5 Reasons to Join a Kinky Community

5 Reasons to Join a Kinky Community

When someone asks me, “Where do I meet a Dominant?” or “Where do I go to learn how to do bondage or cupping or…” (pick a kinky thing, any kinky thing,) my answer is always some variation of the same reply.

Have you joined a community?

Most of the time I mean the local kinky community where you meet people in person instead behind a screen. But in reality, it doesn’t always have to be live and local. It’s still our top pick for anyone who wants to meet people, make friends, and learn more. But we also know and believe in the importance of an online community (obviously!).

Whether you’re still debating on going to that munch or talking to people online, there are real benefits to joining a kinky community of some sort.

You’ll Realize You’re Not Alone

What we do in BDSM is on the fringe of what a lot of people might consider “normal.” Hell, we often spend a lot of time asking ourselves why we like the things we do and what’s wrong with us. In a kink community you get a clear and constant reminder that you’re not alone. There will be other people who call their Dominant “Mistress” or “Daddy.” There will be other people who like brats or want a slave. You’re not alone in your kinky wants and needs, and this is your proof.

You’ll Find Acceptance

Let me add a caveat to this: in any group of people there will be those who try to tell you the “right” thing to do and will label anything different as wrong. That’s human nature. But for the most part, in good healthy communities, your kinks will be accepted. Maybe they won’t be embraced. Maybe they won’t be understood. But unlike your vanilla job or family, very few (if anyone) will ostracize you for your consensual kinky fuckery. And if they do, the community isn’t a good fit for you.

You’ll Get to Talk More Freely

I’ve never been to a gathering of kinksters in public where the conversation didn’t turn to sex and kink of some sort. We can’t help ourselves, even when we’re in public. The floodgates open, often because we’ve held back for weeks, months, and even years. I’m not talking to my family about how hard kneeling is on my knees or how I like to have my face fucked. But it might come up when I’m with other kinksters at an event.

You’ll Learn More

We don’t know what we don’t know. We might have an idea of a thing we want to learn, but some concepts never occur to us until we talk to someone else. I would never have considered threatening with a knife but never actually using it a way to engage in knife play – until I saw it done. The more we interact with other kinksters, the more ideas and methods we’re exposed to. You don’t have to try everything you learn about, but it definitely expands your options and your horizons.

You’ll Have New Experiences

Depending on the type of community you join, you’ll be exposed to all kinds of new experiences. Here in our local area, we have different events for FemDoms, high protocol parties, CMNF (clothed male, naked female), parties for gay and bisexual men, and (of course) parties for littles and babygirl/boys. Recently, there was even a tickle party. One friend (@KneelingSub) told us about a Penny Dreadful event she attends – a high protocol, formal meeting with men in suits and ladies in dresses. None of that is something we can reproduce in our home by ourselves.

This is just the tip of the iceberg for what a kinky community can do for you. Plenty of relationships have come out of an online group or a munch. You might realize you’re with an awful partner and can do better. You may simply feel more confident in your relationship as a result of being around other people. Who knows what will happen?! But the point is to find a community (ideally locally) and begin to interact with other kinksters. We’re all better at this kink thing and in our D/s relationships when we learn from others, try new things, and seek more information.

Do we hope you’ll join our community? Of course we do, but what we really want is for you to find one that’s a good fit for you!

Image Credit: Pixabay

2 Comments

  • Sarah

    Reply Reply April 24, 2017

    Hi, just heard this podcast and wanted to write to say thanks for the shout out to us old school people (as you can tell by my email). I got into the scene before internet, and it was hard. I appreciate your comments on it. However I have to say while in some ways it’s easier now…it’s hard in countries where folks have never even heard the word “munch” and fetlife isn’t exactly doing the right thing. I currently live in a country that thankfully is more open than my last….but it’s actually harder to find one person that is ok….without either going thru tons of fetlife people I wouldn’t normally talk to or going to bars and hoping for the best. Since I do neither I’m stuck. Anyway, this wasn’t meant to be a pity party :). It was meant to say thank you and for giving me things to meditate on and chat with a person or two I might be able to,chat with 🙂

    Ps– I can’t follow lovingbdsm on twitter unless I can hide that fact– is there a way to anonymously follow y’all?

    Thanks!!

    • Kayla Lords

      Reply Reply April 24, 2017

      Wow, thanks for sharing that. It never occurred to me to imagine the difficulty in other countries. I know the U.K. is fairly open but that’s the extent of my knowledge.

      And as for Twitter, I don’t know of any other option than to create a fake profile. It can be a good place to connect if you create a “kinky” profile for yourself that’s not connected to anything else (like your real email or name).

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