The Loving BDSM Podcast

Author: John Brownstone (page 1 of 2)

For the Love of Boots

The current Kink of the Week is all about boots. While I (Kayla) own and love them, my feelings are nothing compared to John Brownstone’s. So I asked if he’d share his love and fetish for boots with y’all. If you relate, feel free to comment below! 

I suppose it’s no big secret, but I love boots. Even before I even knew what a fetish was I loved seeing someone wearing them.

Living in the Deep South, I don’t get to seem them most of the year. Only on the really cold days. Most people look forward to beach weather, putting on their bathing suit, and heading to the beach. Not me.

I’m waiting for the cooler weather to hit so the boots will come out.

From an Early Age

I’m not sure what it even is about them. All I know is that when I see a woman wearing a pair, I melt and my blood pumps. Many people love a good set of heels (which are nice in their own right), but to me, they don’t hold a candle to boots.

As a kid, I remember watching Nancy Sinatra on TV. She and her boots mesmerized me. Between the song and being completely aware of what she was wearing, I was sucked right in.

I Love to Wear Them, Too

I own several pairs myself, so it’s not just a voyeuristic thing. I have a pair of riding boots for when I’m out on the motorcycle. Then there are my dress boots.

Wearing a pair gives me a feeling of power. They’re strong, and they grip my feet, tight and firm. I love walking into a room in a pair of boots, the heavy sound as the soles make contact with the floor. The solid pace of my gait.

As a motorcycle rider, I wear them for safety first. But I always watch other riders to check out what they’re wearing. Even motorcycle boots have a certain sexiness about them. When Kayla rides with me, she wears riding boots that come up over her calf, black leather that zips up the side. The open road, the rumble of the cycle’s motor, and rolling down the road on two wheels and those boots.

At the Club

At the club, there is always a mix of boots and heels. I love all the styles and looks that walk through the door. From simple slip-on to zipper style, lace-up, high-heeled, and even some studded boots. Being at the club on fetish night is like being a kid in a candy shop for me.

I watch, but I don’t creep. I admire but keep it to myself. Well, except when Kayla leans in and says, “I see them, too. Nice.”

I can’t pinpoint one specific reason why I like them so much. Maybe it’s the leather. The feel of it, soft and smooth. That fresh unmistakable smell.

Or is it the sound a pair makes across the ground, that solid sound of well-placed footsteps. Maybe it’s all of that and more that make them so attractive to me.

When Kayla and I go shopping and get to a shoe store, I make a beeline to the boot section. I want to see if I can find something for her, and on several occasions, we’ve come out with something sexy and hot.

Yeah, there’s something about boots, both wearing them and seeing them on someone else, gets my motor revved.

“Are you ready…?”
“Start walking!

Do you have a boot fetish? Or any other article of clothing that gets you hot? Feel free to share!

From Daddy’s Desk: Silence as Punishment

In the second installment of From Daddy’s Desk, I’m talking about form of punishment, usually in long distance relationships, of silence. Yes, I’ve used it in the past – before I knew better – and no, I don’t think it’s effective. There are better ways to instill discipline and change behaviors.

Silence as Punishment Takeaways

  • Cutting off communication can cause a submissive harm.
  • Harms self-esteem.
  • Erodes trust.
  • Your submissive needs to know they can count on you, just as much as you need to be able to count on them.
  • Breaking off communication can make it more difficult to form a healthy relationship.
  • Look for other forms of punishment that can be impactful that still keeps the lines of communication open.
  • I’ve used silence as punishment, and it wasn’t productive or healthy for either of us.
  • Do not punish in anger.
  • Give yourself time to think about the punishment so that you can administer it in a rational way. It’s okay to tell your submissive, “I need time to think about this…”
  • Silence isn’t always good for you as a Dominant, either.

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Book Review: As Kinky As You Wanna Be by Shanna Germain

The Loving BDSM Kinky Book Club read As Kinky As You Wanna Be by Shanna Germain for September (I know, we’re late!), an informative and fun read. It included a ton of information about living and exploring a kinky life along with some very fun erotic fiction.

About As Kinky As You Wanna Be

From Goodreads: “As Kinky as You Wanna Be is not an instruction book. It won’t teach you how to tie up your squirming lover or choose the proper lube.

