LovingBDSM

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Category: Kinky Fuckery (page 1 of 5)

His Two Favorite Penis Masturbators

Consider this a tale of two penis masturbators. Proof-positive that you can enjoy multiple types of stimulation — which is why (when you can afford it) having multiple sex toys can be really fun.

We’re joining in for Kink of the Week to talk about John Brownstone’s two favorite masturbators.

Tenga Egg

picture of wavy tenga eggWhile in London at my first Eroticon, shopping at a sex toy store (as you do) I picked up a Tenga egg for John Brownstone, on a whim. I didn’t even really know what it did. But I wanted him to know I was thinking of him while we were apart.

Does anything else say, “I’m thinking of you” like sex toys?

The Tenga egg is a masturbator that fits over your penis. You stroke it up and down so that textured material stimulates your penis instead of just your hand. Straight out of the package, it’s ready to go because it’s already lubed up.

He looooooves his Tenga egg. I didn’t realize it was supposed to be a one-time use toy until he confessed that he had to be very careful when he cleaned it.

“We can buy more Tenga eggs!!!”

I was a bit appalled. We’re not rolling in money, but like the eggs in the refrigerator, I can buy more if he really wants some. It seems fair. He lets me buy the expensive cage-free eggs to eat, and I’m happy for him to have these eggs to play with.

He doesn’t have to keep re-using it, but he loves it. (But also, I really need to buy him new ones.)

Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo

Hot Octopuss Pulse III DuoFull disclosure: we received the Pulse III Duo back in 2016 in exchange for an honest review. And we were happy to do it. It’s not a cheap masturbator, though, and without the review, we might not own one now.

But from that moment, Hot Octopuss has been one of our favorite sex toy companies. We’ve tried their other penis toys — a smaller version of the Pulse (aka the Pocket Pulse) and the Atom cock ring (the standard and the Plus). When I say “we,” I mostly mean him. He uses, I watch, and we both get off in our own way.

But time and time again, he comes back to the Pulse III Duo (affiliate link). Probably for the same reason I consistently use the same vibrators. It makes him feel something that other toys just don’t.

When I went to Eroticon in 2017, that same trip where I bought the never-to-be-thrown-away Tenga egg, he told me to tell Aly and Adam from HO one thing:

“I used it until the battery died, and now I have to wait to recharge it so I can use it again.”

It was a strange first introduction, but it sums up our relationship with Hot Octopuss. Frankly, once you’ve told a complete stranger your partner loves a sex toy so much they wore the battery down, you form a bond that’s not easily broken.

Also, if you’re wondering if he had a good time without me, I think we know the answer to that, too.

The Pulse III (Duo or Solo) is designed for people with penises who also have physical disabilities, but it can be used by anyone with a penis. You can be soft or rock hard when you put your penis in it. You don’t even have to stroke yourself with it. The oscillations (instead of vibrations) do the work for you.

Which One is His Absolute Favorite?

So how does he pick which he loves better? I think that’s like picking your favorite child. But he doesn’t need a favorite. It’s not about loving one masturbator over another. Like people who love their collection of dildos or vibrators, he likes different sex toys for different reasons. Because they make him feel good in their own way.

By embracing different sensations, he can pick and choose what to play with when the mood strikes. And the next time he refers to me as a “greedy girl” (which I am), I’m going to remind him about the times when he uses both. Not at the same time, but certainly in the same evening. Stroking himself with one, then switching to the other. I think that’s why they’re called toys, y’all. Because you get to play.

Since we’re always looking for more ways to play, what are your favorite penis masturbators? Share in the comments below or talk to us on Twitter!

On Shaving and Hair Removal

Shaving, the current Kink of the Week topic, has so many connotations.

Maybe you see the word and you think of shaving your pubic hair. Or you think of beards. When I see the word, I immediately think of my legs. That’s probably because I’ve been shaving them for 30-plus years.

John Brownstone and I have a dichotomous relationship with this method of removing hair.

Pubic Hair Removal

I refuse to shave my vulva, because I hate stubble. Neither of us is opposed to hair removal, though. So I wax. It’s an important enough thing to us that we worked the cost into our household budget. Yes, technically it’s a luxury, but we treat it like a necessity.

