LovingBDSM

The Loving BDSM Podcast

Category: D/s Relationships (page 1 of 6)

Here at Loving BDSM, we included “loving” in our name for a couple of reasons. One has everything to do with loving D/s and other kinky relationships. A loving relationship isn’t always permanent, sexual, or something that includes a fairy tale ending. But the relationships we form with each other in D/s and BDSM are important.

This is where you’ll find blog posts on building better D/s relationships, navigating tough moments in your kinky relationship, and taking care of each other.

4 Ways to Get Into a Kinky Mindset

Vanilla life interferes with D/s and kink every chance it gets. Bills need to be paid. You have to go work. And let’s not even mention what parenting can do to your kinky life.

Finding the boundaries between the vanilla world and the D/s dynamic you crave isn’t always easy. Sometimes the rest of your life has to take precedence. Even those of us (like John Brownstone and I) who are 24/7 D/s have to put aside roles and dynamics from time to time to deal with whatever life throws our way. Although, our preference is to navigate every moment of life through our power exchange, but it’s not always an option.

So when you find yourself having to switch back and forth between vanilla and D/s headspaces, how do you make the transition into your Dominant or submissive role? There’s no single correct answer, and you’ll have to find what works best for you. But if you’re not sure where to begin, here are a few ideas.

End Your Work Day With a Ritual

We know plenty of submissives who walk in the door after work and do something to feel submissive.

  • They put on a specific outfit or their collar.
  • They kneel or practice certain positions.
  • Maybe they start a shower or draw a bath for their Dominant.

It doesn’t matter what the action is — it only needs to appeal to you. But once their work day (and kids count as work, y’all) is done, these submissive do very specific things that get them ready to be fully engaged with their power exchange. The act itself might be submissive or simply the act of doing the thing may help them shed the vanilla persona.

And Dominants, it works in reverse for you. When your submissive does their task or ritual, if possible, make it in direct service of you. This way, when that action takes place, you know that’s the time to get into a more Dominant headspace. Maybe your sub pours you a drink or presents you with some kinky fuckery toy. Again, it doesn’t matter what you do, only that it has meaning to you.

Complete Tasks

Slightly different from ending your day with a ritual, these are tasks you complete throughout the day. They’re meant to serve as reminders all day long about who you are as a submissive or Dominant. And yes, Dominants can have tasks. When we were long distance, John Brownstone started every day by choosing the panties I would wear and sending me a text message. That was a “task” he did as a Dominant that (I hope) helped him feel in control.

Whatever things you choose to do in your D/s relationship should be talked about and consented to first. They can serve a very specific purpose — service submission, Caregiver nurturing, etc. Or they can simply be something that appeals to you or that you want to do. My tasks are things that I’ve worked into my routine so well that I sometimes forget why I’m doing them.

This is what I do:

  • Make coffee for John Brownstone upon request — whenever he wants it
  • Turn down the bed at night.
  • Get the coffee pot ready for the next morning.
  • Make his lunch.

Not everyone is a service submissive or someone who craves routine like me. Other people find it’s better for them if they do or assign tasks as needed. Fun ones from our past include masturbating in the ladies room at work and sending him a picture when I was done. The moment I received the request, I was in a subby mindset.

In reverse, for a Dominant, submissives can send a message to their Dominant requesting permission for something. I used to do that when I really wanted something sweet to eat in the afternoon. It reminded us both of who was in charge…especially when he said no!

Plan Your Kinky Fuckery

We’ve got this on the brain right now because at the end of October, we’re going to our local BDSM club for kinky fuckery. And we’ve had it planned for nearly a month. Having this to look forward to has kept me in a more submissive mindset for weeks. Every time I think about what might happen, I go all ooey, gooey inside…until I imagine the impact play, and then my masochist side gets very excited.

You don’t always have to plan major events for this to work. Even small plans like getting together over the weekend or what you’ll do after the kids go to bed counts. The point is to place a priority on what it is that you enjoy doing together as Dominant and submissive — and then planning for it. Schedule it and treat it like the important appointment that it is.

Having the anticipation of the moment gives you something to think about. And I have found it’s great for staying in your kinky mindset.

Create Meaningful Protocols and Rituals

A ritual or protocol sounds like a very formal BDSM thing and the idea of it can intimidate some people. Basically these are things that you do that become habits. They’re done at set times or in specific ways and are rarely deviated from.

Maybe the end of your day isn’t the right type for a task or ritual. What about when you wake up? Is there some habit you can start that helps you feel your kinky self?

