Getting Kinky When You Have No Privacy

As of today, we’ve been in our new home for 13 days. Just under two weeks. And in that time, we’ve unpacked, we’ve stressed out, and we’ve started learning new routines. The hardest change is our lack of privacy.

The kids are home from school for the summer. Their bedrooms are right across the hall, and all sounds carry and echo. They can hear nearly everything we say even with the doors closed. I learned the other day that our shower wall backs up against the oldest kid’s bedroom wall. Thankfully, I learned that because I heard him speaking — and not the other way around.

For us, this lack of privacy is temporary. They’ll spend the summer with grandparents and by mid-August, be back in school. In another year, we’ll buy a house (we’re renting now), and have more control over the layout — split floor plan for the win, y’all.

Until then, we’ve got to figure out how to get kinky with zero privacy. If you’re dealing with family, roommates, thin walls, and the rest, feel free to use any of these that work for you. And definitely suggest your own — we’re open to ideas!

Using Our Subtle D/s Tricks

We’ve spoken multiple times about navigating power exchange when other people are around. These are those tasks, rules, or routines that no one else sees as kinky but mean something to you and your partner. For us, it’s been very important that I keep up with all my rules (few though they are). I jump up as fast as I can when he needs me. His coffee is always ready for him. I work to anticipate needs — like letting him sleep late when he needs it and waking him up when I know he’ll be upset if he sleeps too long.

The kids have no idea that this is part of a power exchange. Some of it they don’t even see. But it’s meaningful to us and keeps us in a D/s headspace.

Focusing on Other (Quieter) Kinks

Y’all know we’re a bunch of spankos around here. Impact play is our absolute favorite way to get kinky. But loud, sharp smacks go off like a bullet in this house. We don’t want the kids to hear it or ask questions we don’t want to answer. So until they’re gone for a while, we’re limited to light taps, pinching (ouch!), and butt rubs.

Thankfully, that’s not our only kink. Rope bondage isn’t noisy, as long as we don’t add orgasm control. It doesn’t give the same kind of release that .impact play does, but it serves as a connection while being fun for both of us. If you don’t have a go-to secondary kink, maybe this is the time to explore what else you might be interested in — that can be more easily hidden.

Planning Excursions

We’re fortunate that our kids are old enough so that we can get out of the house and go places. Not overnight (they’re not that old) but driving an hour down the road to a kinky event is possible for us. These events, although they tap dance all over my social anxiety, are great ways to flex our kinky selves for a bit. In the venue, we can be Daddy and babygirl.

Another option is to plan a weekend away. Again, we’re very lucky that we have family close by after this move who will watch the boys on occasion. If it gets too bad, we can book a hotel nearby or across the state and bring the toy bag.

Making the Most of Alone Time

The moment we see the taillights of the kids and family driving off, we’ll probably strip down, pull out the paddles, and get as kinky as we possibly can. We’ll have about three weeks before we lose our privacy again, so we’ll have to use that time as best as we can.

We’ll be able to use titles and labels more freely, be naked in multiple rooms, and have any conversation (kinky or otherwise) without being overheard. Sort of like a long distance relationship has to pack in your fun in a short amount of time, we’ll do the same thing. Use the time we’re given to go wild with our kinky fuckery and hope that sustains us until the next time we’re alone.

And once they go back to school, we’ve promised that we’ll make our kinky fun a priority and schedule it into our day while they’re gone. We might not get our nightly spankings for a while, but we can find plenty of other things to do. And a midday paddling or flogging is just as good as a midnight one.

Okay, that’s what we’re doing. If you deal with privacy issues, what do YOU do? 

2 Responses

  1. June 13, 2019

    […] Kinky When You Have No Privacy: https://lovingbdsm.kaylalords.com/2019/06/10/getting-kinky-when-you-have-no-privacy/ You Can’t Make Your Partner Be a Dominant or Submissive: […]

  2. March 16, 2020

    […] Getting Kinky with No Privacy […]

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