3 Lessons We’ve Learned Playing at BDSM Dungeons

John Brownstone and I make no secret of the fact that we love playing in BDSM dungeons and clubs. Wherever we’ve lived, we’ve sought out the club, joined, and done our best to go as often as we can. Which is never as often as we want. Life ebbs and flows and so do our trips for public kinky fuckery. We supplement with play at home (for the fuckery) and attendance at local munches and events (for the community).

Over the years, we’ve learned a few things about playing in BDSM dungeons.

Only Play if It Feels Right

The first time we ever attended a dungeon together was my first time in a dungeon. I didn’t quite know what to expect or how I would feel. We decided that we’d watch but not commit to playing. This was when I learned I’m not a voyeur. I wasn’t content to watch everyone else have a good time; I wanted to join in. So we found a quiet corner and we played. Now, we only go together if we intend to get kinky.

John Brownstone sometimes attends kink events and play parties at dungeons without me. When he does, I always let him know I don’t have a problem if he decides to negotiate a scene and play with someone else. The last time he went without me, we both really thought he would, but he told me later it didn’t feel right. He wasn’t in the right headspace, so he declined.

If you don’t feel like you’re in the right mental space to play, don’t play. Tops/dominants could hurt someone if their head isn’t in the game. Bottoms/submissives might not be able to keep themselves safe. It’s just not worth it.

Find the Right Time to Get Kinky

Although we both enjoy playing in front of a crowd (big or small), I don’t enjoy being around too many people. I get claustrophobic and my social anxiety spikes. When we have the choice, we try to attend events when we know fewer people will be there.

This may mean going early to the dungeon. We attend the Woodshed in Orlando now, but at a previous club, we knew most people didn’t really get going until 10pm, so we arrived as soon as the doors opened and played well before the crowd got there.

At our last club, we also took advantage of daytime play (it was only available once a month, but that’s all we needed). Not only did it work best with our schedule, it was a lot less crowded which made it easier for me to relax.

The last time we played (at the Woodshed), the place was packed! We managed to get a spot on a St. Andrews Cross, but finding a quiet corner for aftercare just didn’t happen. We left well before I was on (mental) solid ground, but it was the right choice. The crowd was too big, and if we didn’t leave, my last memory of that scene could have been tainted with anxiety.

Block Out Everything But You and Your Partner

Sometimes this is easier said than done. You might not be able to relax. Another scene might be too loud to ignore. But when you can, block out everything around you, including how you think others will perceive your scene.

It’s easy to feel self-conscious when you’re on the dungeon floor, strapped to something, aware people are watching. You might worry that your “type” of kink or the way you express yourself is too much, weird, loud, or just not like the people around you. Been there, done that.

The way John Brownstone and I play has changed and morphed over the years. It used to be more about letting our sadistic and masochistic sides out. These days, it’s still that but we’re more playful and every inch the Daddy Dom and babygirl duo we are in the rest of our life. That means I might squeal, say, “No, no, Daddy!”, pull away, wiggle, and basically be my BG self in an impact play scene — including giggling and laughing. That can be a far cry from the moans of ecstasy and whimpers of pain from other scenes.

The first time I realized how “different” I was, I almost stopped myself. I almost hid my honest reaction. Then I realized how ridiculous that was. If I did that, I was ruining my own scene. While observers might be watching (and can think what they want to think), no one around you (in their own scene) notices what you’re doing. They’re too focused on themselves.

Don’t let how you think others will perceive your kinky fuckery change your scene.

He’s a voyeur, and I’m an exhibitionist. Playing in public at a BDSM dungeon is a lot of fun for us. And it’s more fun when we use what we’ve learned to have the best experience possible.

The Kink of the Week topic is all about public play and kink events, and we clearly have opinions. To find out what other people think about the subject, click the button!

9 Responses

  1. Billy says:

    That scene was incredible! It was intense watching you squirm when Jon broke out the cane, and seeing the interaction between the two of you that showed exactly how much both of you were enjoying yourselves.

    Room for aftercare was definitely a problem that night.

  2. Chrisy Kay says:

    I hope to someday be able to find someone to attend these events and trust to play with. Going alone seems daunting to me but going with a partner that is trusted seems very exciting.

    • Kayla Lords says:

      Going alone can definitely be intimidating, but if you make friends with other kinksters in your local community (like through munches or workshops), you can always go in a group like that, too. And if you ever get a chance to tour a local dungeon during non-party hours, that can also take some of the intimidation out of it. But I’m not gonna lie — it’s a lot more fun and exciting to go with JB.

  3. Paul Amey says:

    This was a great read, (only just signed up to the newsletter etc), look forward to reaing more etc. I have had a very strong interest in all BDSM aspects , Am on the Fetlife site that caters for almost every aspect, so if anyone else is, let me know & perhaps we can ‘ friend each other on here). Best wishes to everyone for Christmas & a kinky 2020. Paul

  4. Paul says:

    Really enjoyed this, as only just signed up, so thank you. I’ve been a avid fan of all aspects of BDSM for a long time, and on the Fetlife site, so if anyone else is& would like to be a ‘friend’ on there feel free to drop me a message & I will send a friend invite. And in the meantime a happy Christmas & I hope a kinky 2020. Paul

  5. Lizzie says:

    Thank you for heads up. I’m so excited to go out with Master to an event

  6. Bee says:

    I’m a voyeur so sitting back and watching is something I can definitely do. That said, I would love to play at an event again…maybe one day.

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