  • Wait to be told to get out of bed
  • Help your Dominant get dressed
  • Bring your Dominant their preferred morning beverage

And that’s just one possible morning ritual for a submissive. Like every other option we’ve mentioned, this can be literally anything. The best ritual is one that fulfills a need for both of you. Dominants, you receive something that makes you feel in control or reminds you that your submissive serves you. Submissives, you’re able to do something for (or to) your Dominant that feeds your preferred way to submit. And none of it has to be overtly kinky.

The whole point is that they’re done (basically) the same way most of the time, and they mean something to you. So that when you do them, you feel your kinky role and can, possibly, stay in that headspace for as long as possible.

In episode 152, we’re talking about creating those boundaries between your vanilla world and the D/s life you want — and most of it is a mental thing. While you can’t keep the vanilla world out forever, you can create moments of mindfulness that will help you feel your Dom or sub self more often.

Okay, now it’s your turn. What do you do to get into your kinky mindset? Are there tasks, rituals, protocols, or rules you’ve created? Share with us in the comments below or talk to us on Twitter!

6 Reasons Why Being Consistent Matters in Your D/s Relationship

If you’ve listened to a few podcast episodes, you’ve heard John Brownstone mention one word a few times — consistency. It’s one of his core beliefs as a Dominant and an indicator of how well your D/s relationship is going. (It’s not the only thing, but it’s an important one.)

So why the focus on consistency, especially as a Dominant? Because whether you are or aren’t, it has a direct impact on your submissive and your D/s relationship.

Creates Stability

When both of you know what to expect, it’s easier to stay in your D/s headspace and have an idea of what to expect. Inconsistently giving consequences or praise can make your submissive feel off-balance. They may not know where they stand with you or what to expect. Some Dominants might think this is a good thing, but we disagree. If one of your goals as a Dominant is to help your submissive succeed and be the best submissive they can be, they need to have an idea of what to expect and feel like the ground is solid and stable under their feet.

Sets Expectations

If you want your submissive to succeed and feel good about their submission, they need to know what to expect. When you’re consistent in your expectations and what happens when those expectations are met or not, your submissive can rise to meet the challenge. But if you’re constantly changing things up or randomly deciding something no longer matters, your submissive can’t meet your expectations because they don’t know what they are.

Reduces Problems, Hurt Feelings, and Angst

If you never know whether you’re doing something right or not or if your partner will be there when you need them, how would you feel? Pretty crappy, right? Well, to the inconsistent Dominant, that’s what you (potentially) create for your submissive when you inconsistently speak to them, follow the rules or routines of your D/s relationship, or do whatever your Domly thing might be. Many submissives will internalize the inconsistency and think it’s their fault. Others will just be pissed off at you. Either way, it’s a storm of negative emotions and unhappiness in your D/s relationship.

Builds Trust

One of the most important things about establishing trust as a Dominant (beyond communication and consent) is following through and doing what you say you’ll do. If you’re inconsistent, your submissive may learn very quickly they can’t trust you. You won’t call when you say you will, be Dominant when it’s been agreed to, or be reliable in the relationship. And remember, consistency is important throughout a relationship — not just in the early stages of building trust.

Helps a Relationship Grow

When you’re inconsistent in your D/s relationship, it’s almost impossible for the relationship to grow and become more than it is at the beginning. You get stuck in a cycle. Trust doesn’t develop. Communication falters. Feelings get hurt. Moving onto new and better stages of your relationship are almost impossible in these circumstances. But when you follow through, follow up, and show up for your D/s relationship — consistently — you’re both able to build something together. Why? Because you’ve earned your submissive’s trust, and they know they can depend on you.

Shows Your Commitment to the Relationship

We focus on the things that matter to us. We make them a priority. And when we can’t, we’re upset and work to make it right. Being consistent as a Dominant shows that you’re committed to your submissive and the D/s relationship you’re building together. It might not always be perfect, and you might fuck up from time to time (hey, it happens). But showing up makes a big difference. You don’t have to get it right all the time, but you do need to be committed enough to your submissive to do what you say you’ll do.

It probably seems like we’re picking on Dominants here. Maybe so, but it’s because you shoulder a lot of responsibility in your D/s relationship. Yes, your submissive has to do their part, but this is what being the leader and in control is about. If you can do what you say you’ll do, be there for your submissive, and follow through on your D/s agreement (whatever it may be), you help your relationship succeed. Which is, hopefully, the entire point.