Keeping your pubes (or not) brings up strong feelings for some people. I’ve heard and read all the comments about wanting people with vulvas to look more child-like or feeling “dirty” with pubic hair. And I’ve heard and read about how awful that is and down with the patriarchy, and all of that.

The fact is that I have really coarse hair (all over the damn place), and I never, ever liked my pubes. Right after my divorce, I got my first Brazilian, and I’ve never looked back. I was single (and NOT looking to mingle) at the time. It’s a practice I’ve continued because I love how it feels.

But, keep your cold razor away from my vulva. I know what happens to my legs after a day or two of not shaving, and there’s no way I’m doing that to my pussy.

Growing a Beard

So you’d think that by having a beard, John Brownstone doesn’t want to shave either. Actually, he takes shaving very seriously. How serious?

He made his own shaving brush and razor (the handle, not the blade). He uses very specific shaving creams and soaps. His “shaving kit” travels with us. It gets its own place of honor in our suitcase.

Yep, shaving is serious business around here.

And it makes sense. He may have a beard, but he wants it to look a certain way. While he may not shave his entire face, he wants to keep the lines clean. He hates looking “bushy” or like a wild man.

He uses a safety razor that knicks and slices too easily. He tells me he has to be very careful and needs more practice. I know that when I walk in on him shaving, I have to be quiet and not startle him. But he loves it and won’t use anything else.

Manscaping

For the record, he also (from time to time) shaves his pubes. He doesn’t use the good razor for that — mostly because such a sharp blade has no business near his junk. A multi-blade disposable gets the job done.

So my lack of pubes isn’t some grotesque desire to make me seem younger or whatever. And he’s the type who thinks if it’s good enough for me, it’s good enough for him. We’ve got an equal-opportunity pube-removal thing going on over here.

While he doesn’t do it as consistently as I do, we both love it when he shaves. He’s much more sensitive, and I spend less time spitting hair out of my mouth after a blowjob.

Shaving Each Other

Since no blade is allowed near my junk, the kink of being shaved by him isn’t an option. And I prefer to shave my own legs, thank you very much.

He’s teased and said maybe he should have me shave him. But I know how badly I can knick my leg — after 30 years of experience!! The idea of controlling the blade makes me more than a little nervous.

Plenty of people love the intimacy of shaving their partner or being shaved by them. For us, it just doesn’t work. But we both love the end results.

Now we’re curious. Do you have strong feelings about shaving? Is it a kink of yours? Feel free to share in comments below or talk to us on Twitter!

Role Play vs. D/s Relationships

If you’ve listened to the podcast, you’ve probably heard me say (a lot!) that I’m no fan of role play, while John Brownstone’s got some seriously steamy fantasies that he wishes I’d try with him. Role play is a legitimate way to explore sexual desires, try new things, and have more kinky fuckery together. It’s just not my thing.

Have you ever had someone throw your D/s dynamic back in your face as “some weird role play shit?” I have. (Damn those internet trolls.)

So let’s talk about the differences between role play and D/s.

Note: You can play with D/s as part of your role play, and you can absolutely incorporate role play into your D/s. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. But they’re also not the same thing, either.

Role Play

In role play, the definition is in the name — you and your partner play a role, a part. You pretend to be someone you’re not. Typically this is part of some fantasy you have or as a way to express a desire. The vast majority of role play is sexual, even if it doesn’t end in sex. I won’t say that all role play is sexual, because as soon as I do, someone will have an example saying otherwise. But when someone slips on their nurse’s outfit and hands a stethoscope to their partner, the end goal is often sex.

And like a role in a play, it’s something you can start and end at any given moment. Just like the costume that you may or may not wear comes off at the end, so does the part you played. You’re not the naughty schoolboy with the sexy head mistress all the time…are you?

Role play gives you the chance to try out different desires, to play pretend in a sexy way, and to explore new things in what can feel like a safer environment. It’s not you who begged to be ravished by multiple cocks on the deck of this pirate ship. Your character wanted it! (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

For the record, I might be distinctly turned off by role play, but I can see its benefits, too. And for the people who enjoy it, I know they have a lot of fun.

D/s Relationships

While outsiders may call the power exchange between a Dominant and a submissive “role play,” it’s not. I get why people might think it, of course. When we scene, we sometimes wear costumes and pull out props. Our props of choice are weapons of ass destruction while yours may be something different. We speak to each other in ways that don’t fit into everyday vanilla conversations. And yes, we talk about our “role” in the relationship.

