Equality and Balance in D/s Relationships LB102

episode 102 banner about equality and balance

In episode 102, we’re talking about the idea of equality in a D/s relationship. We each come at this in different, but not opposite ways. Are the people in a D/s relationship equal or should they have balance? Or should it be a combination of both? We don’t claim to have all the answers but we do have plenty of thoughts.

In this episode:

  • The 100th episode giveaway has ended. The winner will be announced (with their permission) next week.
  • Kayla’s random lube giveaway is still going on!
  • Are D/s relationships equal?
  • Should we call it equality or balance?
  • Why balance matters (according to Kayla)
  • What equal or balanced looks like in your D/s relationship is unique to you
  • Both D and s should get something positive from the exchange – call it balance or equality or whatever you’d like
  • When a relationship is no longer equal or balanced, you have to talk about it. A small change might be enough or it may be time for something more drastic.

Links from the show:

Random Lube Giveaway

5 Signs of an Unhealthy Imbalance in Your D/s Relationship

Financial Control in Our D/s Relationship (Episode 13)

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John Brownstone on Fetlife

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2 Comments

  • pandakitten

    Reply Reply October 8, 2017

    I was very excited to listen to this episode because this is a conversation @PandaDaddy and I have had before on several occasions! It’s a fascinating piece of linguistic gymnastics when it comes right down to it. We had settled on saying that we had an equal relationship with an asymmetric power structure. I like saying balance much more, because it encompasses what I as a submissive also get out of the asymmetrical division of power. We fall in to these conversations because one of us would exclaim in astonishment that this relationship feels so much more equal than any other we’d been in, and yet it is also specifically unequal in terms of how we divide power and decision making. I’ve been realizing recently that it’s about emotional labor more than anything else for me! We are balanced, like you discussed, in that his control fulfills both my needs and his, but also for the first time in a long term relationship we share the burden of emotional labour very evenly. The power exchange doesn’t effect that piece, only the method in which we both approach it.

    • Kayla Lords

      Reply Reply October 9, 2017

      I. Love. THIS! An asymmetrical power structure – I never thought of it like that. And yes, you’re right – the emotional labor being shared is the key. People seem to think that being “equal” means you do the same things – and it’s more about doing what suits you as an individual that fulfills the whole (relationship, power exchange, whatever). Love your take on this topic!!

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