In episode 151 we dive deeper into the conversation about consistency in D/s relationships and why it’s so important for Dominant and submissive. Check it out!

Got thoughts and opinions on consistency from Dominants in D/s relationships? Share with us in the comments below or talk to us on Twitter!

What It’s Like to Hide My Happy Poly Relationship

Last year, the story of my life altered forever. On a November day, my Sir told me he wanted me to move to his city when I completed school. To be a tangible part of each other’s lives. In one day, the solitary future I’d anticipated changed completely. Instead, I chose a future that included him. And not just him! But also his live-in lady, his Most Significant Other. Plus their mini-menagerie of cute pets.

I was cautious at first. Was he joking? Daydreaming? If I took it seriously would he freak out?

A few hours later I asked, “…how much did you mean about me living there?”

“Every bit of it,” he promised.

Moving for Love

Then everything started to really change. It had been changing incrementally in the previous months. When we started texting every day. When we started beginning and ending our days with emoji kisses attached to “good mornings” and “sleep wells”. But that was when everything started moving beyond the electronic screen. A transition where the feelings and bond we’d been developing could manifest in the real world.

Ironically, this was also when the hiding began.

For professional and familial reasons, we can’t be out except to a miniscule list of trustworthy friends. My Sir and his lady have to seem monogamous to the rest of the world. Until I am lucky enough to have a primary, I appear to all the world as ‘single’.

Not openly sharing an online relationship is easy and perhaps largely appropriate. It’s even more true when the two of you live far apart and connected in the first place through FetLife.

Built-In Support

It’s less easy to explain why you’ve suddenly decided not to go off to live in a cabin in the Oregonian woods after grad school and instead will embrace your full potential, pursuing a career in a big city on the opposite coast. It wasn’t a huge leap. It was a good fit for my profession. I had friends from my undergrad days in the area. There were relatives nearby. But the switch still slightly confuses my mom.

Some of my excitement and confidence to take on this adventure had to be dampened. My Sir had encouraged and mentored me as I grew through my studies and ambitions. I knew I would have a significant other and his other significant other waiting there to support me (when I first met my Sir’s lady, she gave me a great big hug). These were amazing forces enabling me on this path. And no one could know.

Now I’m in a new apartment with a new job, adapting to and exploring this new home. Am I also having more sex and kinky fun than I’ve had in years? You better believe it! But even better: I’m doing all of this with someone cheering me on. I have a close friend, a great mentor, a cuddle buddy, someone to exchange “I love yous” with. It’s wonderful. It’s transforming my life for the better.

Hiding Our Poly Life

But we’re still trying to figure out how this new life can continue while shielding ourselves. We’ve been discussing ‘cover stories’ about how we met for social events. We can’t decide on one. Evasions and omissions are one thing. An outright lie is another. Let alone one you have to keep straight between three people.

My mom and I are quite close. She’s been worried about me coming out here, starting almost from scratch. I’ve kept my mom largely in the dark about my support system here. I tell my mom “I went out with friends last night” or “Don’t worry about me being sick, I have friends that will check up on me.” What that actually means is “I’m having fun with and being taken care of by this amazing person that you will never ever know about.”

I think my mom would like to know that I’m seeing someone. She would like to know that I’m being looked after in this new big city. I don’t think she’d like to know that person also has a live-in girlfriend. Even if said girlfriend is absolutely lovely and they have a pair of adorable dogs.

Sharing My Joy and Happiness

There is a lot of prejudice against what many see as a ‘closed loop’ relationship, the one that can’t spiral upward with societal relationship ‘achievements’. The non-monogamous relationship. The “it’s just sex” relationship. There’s a prejudice that the only worthwhile relationships are ones that have a prescribed potential story arc: meet, love, move in, marry, kids, death. Investment in a relationship without that potential on the table is seen as a waste. Instead, the plot line of multiple relationships is assumed and seemingly preferred to be ripe with conflict and unhappy endings. Outright infidelity is easier to talk about than successful non-monogamy.

Why do we have to hide these joys? Sharing pieces of yourself with another. Growing in trust, respect, and love. Finding support when you need it most. The different stories that are just as worthy, the endings that are just as happy, are unacceptable to tell.
Some would say supportively: “Well it’s nobody’s business but yours.”

It’s true. Sure, no one really needs to know about when Sir chained me to the futon and fed me sushi (but let me tell you it was super fun!). However, it’s unfortunate to not be able to share, to celebrate what we’ve found and are enjoying. It feels deeply invalidating of our happiness. It adds stress that isn’t fair for us to endure.

