to Reconnect in Your D/s Relationship

When Vanilla Life Interferes With Your D/s Relationship (episode 38)

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

Our Favorite Sex Toys: 2016 Edition LB065

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone discuss the toys that added to their kinky fuckery in 2016 (so far!).

In this episode:

  • Check out the Holiday Gift Guides from Unbound Box – one for kinky fuckery and one for masturbation!
  • We started this list last year (episode 17). Not every toy we try makes our list – only the ones that created a lasting memory and that we personally recommend for fun and kinky fuckery.
  • In no particular order, here are our favorite toys we tried this year – so far. More toys are still being reviewed, but our new faves will have to wait until next year’s list.
    • Lava 3 in 1 by Intimate Melody – slow burn, slowly building orgasms
    • Bravolink Silicone Vibrator (rebranded as Lyps) – an inexpensive rabbit that felt really good (better than the high end one I’d tried a week before)
    • The Butters – lube!
    • Miss on the Go – a kegel exerciser that’s controlled by an app and lets you play with others
    • HUM vibrator – a “smart” vibe
    • Unbound – as a service, not the box we got – we like their return policy and love the amount of selection on their website
    • Tyler by Svakom – cock ring – sooooo good
    • Keri by Svakom – a clitoral vibrator – I’ve even shared this one with a friend
    • The Ruby Glow – hands-free orgasms
  • Full disclosure: we are an affiliate of some but not all of these products. If we’re an affiliate of a product it means we make a small commission if you use our link and make a purchase. We only become affiliate members of products or companies we really like.

Links from the Show:

A Few of Our Favorite Toys (episode 17)

Lava 3 in 1 Review • Purchase Link

Bravolink Silicone Vibrator ReviewPurchase Link

The Butters Review • Purchase Link (use coupon “kayla” to save 5{41b2ccad9c9615e377be815ad205595d71b5b6a7a02ca926ea5182d1112aa551})

Miss on the Go Review • Purchase Link

HUM Review • Purchase Link (use code kaylalords to save 10{41b2ccad9c9615e377be815ad205595d71b5b6a7a02ca926ea5182d1112aa551})

Unbound Box Review • Masturbation Gift Guide • Kinky Gift Guide

Tyler Review • Purchase Link

Keri Review • Purchase Link

The Ruby Glow Review • Purchase Link

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

Understanding D/s Contracts LB064

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone are together again for episode 64 of Loving BDSM. This week, they’re discussing D/s contracts.

In this episode:

  • The latest video is available through Patreon or membership to KaylaLords.com! This month we focused on punching.
  • What is a contract?
  • A D/s contract isn’t required in a D/s relationship.
  • A lot of submissives wonder if they should have them. They send emails saying their Dominant partners don’t want one.
  • Having a contract requires negotiation and what goes into the contract requires negotiation.
  • Don’t expect your contract to hold up in a court of law, but be careful what you put in it – just in case.
  • A contract can be as simple as a written list of everything you both agree to or it can be as elaborate as you want it to be.
  • Think about the reasons why you want a D/s contract. Thinking you’re “supposed” to have one isn’t usually enough of a reason.
  • If your partner resists the idea of a contract, hear them out and then decide if that’s a reason you can live with.
  • This isn’t a time when a Dom saying, “Because I said so” is good enough. There should be a reason given.

Links from the Show:

Kayla on Patreon

Membership to KaylaLords.com

First D/s Agreement Between Kayla Lords and John Brownstone

3 Reasons to Have a D/s Contract

No Constitutional Right to BDSM Sex (Washington Post)

BDSM and the Law (Wikipedia)

BDSM Contracts (BDSMcontracts.org)

BDSM Contracts: When the Law Doesn’t Protect You, Protect Yourself (NCSF Blog)

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

Dungeons and Play Parties, Oh My! LB063

In episode 63, Kayla Lords and John Brownstone discuss the things that happen, what you can expect, and some of the fun you can have at BDSM dungeons and play parties.

In this episode:

  • Save five percent on John Brownstone’s new favorite lube: The Butters with code “kayla”
  • How to find a dungeon or play party
  • How to get into one
  • All dungeons and parties are a little different but they have a few things in common.
  • Dungeons and parties have their own rules.
  • Dungeon monitors enforce the rules.
  • There are a few common protocols to be aware of when you go.
  • You’ll see people from every walk of life and every state of dress.
  • You don’t have to play in public.
  • You can always just watch or go to socialize.

Links from the Show:

The Butters (use code kayla and save!)

Read my review for The Butters

What to Expect at the BDSM Dungeon When You’re New

Playing in Public (Scene Magazine)

What You Can Expect and Who You’ll Meet at a Party (Submissive Guide)

7 Ways You Can Play at the Dungeon (Fetish)

An Insider’s Look at the Mysterious World of BDSM Dungeons (Kinkly)

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

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