Anal Sex Basics and Beyond

When you come back from a vacation what’s the first thing you’re ready to talk about? If it’s “anal sex” then you’re living your best life which means I must be, too. We’re in time for the latest Kink of the Week topic and I’ve got thoughts about anal sex…

Anal isn’t Everyone’s Kink

I’ve tried anal sex, and I’ve even enjoyed the sensations. But I’ve also gotten totally squicked out and said “No thank you” to John Brownstone. Technically, it’s not a hard limit but it’s close. For me the anxiety I feel over the preparation before we engage in any anal play, sex or otherwise, isn’t worth the pleasure.

For some people anal sex is the ultimate in dirty kinky fuckery. If that’s your jam, we love it for you. But it’s equally okay to decide you’re not into it. You are no more or less kinky because you don’t want to play with your partner’s butt or have your own played with. It’s like spankings or sadism and masochism – it only seems like everyone does it.

Clean or Don’t Clean

When we’ve had anal sex or even just fun with butt plugs, it was extremely important to me that everything be squeaky clean. It was equally amazing to me that some people don’t care. Let me be clear – they care about basic cleanliness and hygiene, but they’re less worried about enemas, douches, and whatever else you can stick up your ass to clean it up before you play.

I find that refreshing (pun not intended) and also not my thing. The first time John Brownstone and I played with anal penetration – with a butt plug – there was poop. Not a lot. Nothing that got on anyone’s skin. But I was mortified. As often happens when I’m freaking out, he was no-nonsense about it. Most people who are comfortable with anal, in any form, seem to have a similar attitude: Poop happens. I want it to not matter to me but it does…very, very much.

You Need More Lube Than You Realize

If you’ve done any amount of investigation into anal play – with toys or body parts – you’ve heard about the need for lube. Right?! If not, consider this the moment when you’re told: You. Need. Lube! Lots of lube.

Anyone who knows anything about anal sex often says “More lube than you think” but what that means to me is this:

  1. Squirt lots of lube on the toy and/or body part penetrating the butt.
  2. Squirt even more lube on the butt being penetrated.
  3. Then squirt some more. If you’re using The Butters – which we love or something like it – you’ll slather instead of squirt.
  4. More. No, still more. Feeling like a greased pig? You might have enough.

The best anal play and sex I’ve ever had left me feeling like a slimy mess at the back (minus the poop). Once my body relaxed enough to allow entry, the lube made it even better. And like sunscreen, reapply as needed. But unlike sunscreen, you need to actually reapply lube as needed.

Stimulate, Stimulate, Stimulate

I can’t speak for anyone else but as someone who has had both painful and not at all painful anal sex – here’s something I learned: If another part of my body is being stimulated during penetration, anal sex doesn’t hurt. At all or as much.

Everyone is different so for me, it’s clitoral stimulation. John Brownstone would reach around (or have me reach down) to stroke my clit until I orgasmed. As my body relaxed, he’d push in. Sometimes I’d be so caught up in the orgasmic sensations, I barely noticed. Other times, I’d tense up because “OMG, there’s something in my butt!” and he’d slow down until I relaxed again. But it always helped. Of course, your mileage (and body parts) will vary.

Not having a cock, I can’t tell you about how good a tight anal entry feels, but I know John Brownstone loves it. Being someone who could go her whole life without anal play, I can’t discuss it as a kink. But what I can tell you is that if it’s not an immediate hard limit (you know, the kind that gives you whole-body shudders of revulsion), it may be worth a try. Sometimes you don’t really know how you feel about a thing (like anal sex) until you’ve experienced it.

14 Responses

  1. maryann says:

    i had no idea how much i would emjoy anal sex when my current stud at that time suggested it out of fear i declined it came up again and i tried foundit very stimulating

  2. May More says:

    Great article – Lube and being clean so important as u say… I have had good anal and bad – the trouble is the bad has put me off a little, really should write a post about it. Its a shame as my man likes anal and we do not engage in it often because of my past experience with an ex.

  3. Molly says:

    Lube, lube and more lube, you are so right about this


  4. Great post, as usual. I agree that lube is important, though unfortunately I have had the displeasure of receiving anal without. I look forward to trying it with a better partner, someone that I actually trust.

  5. Cara Thereon says:

    I like the stress on the lube. I’m learning to be less hung up on the mess so it doesn’t stop my enjoyment, but I totally get the reluctance.

    • Kayla Lords says:

      If it didn’t fuck with my head so much and take away from the fun, I’d be more into it. It was one of those things where I had to decide if it was worth it, and it just wasn’t. If I can ever relax a little more, I’ll give it another go, lol.

  6. Bee says:

    I wish I could get over my freak out. I love anal so much but, or should that be butt, I’m so terrified of a poop discovery I just freeze up!

  7. Sweetgirl says:

    I have to admit I’m in the love it camp. It sends me straight to subspace for MrH to use me this way. Now I do have a douche that I use before play if MrH has told me he intends to include anal play in a scene. This isn’t something he requires me to do, rather it’s something I do to put my mind at ease – that I am as clean and prepared as possible.

    Of course the other very important thing that perhaps goes without saying is “condom’s’ should be used during anal intercourse, especially if you plan to penetrate vaginally too… The condom should be removed after anal penetration and before vaginal penetration to prevent cross infection. Going back and forth?? You’re going to need a fresh condom for each entry…

    • Kayla Lords says:

      I wish that part went without saying but too many people try to do what they see in porn and, thankfully I’ve followed smart sex educators who teach their audiences (including me) to NOT do that.

      Feeling clean is what always put me at ease too, until my anxious brain got fixated on the idea that I was never clean enough. Ugh. But the rest was pretty good, even if I’m not a big fan of anal. 🙂

  1. January 12, 2018

    […] Anal Sex Basics and Beyond […]

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