And there’s the tiny but real possibility that it won’t always be about hiding happiness. Suppose we break up? Worse, what if one of us gets hit by a bus? We’d have to squirrel away that whirlwind of feelings everyone else has a right to openly express during heartbreak and loss. Another story that we’ll never be able to tell.

Currently, our story is: we’re happy. But to the larger world, the story is: just not the ‘right’ kind of happy.

About Bittersweet Mercy

Bittersweet Mercy is a bi and bold millennial who tries to save the world under one name by day and at night writes, performs stand up, and plays under aliases. She is greatly enjoying her new life in the DC area.

5 Signs of Unhealthy Insecurities in Your D/s Relationship

Content warning: mentions of abuse, primarily emotional abuse. We don’t go into details, but take care of yourself. If today isn’t the day for you to think about bad relationships and insecure partners, come back another time.

I’ve just finished reading a few articles on unhealthy jealousy in relationships, and I noticed something strange. Some of the legitimate signs of something wrong in a relationship can also be applied to healthy D/s power exchange relationships. Taking control of the other person, telling them where to go, deciding what you’ll do together…sound familiar?

As with everything, it’s about consent. One person’s controlling jealous asshole is someone else’s great Dominant. Weird, right?

How something makes you feel and what the intentions are matter most. Jealousy is insecurity by another name (shout-out to Professor Sex for teaching me that one). So when someone in a D/s relationship is jealous, they’re really just insecure.

It’s not your job to correct those insecurities. If you’re doing everything you’ve agreed to do, being honest, respecting boundaries and limits, and following the “rules” of your relationship, the insecurity is their problem. But it impacts you and your relationship, so it becomes your problem, too. What, if anything, you do about it depends a lot on your partner.

Low-level insecurity improves with communication, time, and trust. But massive insecurity that impacts the relationship might not be something you can (or should) try to repair. That’s a decision only you can make.

Just because something sounds like a sexy D/s thing doesn’t mean it’s healthy or okay. And some things that we call insecurity or jealousy can be just as harmful and damaging as other more “obvious” forms of abuse.

Wanting to Know Everything, All the Time

In many D/s relationships, it’s typical for one partner to let the other partner know where you’re going, who you’re going to be with it, and what’s happening. I don’t leave the house without John Brownstone knowing about it, and when he goes out, I want to know what he’s done. (I’m nosy like that.)

But there’s a line between curiosity, concern, and your power dynamic and a freak-out over where you’ve been and what you’ve been doing. Agreeing to tell your partner where you go and what you do is one thing — that’s consensual. Having the information demanded of you “because they’re the Dom” or with guilt, tears, and a worried overreaction — that’s insecurity.

If the information isn’t freely given, it’s coerced. When you’re made to feel bad because “they didn’t know” or “you didn’t say anything” — and it’s not part of your power exchange — it’s a quick trip to their insecurity and feeling like you can’t be your own person. Submissive or Dominant, we’re always our own people.

The only information a partner gets to have is the information we consent to give them. Yes, open communication is best, but being bullied, guilt-tripped, or coerced into sharing details is unhealthy.

 

Taking Control Beyond Consented Limits

You’ve talked through your power exchange, agreed to how D/s will work for you, and are trying to navigate it. Next thing you know, your Dom is demanding more power, more control, more everything. You’re not comfortable, and when you ask why, you get answers that don’t fit or seem worrisome.

  • I worry about you.
  • Because I can help you.
  • It’s my right. (There is no “right” to D/s, only what you consent to offer freely.)

What is it that they really want? Are they trying to micromanage you? Do they think you’re going to run off with the next Dom that falls in front of you? Even if their intentions are good, it’s a huge red flag and speaks of definite insecurities.

Some people, when they’re massively insecure, feel like the only way to keep their partner is to hold on tighter. This is problematic in any relationship, but when a Dom does it, it slips into abusive territory very quickly. Hopefully when called on it, your partner will realize what they’re trying to do and stop. It doesn’t mean you should stay in the relationship with them, but it’s easier to deal with than the controlling asshole who doesn’t care that they’ve crossed a line.

Giving Zero Space

This one is touchy because every person needs their own unique amount of space in a relationship. But there’s a line between OMG-this-feels-good and OMG-I’m-suffocating.

