5 Things You Need When You’re New to Fisting

So there I am, looking around for a blog post topic, and what do I find but the current Kink of the Week topic on fisting. For people who enjoy penetration, fisting can present a challenge to conquer, a kinky thing to try, or something to avoid entirely because let’s be real — your results will always vary.

Funny side note: John Brownstone and I have both experienced fisting (me receiving, him penetrating) but never with each other. I tried it a few times with a previous partner and never felt enough desire to continue past those early explorations. He enjoyed it with his partner, but it’s not something he pursued with me — at least not yet.

If you’re intrigued by the idea and want to try it, there are a few things you’re going to need.

Time

The first time a partner “fisted” me, it was more like he three-fingered me. At the time, that was my max capacity. The time after that, four fingers. Another day, his entire hand — but not balled into a fist. I’ve never experienced fisting with an actual fist, though I’m sure it’s possible for some people. My partner pulled his four fingers together and his thumb into his palm. To go from penetration I was comfortable with to his entire hand took multiple days.

Why? Because the body has to adjust — as does the mind. You need time to get comfortable with new sensations. You also need time for breaks. No kinky fuckery should have to feel like work (unless it’s your profession, but that’s a different topic). Fisting is supposed to be fun, so keep it that way and don’t put pressure on yourself to “get it” on the first try.

Patience

I feel like everything requires patience, but it still needs to be said. And yes, it goes hand in hand with time, but in a slightly different way. Each time I was penetrated with more of his hand or more fingers, he stayed very still until my body relaxed. At least once we sat in near silence and total stillness for multiple minutes. As long as it didn’t hurt, we would continue, but he also didn’t move his hand or arm until he was sure I was ready for it.

Even when you want kinky fuckery (like fisting), it’s natural to be nervous about it. Which means your body might tense up. Tense muscles don’t make penetration any easier. Both partners need the patience it takes to remain still (at least for a moment or two) and not necessarily jump right into literal fist pumps and bumbs — until you’re used to fisting, and then do whatever feels good to you.

Lube

This can never be said enough. You need ALL THE LUBE for fisting. I don’t care how wet a vagina gets or seems. You’re inserting a large object into a smallish area. Yes, the vagina stretches during childbirth so it’s capable of handling a large size, but it doesn’t do that without considerable pain. Fisting isn’t supposed to feel like you’re pushing a kid out of your body (unless that’s your kink — YKINMYBYKIOK). And if you’re attempting anal fisting, you need even more lube.

I remember my partner and I being covered in it. He had lube up to his elbow. I had it all over my vulva, dripping down my butt, on my thighs, and even on my stomach — and let’s not even mention the sheets and bedding. Your hand is already stretching the body in a way it doesn’t often do. Use a thick, slippery lube to reduce friction and pain to make it at least a little easier.

If you’re looking for a lube recommendation, we like The Butters (use code kayla and save 5 percent)

Constant Communication

The only reason we don’t turn mentions of “communication” into a drinking game around here is because we don’t want to be responsible for alcohol poisoning. Communication is a must in everything we do — in D/s, BDSM, kink, sex, and, yes, fisting.

As the person penetrating your partner, you need to let them know what you’re doing as you’re doing it. Going in with two fingers instead of one? Let them know. Holding your hand in a different way or trying a new angle? Say something. They can only provide accurate feedback if they know what’s actually happening.

As the person being penetrated, it’s your job (to the best of your abilities) to speak up and let your partner know what you feel. Does it feel good? Let them know. Does something hurt? Say something. Fisting isn’t just something that happens to you — it’s a participatory event, just like everything else. Once you find your sweet spot with it, you may take a more passive role than you do now but even then, you need to speak up and communicate concerns or problems with your partner.

A Sense of Humor

No matter how sexy you find fisting to be, any time you try something new, the potential for awkwardness is high. You’ve got to figure out the correct angles, what feels good, how much lube you need. Frankly, a first-time fisting is messy and weird. If you imagine it with the air-brushed haze of porn or erotica, you may be very disappointed. But if you remember that this is an experiment in pleasure and that there is no right or wrong outcome, it may be easier to laugh off the inevitable strangeness that occurs.

And before I forget, you’ll also need to consider these things for your first fisting experience:

  • Clean hands — does this really have to be said?
  • Trimmed nails to avoid painful jabs or scrapes inside the body
  • Gloves or a barrier to make penetration easier and/or if you/your partner have cuts or scrapes on your hand
  • Add other forms of stimulation to help you or your partner relax and/or feel aroused (think vibrators, nipple clamps, spanking, bondage, whatever they enjoy!)

Want to learn more about fisting and explore other people’s experiences? Click the badge below. Have experience with fisting? Share your words of wisdom in the comments below!

2 Responses

  1. Lion says:

    I’ve been interested in fisting for many years. I’ve been on the giving end, but not receiving. I want to try receiving as well. I’m not aware of anyone who does the initial entry with a closed fist. I think the standard fisting technique is to push the fingers together with the thumb firmly against the inside of the hand. This makes a smooth tapering shape. From what I understand, the actual “fisting” part of this takes place after the hand is inside. At that time the hand can form a fist (carefully!), which will give an extra sense of fullness to the recipient. When the hand is ready to withdraw it reforms into the tapered shape and pulls out.

  2. PurpleSole says:

    A sense of humour, that is something that people forget about for kinky play in general. Very important too as life isn’t porn, is much better than that.

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