LovingBDSM

The Loving BDSM Podcast

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The 5 Love Languages and Your D/s Relationship LB086

This week, in episode 86, we’re talking about the concept of the five love languages, as found in the book The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, and how to apply them to your D/s relationship.

In this episode:

  • Our sponsor this week is Ecstatic Relaxation with Vin Charles. He’s got a special offer just for Loving BDSM listeners
  • John Brownstone aka The Wood Dom has a Father’s Day giveaway running through June 13, 2017.
  • New relationship energy or “in-love” obsession makes you act in ways you won’t once you come out of it. Dr. Chapman says it can take about two years.
  • We all have love tanks. When they’re on empty, resentment and anger build.
  • We each need to feel love in a different way, and it’s often not the way our partner needs to feel it.
  • You likely will have different primary love languages.
  • The five love languages are: Physical Touch, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts.
  • If you’re not sure of your love language, think about how you prefer to express your love to your partner. That’s a big clue.
  • Most people have one primary love language, although it’s possible to have a second.
  • The act of loving someone is a choice, as is deciding to love someone according to their love language.
  • It requires work and you may have to learn new habits.
  • Using what someone needs to feel love to manipulate them is wrong.
  • Purposefully withholding your act of love is wrong.
  • Loving someone according to their specific language only works if it’s done because you want to and out of love.

Links from the show:

Show sponsor: Ecstatic Relaxation <===Click for a special offer!

Father’s Day Giveaway by John Brownstone

The 5 Love Languages: Book Review

5 Love Languages Profile

Remote Bullet Vibrator – use code XZUP8GOG to save 40{41b2ccad9c9615e377be815ad205595d71b5b6a7a02ca926ea5182d1112aa551} thru 9/30/17

Soft Bondage Rope – use code MFKLD42W to save 30{41b2ccad9c9615e377be815ad205595d71b5b6a7a02ca926ea5182d1112aa551} thru 8/31/17

Postcard Shout-outs: PandaDaddy and PandaKitten (Twitter), Mr. J and LaylaDoodle (Fetlife), and Ginny!

Kinky Book Club

Buy us a virtual coffee

Postcard Project

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact us!

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Your favorite podcast app!

The 5 Love Languages: Book Review

What language do you speak?

Well, mostly, whatever language you grew up with or a combination of multiple languages.

What love language do you speak?

We have all heard the term “the language of love” yet many of us don’t know how to speak it. Yes, there is a language of love, and we all have one even if we don’t know what it is.

Book Review of 5 Love Languages

Keep Your Well Full

That is where the book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by John Chapman comes in.

If you have ever had the desire to speak a new language this is the most important language to learn. Not only to help you understand yourself better but to understand the other person in your life. While the book is a short read, it is packed with so much useful information on how to speak your partners language.

You’ve probably heard us refer to how Kayla and I fill each other’s well along with comments I’ve made about how as a submissive that serves they need to have their wells filled to be able to continue serving. If a submissive serves and gets nothing in return eventually their well runs dry and they may not be able to serve. They start running on empty. Resentment can build.

The same goes for big D’s, being in charge is not always easy and even we need to have our wells filled in order to keep leading. This book gives you the information needed to not only fill that well but keep it full.

The 5 Love Languages

Gary Chapman goes into great detail on each of the five primary love languages spoken by us all and how to determine which language we speak. Knowing what we need to give our partner and learning how to give it to them goes a long way in keeping any relationship fulfilled. So what are the five love languages?

  • Affirmation
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Physical Touch
  • Acts of Service
  • Quality Time

Sometimes simple is better, and that is what this book is. While reading it, I had a number of ah-ha moments as I looked back at what I had done wrong in past relationships.

Understanding each other in your relationship is paramount. Add in D/s where communication is crucial makes this understanding even more important. We need to take the time to talk about our likes and dislikes, what we want from a kink relationship, and how we are going to achieve what we want. But there is also another level to it, and this book can help get you there.

Lets be honest, the kink side of a relationship is wonderful and fun, which it should be, Kink isn’t the main thing all the time, though. This book is a good guide for those times.

Want a copy?

Get it on Amazon ♥ Barnes & Noble ♥ From your local library or a favorite retailer!

Setting a Kinky Scene LB085

This week, we’re answering a listener question with more details than they actually asked for. The original question was about how to set up a scene. In our opinion, a scene is whatever you make it, so it doesn’t have to be elaborate or high protocol. For us, we call most of our scenes “playtime.”

In this episode:

  • Our sponsor this week is Ecstatic Relaxation with Vin Charles. He’s got a special offer just for Loving BDSM listeners!
  • Kinky Book Club is a real live thing!
  • Is there a difference between a scene and “playtime?”
  • Scenes can be rigid, filled with protocol, and elaborate…or not.
  • Playtime, for us, is whatever we do that’s kinky – with or without sex.
  • Some scenes are roleplay.
  • Mind fucks can be a scene.
  • Scenes or playtime all require communication and negotiation.
  • Knowing your partner’s limits before you plan the scene is important.
  • Talking about the details doesn’t take away the hotness.
  • Scenes can be as basic or as detailed as you want.
  • It’s important to go with the flow. Not all scenes will go as you imagined.
  • Be flexible, communicate, use safewords, and watch your partner.

Links from the Show:

Show sponsor: Ecstatic Relaxation <===Click for a special offer!

Kinky Book Club

4 Different Types of Kinky Scenes

Buy us a virtual coffee

Postcard Project

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact us!