More than anything, the difference between role play and D/s is the intent.

  • My “role” within the relationship is no different than my “role” as a parent. It’s not something I turn off and turn on. It’s a part of who I am, even when I’m not actively in that role.
  • The clothes and props may enhance a scene, but they’re not needed for me to know who’s in charge and who isn’t.
  • A scene can have elements of role play in it, but it’s (for us, at least) an expression of our D/s relationship. It’s typically a combination of the physical, mental, and emotional.

So yes, from the outside looking in, from the perspective of someone who doesn’t know any different, D/s might look like role play. But we know who and what we are, and that’s all that matters.

Some might argue that bedroom only D/s might be a form of role play. Maybe it is for some people, but I doubt that’s true for the majority. They’re still Dominant and submissive the rest of the time. They only express it in a specific place.

Transitioning From Role Play Into D/s

I’ve always thought that all role play had some element of a power exchange, even if only lightly. Think of the stereotypical scenes: student/teacher, cop/robber, nurse/doctor, patient/doctor, even plumber and hot wife. Who gets the power between you is up to you and your imagination, but most of the time someone has it.

So when people have asked me how they can try out D/s or see if their partner enjoys it, I’ve suggested trying role play. Not as a substitute for communication or consent, but to keep the moment light and easy. To take the pressure off both people and make it something playful. After you play, it’s time to talk. Did you like it? Does it feel good? Would you like more of it? What if it wasn’t just role play?

That’s not a good option for everyone. But if the sexy aspect of D/s is more appealing than the serious responsibility of power exchange, it’s one way to try it out and use it as a starting point.

You can also use role play as a way to try different kink identities or types of play in your power exchange.

When people decide  something is a part of their kink identity, they tend to place a lot of weight and expectations on what they do next. (It immediately becomes Very Serious.) But exploring a desire shouldn’t have to always be so serious. If role play takes the pressure off, try out a new thing that way first before making it part of your power exchange.

Bottomline: Role play and D/s aren’t the same thing. They’re two separate things to enjoy and explore. Can they be incorporated together? Of course they can! Do both have a place in a D/s relationship? Of course they do! But how you explore and what you do is between you and your partner.

When a Scene Goes Bad: The Right and Wrong Way to Handle It by Little Rara

“A top who has never had something go wrong in a scene has either been unbelievably lucky or has barely scened at all.”

A friend said this to me once after we had witnessed a scene go wrong, and I couldn’t agree more. BDSM is very risky and anyone who says otherwise is a fool. If you are smart and experienced, then you have identified ways to minimize risks, but there is still always the chance that things can go wrong. They can be small things but they can also be really big things and everyone, top and bottom, should be prepared to deal with mistakes.

I am a masochist so my style of play is pretty hardcore. Therefore, the potential for getting hurt is always there and I work with tops who make every effort to keep me safe. But the risk certainly exists, and I have been injured twice during impact scenes, both time resulting in scars. One top handled the scene with intelligence and grace; the other did not. I only continue to play with one of these tops. Can you guess which one?

The Right Way

My first injury happened during a flogging scene. My top was a good friend, and I had scened with him multiple times and never had a problem. This night he was using a brand new flogger that he had made himself. Things were going fine, and I was having fun when all of a sudden my top stopped flogging and gasped. The handle of his flogger was held to the base with a long screw and apparently the screw had grazed me and taken a chunk of skin with it. I now had blood dripping down my butt. He immediately checked with me to make sure I was okay. The funny part is that between my subspace and high pain threshold, I had no clue I had been cut. He reached for his first aid kit which was a part of his toy bag and dealt with my cut. He apologized profusely for the injury.

Once my injury had been dealt with and my top was assured that I was okay, he began investigating what happened. He inspected his toy and was able to determine how the injury happened. He promised that he would correct the error and look at all of the floggers he had made and ensure that such a mistake wouldn’t happen again. Through further discussion with me and others who had been watching the scene, he also determined that he needed more space between himself and his bottom to ensure that the flogger handle would not touch the bottom.

