Sex Acts aren’t Automatically Dominant or Submissive

It’s the month of love and lust, so we’ve got sex on the brain. This topic comes from comments and questions we see all the time. “Can I do this sex act to my partner if I’m a submissive?” The answer is, “Yes, if it’s within your limits and your partner consents.” But it’s easy to view sexual activity through the lens of our power exchange and decide we “can’t” do something because of which side of the slash we’re on. It’s time to re-think that!

In this episode:

  • Valentine’s Day Sales — Hot Octopuss buy one, get one half off and Stockroom, up to 50% off Valentine’s Day sale
  • A sex act isn’t dominant or submissive — only people are.
  • If you think a sex thing makes you submissive, think again. It’s probably time to try another method or position.
  • If you think a sex thing makes you dominant, think again. You may need to reframe how you think of the act.
  • What to do when one partner asks you to do a sex thing that you feel is the opposite of your role? For example: a submissive asks for a sex act that makes their Dom feel submissive or a Dominant asks for a sex act that makes their sub feel Dominant.

Shout-outs to our kinky patrons: Cdc, Chris A., Sir&her78, Janie K., B, Devoted Cricket, and Jessica G.

Links from the episode:

Sex and D/s Relationships (Episode 125)

D/s isn’t About Sex, It’s About Power (Episode 110)

The Difference Between Dom/sub and Top/bottom (Episode 195)

Dominants Who Give Oral are Still Dominant (blog post)

Shop Hot Octopuss

Shop the Stockroom (code LovingBDSM to save 15 percent of non-sale items)

Get lube at (code kayla to save 5 percent)

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2 Responses

  1. Kurvy says:

    Enjoyed this one and agree with so much you talked about!
    And when you talked about the big flogger of suede…I unintentionally moaned! LOL! Loved one very similar I experienced before and felt the same as Kayla!
    Love you guys!! xx

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