Mutual Masturbation as Part of Our Sex Life

What is mutual masturbation? For us, it’s the act of masturbating together, whether or not we’re touching each other at the same time. We can masturbate in separate rooms and be connected by technology. We can know we’re both masturbating even if we’re not connected by phone or Wifi. And, there’s the very act of masturbating while we’re in the same room together. For us, it’s mutual masturbation if we’re both participating.

Mutual masturbation has been a part of our sex life since the very beginning of our relationship, at least from the moment when we added sex to the mix. When we were LDR it was the easiest way to get off. But it’s not something we stopped when we moved in together. It simply took on a different form.

Mutual Masturbation as LDR

Most of my orgasms during the early days of our relationship were directed by John Brownstone. He talked, I performed the required actions while gripping the phone tight to my ear. We managed to kink up my orgasms, and for a long time, I couldn’t come without his voice telling me what to do. Other than being in control of the entire situation, he got very little in the way of physical relief from the moment. But I know he enjoyed it.

Then there were those times when we chatted while we were both in bed. Me in my townhouse, and him, 440 miles away in a spare bedroom. Sometimes he told me he was masturbating, and sometimes he didn’t. But the routine was the same.

He directed my hand and my orgasms, making me wait, making me beg, or making me beg for it to stop. I got lost in my own pleasure and didn’t always realize what was happening until I heard his breath catch in his throat. John Brownstone’s voice changes when he’s about to orgasm. It’s throatier, deeper, and yet, somehow, a little softer. I couldn’t always hear his hand moving, but I didn’t need to. His voice told me everything.

Even when he kept his orgasmic growl (a sound I now know very well) to himself, I could always tell when he was about to come, and it was delightful. Mutual masturbation was something we were doing together. We couldn’t touch each other, but we could make each other feel something sexual and satisfying. It was a moment of sexual connection. We both usually slept very well afterwards.

Mutual Masturbation in Bed Together

These days, we rarely masturbate over the phone because we’re rarely apart. And when we are, there are invariably other people around so orgasms and kinky fuckery are out of the question. But mutual masturbation is definitely a part of our personal sex life. It’s just another thing in our rotation of things we enjoy.

The last time we did it, I suggested it because we both wanted an orgasm, had sex toys to review, and were too tired to come up with a creative way to fuck and use the toys. It seemed much easier to hold hands and wank in the bed side by side. Him with his toy, me with mine.

What I’ve learned is that I can’t look at him while he touches himself. I can (and do) watch his hand and the way it moves around and over his body. I love watching him masturbate, but something about staring at his face seems too personal. Yes, I know how strange that sounds. Obviously, he doesn’t mind me seeing him in a place of vulnerable pleasure or he wouldn’t jack off with me right there. But I (weirdly) mind.

That being said, if I don’t get completely lost in my own pleasure — usually with a big vibrator on my clit — I put on a show. I want him to hear me and feel my hand digging into his leg or arm as I try to brace myself. This is definitely my exhibitionist side showing. Maybe the reason I can’t watch him is because I’m not a voyeur. Watching makes me slightly uncomfortable sometimes. (And I think I’ve solved the mystery.)

Mutual Masturbation as Sex

I think a lot of people in long distance relationships (D/s or otherwise) try mutual masturbation at some point. When you’re apart, it’s the closest you can often get to a sexual connection — both giving and receiving pleasure at the same time. (For the record — yes, there are other ways to do this, but masturbation is likely the most common way.)

But once the relationship becomes an up-close, in-person situation, you might be tempted to toss mutual masturbation as unnecessary. Now you can have “sex” in whatever way you define it. Mutual masturbation doesn’t have to be banished, though. If you enjoy it, do it. For us, it’s a nice way to enjoy ourselves, on our own terms, together but separate. I wouldn’t want it to be the only way we connect sexually, but it definitely adds a bit of variety.

Is mutual masturbation part of your D/s relationship — LDR or otherwise? Do you enjoy it on a regular basis or only when apart? Talk to us in the comments below or on Twitter!

12 Responses

  1. E.L. Byrne says:

    I like this candid look into your relationship- and I agree this is an easy to throw away sexy thing- but keeping it around might be e sexier than expected idea!

  2. I love this too – I think I need to get some of our habits from the old days back into my current life – these posts (yours, Elliott’s Sub Bee’s) have made me realise there was value in acting like some things are off the table because it makes us savour the alternatives more and get inventive – and that adds spice! Thanks for sharing.

  3. Molly says:

    Yep, it has definitely stayed as part of our sex life now we are together


  4. Ria Restrepo says:

    Love this post! I can totally relate to the whole LDR mutual masturbation thing, but I love it for it’s own sake too. Thanks for sharing this! 😉

  5. Bee says:

    Strangely I was more than happy watching each other over Skype or MSN as it was then but face to face I’m not keen on being watched. Weird thing to say for an exhibitionist! I just can’t orgasm when I’m being watched and yet if we incorporate it into any other form of fucking I’m absolutely fine. I cannot work out what my head is thinking!

    • Kayla Lords says:

      I’ve got an exhibitionist side but there are things that are a step too far for me, so that makes sense that this would be the one thing you don’t want to do. 🙂

  6. Bruce says:

    It never entered my mind that ‘mutual’ meant anything other than ‘each other’.
    The inveterate handyman, I could never watch a woman play with her pussy, I would have to do it myself.
    Certainly, I can do more for a woman with my fingers and tongue, an for much longer, than anything I could do with my penis.
    Similarly, I love the way my partner likes to fondle me for hour; while waiting for the coffee to perk, during the evening news, and to warm me up with a partial blow-job after our nightly shower.

  1. February 5, 2020

    […] damn tired. We want the orgasm, but the idea of all that activity just makes us feel more tired. Mutual masturbation is one of our preferred methods to get what we need, be together, and use minimal energy. Even better, if you’re broke as […]

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