My top continued to check in with me for a few days after the incident to make sure the healing process was going well. He also reassured me that he had learned from the mistake and had corrected it. I felt he had handled the situation well, and I have since scened with him again. I accepted that mistakes happen, I was just pleased and satisfied with how he handled the situation and confident that such a mistake would not happen again.

The Wrong Way

The second time I was hurt actually occurred during my birthday spanking scene. My favorite tops were selected to spank me using my favorite implement of theirs. One top selected a single tail whip and proceeded to use it. The first two hits were fine but on the third hit he opened up my skin and left a two inch cut. This time though it was not the top who took care of my cut but instead another friend did. The top’s only response was “oops.”  He never apologized to me, and he never spoke of the incident to me again.

This cut happened to me more than six months ago but every time I look at my butt, I see the scar and am reminded of the injury. I had to wear bandages on it for two weeks, because it had become infected. I continued to see the top at other events, and he never mentioned the incident. There was no apology. There was no discussion of what happened or a realization of how to avoid a repeat of the incident. I have little faith that he learned or that the mistake wouldn’t happen again. As a result, while we have maintained a friendship, I no longer scene with him.

Mistakes Happen

I’m not angry or upset that I got hurt. Nor am I angry or upset that I have a scar. I am upset, and hurt, by the lack of remorse. I am frustrated by the lack of learning. I am sad because I loved scening with him and had some amazing scenes involving whipping clothespins off my body and I miss that. But because of the way this top chose to deal with his mistake, I just can’t scene with him and feel safe.

As a bottom, I always have a choice as to who I play with. I want them to have knowledge, honed skills and a reasonable amount of experience. I don’t expect my tops to be perfect though. Everyone makes mistakes but if we don’t learn from them, we are doomed to repeat them. I have great confidence in the first top that he gained wisdom and knowledge from what happened and has made changes to the way he makes floggers and uses them. I have very little confidence that the second top will make different choices the next time he participates in a whipping scene.  Mistakes are learning opportunities and if your top isn’t willing to learn, then you shouldn’t be willing to bottom for them.

About Little Rara

LittleRara is a poly masochistic sub with a Dom, a girlfriend, and a core group of dedicated tops that she scenes with regularly. She is an active member of her local BDSM community. She hosts munches, play parties, discussion groups and educational classes.

Want to learn more about LittleRara?

Follow her on FetLife

Follow her on Twitter  or Tumblr

Is it the Accent or the Person?

The latest Kink of the Week topic is all about voices, accents, and languages. The prompt asks whether they’re a kink of yours — why or why not.

For me, accents can be sexy. I’m partial to a British, Scottish, or Irish accent, but they’re not a kink of mine.

That doesn’t mean I haven’t been affected by them, either.

Before I met John Brownstone, I was in another D/s relationship. He had a leftover Brooklyn accent from a childhood spent in New York. His voice was deep and sexy, especially when he turned on the Dom Voice™ and (consensually) used it against me.

He could send shivers up my spine and warmth straight to my cunt.

One night I confessed that I enjoyed certain accents. He confessed that he’d wanted to be an actor as a kid and had practiced accents until he got good at them. I giggled and demanded that he prove it. (I was a total babygirl before I knew I was a babygirl.)

He spent the next 20 minutes telling me how and where to touch myself in a thick Irish accent. I almost forgot he was anything but some rogue from an old bodice-ripping romance novel.  As long as he spoke in that voice, I think I would have done or said anything — and not just because he was the Dom to my sub.

Was it a form of role play? I tell myself no, because I really don’t enjoy role play. And he never pretended to be someone else. Although he definitely fit right into my fantasies of what sexy sounded like.

Was I turned on by the accent, him, or a bit of both? I vote for both. No one else could have said those things and commanded my attention and response but him. That he did it in an accent I enjoyed made it that much hotter.

I don’t hear accents and get immediately wet. But when I hear one I like, I look to see if they appeal to me on a superficial level. If there’s such a thing as “points,” adding an accent to an appealing physical presence (what appeals to me might not appeal to you), becomes a bit of a bonus.

Are accents a kink or fetish in general? Of course they are because everything is a kink or fetish for someone.

Would I mind if a sexy accent (consensually) whispered dirty, kinky fuckery in my ear? Nope, not at all. But the person behind the accent will always matter more.

Indulge my curiosity…are there any voices, accents, or languages that turn you on? Share in the comments or talk to us on Twitter!

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