Rather, it teaches you how to be a kinky person who has safe, sane, and smart experiences. Like a tourist’s guide to BDSM, As Kinky as You Wanna Be offers a road map to your own kinky self. This book helps you discover which kinky countries you want to visit, gives you tips and techniques on the language of BDSM, and helps you navigate the customs and rituals of the kink community.

With sections on discovering your pleasures; talking about kink with your partner, your family, or your doctor; staying physically and mentally safe; putting your kinky dreams into practice; and dealing with difficult situations, As Kinky as You Wanna Be is your guide and confidant. The book features informative interviews with BDSM experts such as Jay Wiseman and Lee Harrington, and it is sprinkled with stories from top erotica authors like Janine Ashbless and Rachel Kramer Bussel.

Whether your first kinky experience or thousandth, As Kinky as You Wanna Be guides you — safely and smartly.”

As Kinky As You Wanna Be Review

Cover of As Kinky As You Wanna Be by Shanna GermainEvery chapter focused on a different aspect of the kinky lifestyle. Topics ranged from discovering your kinky side to learning about the ins and out of consent. It also discussed self care and taking care of yourself because being into kink can be strenuous, depending on what you like.

Each chapter of information was followed by a bit of erotic fiction that related to the topic. Not only do you get practical information and guidance but you get a little turned on reading about a particular kink. Fifteen people contributed to the book, not just Shanna Germain, including real life practitioners of BDSM, sex educators, a physical therapist, and some top erotica writers. The diversity of views and styles make this book a must read.

Chapter eight, Handling Rough Terrain, included really good information that most people need. Life doesn’t always go the way we want it to, and in the blink of an eye it can throw us a curve ball. This chapter talked about how this doesn’t mean that your kinky life is over. You just need to learn how to adjust. Anything can be overcome if you are willing to work for it and want it bad enough. As the author states, illness and aging happen. They just a couple of the typical potholes in life. Yes, they can slow down your kink but you can overcome and adjust.

Useful Information for All Kinksters

Staying safe while playing should be on your mind when doing a scene or role playing. Again the information shared in the book applies to everyone, Dom, sub, Top, or bottom. Things like having a first aid and safety kit on hand when you play. Knowing how to get to the nearest hospital. Another good point made: know the law about BDSM for your state and country. Laws vary wildly around the U.S. and the world. In many places spanking or flogging could be considered abuse which makes having clear consent important.

Jay Wiseman sat for an insightful interview in the chapter on playing safely. He’s a well known author, rope rigger, and workshop leader in BDSM. He offered his thoughts and personal perspective on what you can do to both protect yourself and still have fun.

Shanna Germain even packed the Afterword with extra information including a glossary of common terms, kinks, and fetishes. The author also included a resource guide with a number of nonfiction books. The topics related to everything D/s and BDSM from rope play to fetish sex as well as videos about sensual bondage, rough sex, and more. If your taste runs more to erotic fiction, she added a list of authors and fiction too.

All in all, As Kinky As You Wanna Be by Shanna Germain is a good book to add to your kinky library. It offers powerful information and some supercharged erotica.

Sound interesting? Buy your copy on Amazon (use this link and we can afford more coffee) or anywhere you like to buy books!

How to Take a Bare Handed Spanking to a New Level

When I saw that the current Kink of the Week is about hand spanking, I got excited because spanking is right up my alley. My first experience giving a spanking was bare handed spanking and since then it has been my go-to for kinky fuckery fun.

I could go into why I like spanking so much and what it does to me or even the different types of spankings. I could probably even come up with a hot little tale of a time I spanked Kayla or possibly even some spanking fiction. Instead let’s talk about how to change a bare handed spanking to make it new and exciting every time.

You might think I’m talking about different ways of using your hand for spanking. It’s not really that difficult. You connect your hand with someone’s ass and that’s a spanking. And it is definitely that simple, and yet it isn’t. With a few tricks, you can change up the delivery and each way makes each spanking a little different.

The Power Behind Each Strike

First let’s talk about the power behind your hand. You can strike softly with slow soft spanks which can be fun and light. You can go all in and really put some power behind your strike. With enough power, you can turn tender skin into a beautiful shade of red that glows with color and heat. There is something satisfying about seeing a perfect handprint of your hand outlined on their ass.