To the kinkster who’s now imagining their last string of back-to-back messages, you’re not automatically suffocating your partner because you want to talk to them all the time. If they’re cool with it, then keep doing it. As long as it works for both of you, it’s fine.

But if you realize that you’re sending excessive messages or trying to get your partner’s attention all the time, ask yourself why. Is it because they almost never talk to you until you nag them? That’s a different problem.

Is it because you’re terrified that if you go even an hour without hearing from there, they’ll leave you? That screams insecurity.

Maybe they’ve given you a reason to feel insecure and maybe they haven’t. That’s a separate conversation. But if you’re not certain of their affection, attention, or time, think about why that might be. Is it because of their actions or because of something going on with you?

Making You Feel Guilty

Guilt is not all bad. It’s useful for realizing when we’ve fucked up and should apologize or correct the situation. Being made to feel bad all the time — for living our lives, having friends, or not living up to some standard is borderline emotional abuse. (Maybe it’s fully emotional abuse — I’ll let experts tell us.)

D/s relationships won’t be perfect. Sometimes you’ll be sad, angry, or feel guilty. You will, at some point, argue with each other. But if you feel bad all the time, and your partner is the reason for it, that’s a definite problem.

  • Are they upset when you leave them alone?
  • Do they think they should get all your attention?
  • Do they act like you’re responsible for their bad mood?

Those kinds of things are very short trips into really dangerous and abusive situations. But even in a less scary situation, this is (at least partly) due to massive insecurities on their part.

Operating Under Double Standards

A huge red flag that we caution new submissives against is when a “dom” says something like, “I can have open relationships and as many partners as I want. But you’re mine, and you can’t. I own you.”

Ugh, I feel the need to take a shower after that. It’s not sexy (when presented like that). It’s gross and creepy.

When we see it in the early stages of a D/s relationship, we know it for the red flag that it is. But what happens once the relationship is established, you’ve figured out your power dynamic, and you’re trying to make it work? It can be subtle and insidious at first.

Yes, a Dom gets to make decisions, and a submissive doesn’t. That’s the power exchange. But a submissive has to consent to it, too. Nothing is “Because I said so” until a sub decides they’re okay with it.

What does this look like in action?

  • I can go out with friends, but you have to stay home.
  • I can have multiple partners, but you can’t — even if you want to.
  • No one is allowed to talk to you except for me. (Scary, right?)
  • Don’t look at, flirt with, or engage with other people, but I can.

Some of these things might even start out kind of sexy, like you’re finally “owned” the way you’ve always wanted to be. But eventually, it may begin to chafe. And have you actually consented to it, or did you go along because for a few minutes it was kind of hot?

If there was no discussion about it, now is the time to get it out in the open and deal with it. If you consent to it, have fun with it! But if you don’t, you don’t have to accept it as a D/s thing, because it’s not.

Bottomline…

All of these things exist on a spectrum from a little to a lot. It may be some underlying insecurities that have to do with bad tapes — which you may be able to work through together. This might also be the result of some dangerous, controlling, red flag, abusive behavior. Sure, your partner is “insecure” at some level, but you don’t feel safe. Working on their insecurities isn’t a priority — but feeling safe should be.

Only you know where you lie on the spectrum — whether you’re the one dealing with your partner’s insecurity or you’re the insecure partner. In safe situations, communication and being honest about your feelings is a good first step. Talking to a professional may be a good idea, too. But when insecurities move beyond a fixable thing, what’s most important is that you take care of yourself.

This week in episode 148 we’re talking about jealousy and insecurities in D/s. Hopefully the podcast episode will be a little lighter than this, but these are real concerns that kinksters deal with all the time. The line between an annoying insecurity and a scary one isn’t always clear. 

Got thoughts about insecurities? Ever been the insecure one and had to pull yourself out of it? Was your partner able to help or did it hurt the relationship? Have you been on bad end of your partner’s insecurities. Feel free to share your experiences in the comments below or talk to us on Twitter!

4 Things D/s Won’t Magically Fix In Your Relationship

Dominance and submission (D/s) can enhance your relationship, take your desire and confidence to new levels, help you grow as an individual and in your relationship, and do a lot of things short of shooting glitter out of your butt. Basically, for some of us, D/s is fucking amazing.

But it’s not superglue, y’all. It can’t magically fix everything.

While many of us (myself included) can’t imagine a life without D/s, many people see it as a cure-all for struggling relationships. If your relationship is in trouble because you’re constantly trying to figure out who’s in charge, D/s might fix that. But if your current relationship struggles for any of these other reasons, D/s won’t cure it. It might make the problem more obvious or worse.

