Can a Handjob Be Kinky?

statue with a fig leaf over his groin before a handjob

Depending on your relationship with penises and handjobs, it might not be something you’ve given a lot of thought to. And if you think of them at all, you might not immediately think of BDSM or kink. I guess the simplest answer to this question is that anything can be kinky, including a handjob.

Okay, so I could leave it at that and yes, sure, they’re kinky. But you know me, of course, I want to talk about how to make handjobs part of your kinky fuckery.

What Counts as a Handjob?

Real quick, in case it’s not something you’ve ever done or you worry there are multiple definitions for it, let’s define what we mean when we say handjob. It’s simply the act of stimulating another person’s penis with your hand until they orgasm – or throw you down and perform another sex act because you’re driving them crazy. Personally I prefer that second part. And yes I emphasized “another person’s penis” because one, if you’re doing it to your own penis, it’s not a handjob (it’s just wanking, jacking off, masturbation, pick your favorite term), and two, not all people with penises identify as men.

Handjobs as Power Exchange

While some people think of very specific acts as part of their power exchange – kneeling, wearing a collar, using honorifics (like “Sir” or “Mistress”) – you can kink up anything. It’s all in how you view the act itself and how you treat it.

Ordering your submissive to give you a handjob might bring you both pleasure, but you’re in control. Tell your partner how fast, slow, hard, soft, when to stop, when to make it a blowjob. You get the point, right? You don’t have to touch yourself or anyone else to be in control of your own handjob and pleasure. Because it’s all about your pleasure, your submissive may get into a good headspace too – handjobs as a way to serve.

Giving your submissive a handjob can definitely be infused with power. You’re in direct control of the stimulation of your partner’s penis. Whether you say a word or not, you decide how fast or slow your hand moves, what kind of pressure to apply, and when you stop. Do you allow your submissive to orgasm? Do you edge them until they’re begging for release? That’s up to you and the consent you have from your partner over orgasm control.

Accepting a Handjob as a Submissive

Dominants and submissives alike sometimes worry that when a submissive receives pleasure, their Dominant is no longer in control. Oral sex is usually the center of the angst over this, but handjobs are no different. Depending on how you view the act, it can be completely about the pleasure of the recipient. Of course, it can also be part of orgasm control – edging, forced orgasm, orgasm denial (see the section above).

But submissives (and their Dominants) should understand that whether the end result is an orgasm or not, receiving pleasure for the sake of it, doesn’t put you in control. Not unless that’s how you and your partner want to play. D/s and BDSM is supposed to feel good and be about pleasure in some way. I know that some submissives feel guilty when they “get something” and their partner doesn’t. You’re assuming your Dominant isn’t receiving pleasure from the act of giving you pleasure. Of course they are – why else would they do it? And yes, doing it just to make you happy is a legitimate reason for your Dominant.

Find What Works For You

Handjobs for us (like blowjobs) are a precursor to whatever other kinky fuckery we’re doing. John Brownstone allows me to grab his cock whenever I want (and whenever it’s appropriate). I enjoy stroking him until he’s hard, seeing how his body reacts to my touch. It’s a turn on. We don’t take it all the way to climax, though. When he orgasms, it’s inside my body because that’s what we like, but no matter how short or long the handjob lasts, I never doubt who’s ultimately in control.

It’s another Kink of the Week by the fabulous Molly Moore, and if you can’t tell, the topic is about the handjob. We don’t have all the answers, and we know there are a million and one ways to get kinky. To see what other people have to say about the topic, click the lips.

Kink of the Week

Are handsjobs part of your kink? Do they factor into your power exchange? Share with us in the comments below!

Want to be part of a safe, friendly group of kinksters where you can ask your questions about handjobs and any other kinky fuckery you’re curious about? Join the Loving BDSM Community today!

10 Comments

  • Mrs Fever

    Reply Reply October 11, 2017

    Hand jobs definitely factor into our kink. They’re something that we both enjoy, and using my hands on his cock is one of my favorite ways to exert orgasm control. πŸ™‚

    • Kayla Lords

      Reply Reply October 11, 2017

      After having read your writing, I think I can imagine how powerful that orgasm control might be. πŸ˜‰

  • Molly

    Reply Reply October 11, 2017

    U am a huge hand-job fan. I love the act of giving him pleasure, of knowing his body and how he likes to be touch. It is something he really enjoys too and I enjoy the whole process of giving him one all the way to orgasm. I guess it is a version of giving him a massage or a foot rub just a bit more orgasmic and makes me feel content knowing I have done something special for him that he enjoys

    Mollyx

    • Kayla Lords

      Reply Reply October 11, 2017

      Giving them pleasure – in whatever way works – is always nice. A sexy way of giving back for all we receive…I feel the same way about giving JB a blowjob, seeing his reaction…as well as hearing and feeling it. πŸ˜‰

  • Sweeten Dirty

    Reply Reply October 11, 2017

    I love using handjobs as a way to explore what my man likes, and I love seeing his reaction as I handle his cock. I have not given a handjob to completion to my current partner (yet), but it is definitely something we are exploring.

    • Kayla Lords

      Reply Reply October 11, 2017

      It’s a lot of fun to see how they react to different touches…and to know YOU’RE the one causing it. πŸ™‚

  • May More

    Reply Reply October 15, 2017

    I have always really liked handjobs. Its great to give such delicious pleasure to someone you care about. Great article, I also do the grabbing his cock whenever i want thing πŸ˜‰

    • Kayla Lords

      Reply Reply October 16, 2017

      Grabbing them at will is SOOOO wonderful. πŸ˜€

  • Jo

    Reply Reply October 16, 2017

    I love the power exchange aspect of manual sex… for some reason, I feel like it’s easier to do edging with hands than with oral sex. You could also include CBT in a hand job if that’s pleasurable for someone – a few clothespins on the balls while stroking, for example. Love how you write about this topic in the context of kink! x

    • Kayla Lords

      Reply Reply October 17, 2017

      I definitely agree there’s a power exchange…even as a submissive giving a handjob, I feel a sense of power…for me, it’s very temporary and I’m happy to hand it back (pun not intended, lol).

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