Of course, you can do something in between, too. During the spanking you vary your strikes from soft to hard which keeps your partner on edge, not knowing what to expect. Changing up the force of the impact is so much fun. They expect a soft blow and jump with the force of a stinging blow. Or they tense up, expecting a spank that will jar their senses and a soft blow lands instead. They’ll be on their toes the whole time.

The Way You Use Your Hand

Now what about the hand itself? There are ways to change that up to give different sensations as well.

Flat handed spanking: The most common type of hand spanking occurs when your hand is open and flat as it connects with the ass being spanked. That causes a nice thud and sting both at the same time. O course with a flat handed spanking you can change up the power behind it but there are other things you can do that will make a different impact (no pun intended) as well.

First when you connect with their bottom, leave your hand in place and press down into the flesh at the moment of impact. This will drive the force of the impact right through their body making them feel the full power of your strike. Second, right as you make contact with your hand, pull it way. This will do the opposite of the first giving the person being spanked a very sharp stingy feel without the intense thud. It is short, sweet, and oh so noticeable.

Cupped hand: Cupping your hand makes such a noticeable difference. I know it does when I do it to Kayla. It can just about make her jump out of her skin. Not only does it leave quite the, umm, impression on her but even the sound is louder. The difference in sound makes both a mental and physical alteration in how your partner reacts.

Swipe spank: Talk about maximum sting, oh boy will this do the trick. The best way to think about this is to approach it like a slap. There are two ways you use this technique: from the top down in a swiping motion or from the bottom up, swiping upwards. Both ways work very well but my preference is from the bottom up as you catch that soft part of the ass and it really imparts what you are trying to convey during a serious spanking.

More Than the Glutes

During a bare handed spanking don’t leave out any parts of the ass. Most people concentrate on the very center of the glutes. It’s a good spot to go for because it’s so fleshy but you have other options. Don’t ignore is where the ass meets the leg. There’s a crease in the flesh that’s wonderful if you like to give a good solid stinging sensation. Don’t forget the inner thighs either. That’s another good spot to land a few good spanks.

Vary the speed, force, location, and the way you hold your hand, and every bare handed spanking will be something different for you and your partner. Always watch their reaction and check in to make sure they’re enjoying themselves. Stop and soothe your partner’s bottom as often as you’d like. Dipping a hand between their legs is a nice way to take some of the sting out of the moment. Like every other part of kink, you can get creative and make the experience something new each time.

From Daddy’s Desk: Acknowledgement of Tasks

As part of our commitment to keep adding content and sharing more information with everyone, Kayla convinced me that what the world needs is me telling you what I think. I’m still not sold on that idea, but I have had a few things I’d like to share with you. Much of it is based on questions I get from submissives and Dominants but some is from my own experience, too. With a certain babygirl’s urging, I’ve started a new series on the Loving BDSM YouTube Channel called “From Daddy’s Desk…”

The first video is about acknowledgement and how important it is for Dominant’s to acknowledge the tasks our submissive’s do for us – not just when they make a mistake.

Acknowledgement of Tasks Takeaways

  • Submissives, often in a long distance relationship, performs their asks as assigned. When they notify their Dominants, they get no acknowledgement of what they’ve done.
  • For submissives who want to serve their Dominants, knowing they’ve pleased their partner is important to them.
  • Yes, people get busy, but it’s important to make time or at least reply with a quick, “I’m busy right now, but we’ll talk later.”
  • To keep your submissive’s “well” filled or to recharge them, a little gratitude goes a long way – “Good girl/boy” and “Thank you” may be all that’s needed.
  • Your submissive wants to know they’ve done a good job.
  • Submissives can’t serve if they don’t feel fulfilled. They need affirmation and to know their service matters.
  • Consistency is important in D/s, especially for submissives – that applies to acknowledgement and communication, too.
  • A Dominant is supposed to take care of their submissive. Acknowledging their effort can be part of that.
  • You might not want to say “Good job” every single time, but don’t focus just on the times when they get it wrong or make a mistake.
  • When you make an effort, so will your submissive.
  • Your submissive just wants to make you a happy Dominant.

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