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Your favorite podcast app!

4 Different Types of Kinky Scenes

Kinky scenes are like labels – they mean something different to everyone. For us, a scene is just how we get kinky together. It could be some kinky fuckery in the bedroom or using equipment in our local BDSM dungeon. But your kinky scene could be something completely different – more elaborate, more well-planned, just…more.

For anyone wondering what a kinky scene can be – or how to make one happen – here are four different types of kinky scenes.

Playtime

Most of our scenes are what we call “playtime.” For us, this means that we take anywhere from a few minutes to an hour or more and get kinky. The floggers and paddles might be brought out. Sometimes it’s a bare-handed spanking. Playtime may or may not lead to sex. Forced orgasms, double penetration with dildos and vibrators, edged orgasms – depending on John Brownstone’s mood (or mine), playtime can be pure sex.

Playtime is rarely elaborate although it can be well-planned by a Dominant alone or together. When we play, it’s often based on a need one or both of us have (relieve tension, reconnect, etc.). It’s also something that we both find pleasurable that hits on one or more kinks – sadism and masochism, bondage, or orgasm control. It may or may not incorporate “dirty talk.”

Mind Fucks

The beauty of a mind fuck is that an entire “scene” can play out in the mind of a submissive with a just few words. The “scene” is what that submissive believes, makes themselves think, or how they react to the possibility of something that only entered their mind with a few words from a Dominant. Sometimes the mind fuck is what makes the scene seem real – “playing” with knives but no knife is present; believing you’ve been kidnapped when it’s really your partner.

I have had my mind fucked by John Brownstone while he cracked a belt next to my ear and stood over me (loomed is more like it) in a clothed male, naked female (CMNF) scene. He never touched me and said very little. The scene was my belief (and fear) that I was about to be spanked with a belt. By the time he was done, I was a quivering mess and very compliant with whatever he wanted. That night, all he wanted was me to remember who owned me and lots of cuddles.

Roleplay

I’m not a huge fan of roleplay. I didn’t like it in school when we had to do weird group work. I hated it in the corporate world where it was the favorite trick of trainers and consultants to make employees practice a new concept or technique. It’s just not for me, but it’s extremely popular for many kinksters. You and your partner take on a role that you find sexy or fun – teacher/student, cop/criminal, pirate/kidnapped wench, mermaid/sailor – and you act out a scene within those roles.

Like anything else we do in kink, it often features a power exchange of sorts, but it can easily be turned on its head. Maybe the criminal corrupts the good cop. Maybe the sailor ravishes the mermaid instead of falls into her trap. You just never know. For people who enjoy it, it can be a sexy way to play pretend. You can make it as elaborate as you want – some people have costumes, use accents, and behave completely different than their typical selves.

Consensual Non-consent

Consensual non-consent is a controversial topic in the world of kink. Can you really consent to give up consent? Should you? That’s a personal decision we have to make on our own. I’m not going to lecture anyone who wants to be “kidnapped and raped” as part of an elaborate scene. Submissives should, however, only do this kind of scene with someone you trust completely and who will stop if things go too far. This isn’t the first scene you should have with a new partner, m’kay?

The most important part of this scene is to negotiate it first. Will other people be involved in the scene? Will you have a safeword or signal? What will you allow in the scene and what isn’t okay? There should also be a serious conversation about triggers and past abuse or problems. This isn’t the time to hide something that, if triggered, could cause real mental and emotional damage. Don’t worry that these discussions will somehow ruin the effect. If the top/Dominant adds in a few good mind fucks, it will likely feel real enough.

It doesn’t matter what you call the moment you and your partner decide to get kinky. Call it a scene, call it playtime, or call it how you have sex. What does matter is that you negotiate what it will look like, talk about your limits, set up parameters, and stay safe.

Okay, so we know these aren’t the only types of scenes out there. Feel free to share what kind of scene you love!

Navigating a Long Distance D/s Relationship Part 2 LB084

In episode 84, we’re talking about how to make a long distance D/s relationship actually work. What you can do, how you handle the distance, and all the rest that can make LDRs so difficult.

In this episode:

  • Simpatic.US is our sponsor this week! Save 25 percent off with code LovingBDSM10!
  • Announcements:
    • The website and forum should be up and running again. If you get error messages when you log in, let us know.
    • Loving BDSM merchandise is going to be a thing very soon.
    • The benefits of being a paying member are starting to come online so go ahead and sign up at a higher level to get access to exclusive video content.
    • Kinky Book Club is going to be a thing! As soon as we have details, we’ll let you know. All members will have access to participate.
    • Want to support the show and this thing we do – and help me not freak out about money? Buy us a virtual coffee!
  • You’ve found each other and decided this might be real. Now what?
  • Look for and set up rituals, tasks, and things that aren’t sexual for your relationship
  • Let’s talk kinky fuckery in your long distance relationship.
  • Be safe on the first meeting.
  • Making time and plans for visits is extremely important.
  • Set a routine for your communication and stick to it – yes, we said this last episode, but it’s important so we’re repeating it
  • How do you take it from a long distance thing to an in real life thing?

Links from the Show:

8 Non-Sexual Things You Can Do In Your Long Distance D/s Relationship

Review of Simpatic

Show sponsor: Simpatic.US (use code LovingBDSM10 for 25{41b2ccad9c9615e377be815ad205595d71b5b6a7a02ca926ea5182d1112aa551} off!)

Buy us a virtual coffee

Postcard Project

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact us!

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Your favorite podcast app!

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