LovingBDSM

The Loving BDSM Podcast

Page 31 of 44

Low Energy and Lack of Motivation in Your D/s Relationship LB070

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone talk about feeling low energy and no motivation and how it can impact their D/s relationship in episode 70 of Loving BDSM podcast.

In this episode:

  • John Brownstone’s having a sale on his (very vanilla) Etsy shop!
  • We haven’t been motivated to do anything this week (the first week of the year and back from vacation) – not even much kinky fuckery.
  • Lack of motivation is normal.
  • Go too long not feeling like doing your normal routine – especially the D/s – and you’ll start to really notice it.
  • Sometimes submissives really don’t want to do a task. We usually do it, but it helps to feel motivated and excited.
  • Strong rules and discipline can help. Knowing there are consequences usually keeps me going.
  • Even Dominants can not want to do their normal thing like make decisions or deal with problems.
  • Talk about it when it happens.
  • Find ways to recharge and do things that help you relax.
  • We got postcards!

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681

Links from the show:

The Wood Dom on Etsy – Use code HAPPYNEWYEAR thru 1/21/17 to save 25{41b2ccad9c9615e377be815ad205595d71b5b6a7a02ca926ea5182d1112aa551}

3 Ways to Motivate Yourself in Your D/s Relationship

The Dildorks

Postcard Shout-outs: @SapphiresonFire and The Life of Elliott

Building a Community Through Postcards

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

Handling Other People’s Opinion of Your D/s Relationship LB069

Episode 69 (bow chicka wow wow) is the first episode of 2017 and after a holiday spent with friends and family, it felt right to do a topic based on a listener’s question: How do you handle the negative opinions from vanilla family and friends over your D/s relationship?

In this episode:

  • John Brownstone received a slightly judgy comment on a blog post calling our kink “abuse.”
  • A lot of us have just spent extra time around family and friends, some of who might wonder about your kinky relationship, whether you’re out or not.
  • You might get comments, looks, or judgement from those who don’t know you’re kinky but maybe notice something different.
  • Or, like at least one listener, judgement from those who do know and don’t approve.
  • Coming out to anyone about your kink is a personal decision and there’s no right or wrong answer about what to do.
  • Before you share your kinky life with others, assess possible risks – people lose jobs and kids over their kink.
  • One way to “deal” with vanilla friends and family who make snide remarks or judge you is to develop a thick skin and confidence in who you are as a kinkster and a person – but it takes time.
  • You may never change their mind, but you don’t have to. Be who you are, and they will either accept it or not.
  • If you have to, remove yourself from the conversation, change the subject, or avoid their presence (if possible).
  • If a “friend” is refusing to believe you or listen to you, and says mean, ugly things to you, are they really your friend?
  • As with other things in life where we disagree – think politics – you can still love someone you don’t understand or agree with – your family and friends should be able to do the same thing. And hopefully they will.

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681

Links from the show:

My Ongoing Internal Debate: Opening Up About Kink or Not

Aftercare and Punishment (John Brownstone)

Childcare and Divorce: Considerations for Alternative Lifestyles (NCSF)

Lyps Bag of Dicks

Building a Community Through Postcards

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

One Big Bonus Episode LB068

In episode 68, the last of 2016, John Brownstone and Kayla Lords treat the whole thing like one big bonus section. Not a lot of education, but plenty of conversation.

In this episode:

  • The postcard project that encourages people to send (and receive) snail mail.
  • I’ve got my plane ticket to London – officially.
  • We want to build a community and connect with people in more direct ways in 2017.
  • I want to share my Christmas drama and John Brownstone says, “No.” And then I whine about it a little. (A lot.)
  • Episode 69 will air Friday, January 6 – we’re taking a week off for the holidays.

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681

Links from the show:

Lyps Bag of Dicks

Building a Community Through Postcards

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

Dealing With and Understanding Subfrenzy LB067

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone talk about subfrenzy in episode 67 – what is it, how does it happen, and what are the problems that subfrenzy can cause.

In this episode:

  • What is subfrenzy? A heady emotional time when a submissive is so excited and eager to submit that they go above and beyond, are overly enthusiastic, and will sometimes submit to someone not worthy out of the sheer excitement and happiness to be submitting at all.
  • Subfrenzy is one cause of many common problems submissives face.
  • When you’re in the middle of subfrenzy, you don’t usually know you’re in it, and so it’s not something you can just snap out of.
  • Is there a Dominant equivalent? We don’t know but if anyone has an opinion, we’re definitely interested.
  • What to do if you think subfrenzy put you in a bad situation or relationship
  • Subfrenzy is why it’s important never to give up your ability to consent, communicate, and negotiate – no matter how exciting it feels to finally submit.
  • We’ve got a new community-building postcard project (details in the bonus section!).

Our mailing address (for the postcard project) is PO Box 391, Crystal Beach, Florida, 34681

Links from the show:

Lyps Bag of Dicks

Subfrenzy Definition – Submissive Guide

Love Languages

The Danger of Subfrenzy

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

Feeling More Vanilla Than D/s LB066

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone talk about how normal it is for the vanilla stuff to make you feel less your D/s self – and what to do about it.

In this episode:

  • A special offer from Lyps: The Lyps Bag of Dicks – you can save 30{41b2ccad9c9615e377be815ad205595d71b5b6a7a02ca926ea5182d1112aa551} with my link!
  • BDSM and D/s are mostly mental. If you’re head’s not into, the kink will take a backseat.
  • When you recognize that it’s happened, say something.
  • Be prepared for kinky sex to feel off, too.
  • Make plans for playtime or a scene to help feel more “normal.”
  • It helps to be mindful of your role during the day – tasks, schedules, and routines help.
  • As a Dominant, you’ll want to be conscientiousness about helping your submissive feel their role more. Give them more to do. Ask for things you haven’t asked for in a while.
  • Having an errant thought of annoyance or not wanting to do your kinky thing is normal, and it’s not something to worry about unless it’s happening every time.
  • New relationship energy feels like it will last forever. Eventually that feeling ebbs and normalizes. This is when the these “disconnects” can occur.
  • All of this is normal. Getting back on track is the “work” of having a successful relationship.

Links from the Show:

3 Steps to Reconnect in Your D/s Relationship

When Vanilla Life Interferes With Your D/s Relationship (episode 38)

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact Kayla Lords

Contact John Brownstone

« Older posts Newer posts »

© 2018 LovingBDSM

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