Communication Issues

D/s only works when both partners are willing to communicate openly and clearly. This isn’t a skill that many people have, so it’s got to be learned. Yes, of course, you can learn to communicate better as you explore D/s. In fact, most of us do. You don’t have to be perfect at it, you only have to be willing to try.

But if one or both of you refuses to communicate and refuses to learn, D/s will only magnify that problem by a thousand. Refusing to communicate looks different in everyone. Some people withdraw. Others deflect and want to talk about anything else. Even worse, some people lie — from small white lies to big whoppers.

When communication is lacking, your D/s relationship can’t grow and thrive. In the end, you may lose trust, feel resentful, and the relationship may be worse than when you started. Before you start your D/s journey together, both sides need to understand how important communication is, even if you’re not great at it yet.

Trust Issues

There is nothing in BDSM, including D/s, that doesn’t require trust from both sides. You have to trust each other to do what you say you’ll do. Trust that you respect the others boundaries, and trust that you’ll speak up in good times and in bad. Just like communication, trust can definitely deepen and grow as you explore D/s. It’s a beautiful thing when you learn that you can rely on each other in new ways.

But if you don’t trust your partner to follow through, do what they say they will, keep up their end of the bargain, or not lie to you, D/s is like pouring gasoline on the situation. If your partner isn’t worthy of trust, you may never know if they’ll listen to your safe word, check in with you, or be there when you need them. Real people get really hurt in these moments — physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Trust is too important a piece of the D/s puzzle to not have. But you can’t wave a wand, confer on yourselves the title of Dom or sub, and think all trust issues have been fixed. If trust is lacking, you both need to be honest with yourselves and each other about how to overcome it.

Problems with Follow Through

Both Dominant and submissive have responsibilities in your D/s relationship. Even if you’re in a relationship where one person only does what the other person says and/or the micromanagement is high, it only works when both of you do your part. Not everyone is as reliable as we’d like them to be, even when we love them a lot.

If either of you (or both of you) have problems following through with promises made or responsibilities, D/s is going to be a greater challenge. It doesn’t matter which side of the slash you’re on. Can you overcome it and work through it? Can you learn to be better? Of course! But deciding that you each have new roles and entering D/s doesn’t immediately fix this problem.

Old habits die hard. If you’re the type who starts off enthusiastic and then gets bored or worried “it doesn’t really matter” (for any reason), this is going to bite you in the ass at some point. Your partner will be left disappointed because you didn’t do your part. They might wonder if you really want to be D/s at all. Now you’ve both got hurt feelings and mistrust to deal with.

Mental Health Issues

First, let me say that if you have mental illnesses of any kind – anxiety, depression, personality disorder, you name it – you can absolutely have a healthy D/s relationship. Speaking from personal experience, a solid D/s relationship may even help you (or be the reason you) work through your mental health issues. This happens in a variety of ways because it’s unique to everyone. For me, I wanted to get control of my anxiety and bipolar disorder so I could be a better submissive,  and I learned to talk about it so John Brownstone would know what was going on with me.

But D/s, on its own, can not cure depression, anxiety, or any other mental health issue. It may help you feel more yourself. In some cases, it may help you clear your mind. But in some cases, if you’re not getting the medical care, support, or help you need, it might exacerbate things. Plenty of really wonderful submissives and Dominants struggle with mental illness.

Dominants and submissives put a lot of pressure on ourselves, and even the healthiest among us can feel guilty when we fall short of our own expectations. Keep the lines of communication open. Be willing to seek help where you can find it. Don’t think that you’re weak or believe you’re a bad Dom or sub because of your mental health issues. You’re not. You’re human and you deserve a happy, healthy D/s relationship too.

D/s is an amazing thing in a lot of relationships. We’ve heard from many couples who say it saved their marriage. Discovering my submissive self and being in a healthy relationship has done a lot for me, too. I’m more confident, know I’m loved, and understand my place in the world a little bit better.

But D/s isn’t magic, y’all. You can have any of the issues we named above and still have a healthy D/s relationship but, like anything else, it requires hard work and effort from both of you.

Guess what we’re talking about this week on the podcast! Episode 147 will be about using D/s to “fix” relationships — both the good and the bad. For those who love them, there will likely be plenty of rants from me. Can you think of other situations some people use D/s to “fix”? Share in the comments below or talk to us on Twitter!

 

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