The Loving BDSM Podcast

Category: Fit for Kink

How to Set Fitness Goals | Fit for Kink

For this week’s Fit for Kink video, instead of talking about achieving goals, let’s discuss how to set fitness goals. I think these tips apply to any goal setting, but since our focus is fitness and weight loss so we can do our kink, thats what I went with.

I consider myself a very goal-oriented person, and these are the things I do to set and achieve my personal and professional goals. Hopefully, they’ll help you, too!

In this video:

  • Trying to set goals that aren’t specific enough get overwhelming very fast.
  • To set yourself up for success, try these steps:
    • Figure out your big, overall goal. What is the thing you ultimately want to happen?
    • Break down that big goal into smaller pieces.
    • Create a timeline for how long you think it might take. Be prepared to adjust this timelines as you deal with the reality of your situation. Adjustments do not equal failure.
    • Think of what you need to do to achieve this smaller goal. Eat a certain amount of calories. Do a specific type of exercise.
    • Make a list of all the things you think you have to do to achieve your goal. Pick 1 to 3 to try for a month. Plan to add more as you develop new habits.
    • Start the process and realize it’s going to be hard and there will be days that you forget or don’t feel like it.
  • When you “mess up” or fall off the wagon, start again the very next day or meal.

Body Image Issues | Fit for Kink

I took inspiration from John Brownstone for the latest Fit for Kink video. He wrote an incredible piece about dealing with his own body image issues and losing weight. Yes,  men feel that way, too.

Not only did he open my eyes a bit wider (because even I forget that we can all hate how we look), but he got me thinking. Because of course he did.

Highlights from this video:

  • We all deal with body image issues at some point, no matter how thin, fat, or in-between we are.
  • Mine began nearly from birth, but certainly in my teen years which is typical.
  • A bit of body dysmorphia is typical when you’ve carried a lot of weight or still feel insecure as the weight comes off.
  • Use different tips and tricks to help see the progress even when your eyes lie to you:
    • Pictures
    • Tape measure
    • The size of your clothes
    • What people tell you
    • Your fitness progress
  • And since we’re kinky around here, let whether you can do the BDSM and kink things you’ve wanted to do be a sign. Sometimes our minds and eyes trick us, so we’ve got to outsmart ourselves and use other tools.

Are Cheat Days Okay? | Fit for Kink

For the record, to avoid confusion, I’m talking about “cheating” on your diet or fitness program — not your partner. Just before we went out of town, I recorded a video for our Fit for Kink series to discuss the idea of cheating or, at least, letting up on your program when you go on vacation, visit family, or are in situations where you don’t always control your food.

Oh, and at the top I refer to it as a “quick” video, and 13 minutes is quick for me, so it’s still an accurate statement.

In the video:

  • Let’s not call them “cheat” days because that implies we’re doing something wrong.
  • Better to consider these moments “indulgences” instead.
  • Some people can’t handle an entire day of cheating or going off their plan. Maybe allow yourself a small indulgence.
  • Few programs work if you have to be super-strict every moment of the day.
  • Yes, on a ketogenic diet you can indulge. I tend to drink more diet sodas and have more coffee with more heavy cream. Note: After this past weekend, I also realized that I wasn’t as strict on my calorie counting, although I still ate according to my plan.
  • Fitness might go out the window, but that’s okay, too. “Cheat” days aren’t just for food (for some people).
  • The whole point of getting fit for kink is to change your lifestyle to match your lifestyle — or the lifestyle you want to have. If you’re on a plan that never allows you to loosen up a little, it’s going to be hard to stick to.
  • If you do go a little wild with your cheats and indulgences, start again the next day. Try not to dwell on what’s happened. Move forward. Beating yourself up over it isn’t productive.

Now it’s your turn. How do you handle “cheat” days? Do you even call them that? What are your indulgences or do you find it’s easier just to stick to your plan? Share in the comments below or talk to us on Twitter!


Small Goals and Slow Progress | Fit for Kink

In the second video of the Fit for Kink series on YouTube, I discuss why small goals and slow progress count. In fact, in some ways, they’re much better than trying to focus on the end result you’re trying to achieve.


To me, small goals are more manageable and easier to change, especially if something doesn’t work. Instead of trying to do All the Things at once, start with a single change you want to make and track your progress for month. Create new habits instead of forcing yourself to become an entirely new person.

What is Fit for Kink? | New Fit for Kink Video Series

What does it mean to be fit for kink? I can tell you what it doesn’t mean.

It doesn’t mean that you have to be a specific size, weight, or body type. Being fit for kink means that you want to get fitter and healthier so you can enjoy the kinky fuckery you want to have.

What does this look like in practice?

I have limited flexibility and (sometimes) my current size makes some bondage positions difficult. So I’ve decided to become more physically fit in order to get into bondage ties I really enjoy or try new ones.

But let’s be real. Sometimes we just want to lose weight, and that’s a battle I’ve faced my whole life. So yes, full disclosure, I’m trying to lose weight, too.

What is Fit for Kink?

What’s all of this mean? It means I want to get fit for my kink and lose a bit of weight in the process, and I want anyone else who has the same goal to join me. We can encourage each other and learn from each other. Passing on tips is encouraged as is being each other’s cheerleaders.

First “Fit for Kink” was a now-defunct Google Plus group. Then it was  a forum on the Loving BDSM community (temporarily defunct). And now, it’s a video series on YouTube.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see videos as they go live on Saturday (once a week is the plan) or watch here on the blog (subscribe to get notifications of new blog posts). But either way, if you want to be fitter for your kink — with or without weight loss — you’re welcome to watch!

I don’t pretend to know it all, but I’ll share what I’ve learned, a few things I think, and maybe help you feel better about your own fitness journey and experience.

Watch the Video

The first video explains what I mean by “fit for kink” and what I’m doing to get there. I’ve got a long list of topics to cover, but questions and suggestions are always welcome!

I’m no expert and this isn’t medical advice. It’s just a community of kinksters supporting the hell out of each other.

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