6 Different Types of BDSM Collars

Collars are a big topic of discussion in D/s relationships. Some people don’t feel like they’re truly submissive or owned without one. Other people see it as a public (if not understood) expression of their relationship. Like everything we do in BDSM and kink, there is no one right answer. You have to find the path that works for you and your D/s relationship.

If you’re curious about collars or think you may want to incorporate one into your kinky life, here are just a few types of collars you should know about.

Collars of Consideration

While not used universally, a collar of consideration is a popular choice for new relationships. You may see it primarily in Master/slave relationships, but not always. The definition is quite literal. When you wear this collar, it means you’re under consideration to be your partner’s slave or submissive. Think of it like a stepping stone collar. You can move up to a permanent collar if you both decide the relationship works or you can remove it if the relationship isn’t what you want.

Training Collars

In some kinky relationships, the next step after a collar of consideration is a training collar. Other kinksters might start with a training collar and ignore the collar of consideration. These collars are typically worn by slaves while they’re being trained. It’s a symbol of where they are in the process of their D/s relationship. Once training is complete or your Dominant feels like you’re properly trained, you may “level up” to a new type of collar.

Protection Collars

To most people in BDSM, collars symbolize ownership and protection of some sort. Many kinksters will see a collared submissive and assume they “belong” to someone. A protection collar affords the wearer the ability to be left alone by most other single Dominants without as much responsibility as someone in a training collar or collar of consideration. Don’t make light of this collar, though. While it’s worn, it signifies that a Dominant takes some kind of responsibility for the submissive wearing it. At the same time, that submissive represents the Dom providing protection.

Play Collars

A play collar may be the most relaxed kind of collar of the bunch. This is the one you wear during a kinky scene. John Brownstone and I don’t follow any particular hierarchy of collars but we do believe in the play collar. When he puts it around my neck – at the BDSM club or at home – my body and mind prepare itself for the kinky fuckery to come. It’s useful (thanks to the D rings on it) and also a symbol of our power exchange.

Day Collars

For the kinksters who want to collar or be collared, the day collar is extremely useful. It’s often a piece of jewelry that can pass in the vanilla world. You and your partner know it’s a collar and what meaning it holds, but no one else does. You don’t have to deal with awkward questions but also don’t have to give up an important symbol of your kinky relationship. Some submissives have multiple styles so they’re always collared but have a look for every occasion. While I don’t have an official day collar, I do have a locking necklace that I never take off and is pretty enough to get plenty of compliments.

Permanent Collars

A permanent collar, for some D/s relationships, symbolizes your status as a permanent D/s couple and is as binding as a wedding band. For some people, a permanent collar is a piece of jewelry that can be taken off but isn’t. For others, their collar has a locking mechanism and their Dominant has the key. This type of collar typically doesn’t come off for any reason. If it’s taken off, it can mean the relationship is over or you’re taking a break from the D/s side of things.

Not everyone places a lot of importance or symbolism on collars. But many people do. It’s important to discuss how you feel about collars with your partner. If one of you considers it as serious as marriage and the other whips it off after every fight, you’re likely going to experience a big disconnect between you that may be hard to resolve. Part of that discussion is having an understanding of what different kinds of collars mean to you.

In episode 99 of the podcast, we discuss collars and collaring.

It’s your turn! Do you believe collars are important? Do you (or your submissive) wear one? What kind is it? Share with us in the comments below!

22 Responses

  1. pet says:

    My Master loves to dress me smartly, and sees my smart done-up shirt collar and tie as a symbol of my ownership.

  2. Gail says:

    I’ve not been collared before but hope to be one day. If someone is in a poly relationship can a submissive be collared?

    • Pixie says:

      Hi! The simple answer to that is a big old yes! I live with my Husband/Dom and we share are lives, love and home with other female subs that are collared to him! the beauty of being poly means that you get love more than 1 person, the beauty of D/s means that you make your own rules and the is no right or wrong way to do it!

    • Greyclaws says:

      It would depend on those involved I’d think . Personally I presume the subs in a poly would need to belong to the same Dom . I suggest you all sit down an have an open conversation. If you can’t I suggest a different relationship. Harmony

      • Kayla Lords says:

        In some poly relationships, each person can have a separate role so a Dom can have a submissive, and that submissive might be the Dom (or whatever) to another person – but regardless, it’s important for everyone involved to discuss what they want and how they feel about anyone being collared.

    • Kayla Lords says:

      Absolutely if that’s what you and your partner want. Not everyone in a poly relationship has to be collared but it’s an option, too. It all depends on what works for all the people involved. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. ChinaDoll320 says:

    Love this. Thank you so much!

  4. Pixie says:

    So collars, where to start!?!?
    To me, mine are something that makes me feel whole, is a sign of who I am and that I am loved and cared for. It is something that takes a huge amount of trust on both sides , means that we are committed and that I have errant the right to proudly wear it ! It is also something that I draw strength from when I am on my own, it seems to make me more conferdent, calmer and I feel safe. it also acts as a reminder to me of my rules , and several times has been enough to pull me back from doing something stupid .
    I have 3 main types of collar – Day, Bedroom (play), and club collars (play and protection).

    My main day collar is a silver chain , joined at the front with a large silver O ring and a smaller O ring. The large O ring is the boss man and the small one is me , they are joined together like we are . I know its soppy , but it really does mean that to us ! being silver and very discreet means I can wear it all the time and it goes with every thing! (lol I swear the boss man could be a stylist if things go tits up in his day job) the boss man had it made as special Christmas present last year!

    Bedroom collars are either a purple leather kitten style collar that ties with ribbon at the back and has a tiny d ring or a pleated ribbon collar in purple and has a d ring on it. They are worn at night in bed or if we have kinky friends over to play! the also have one of are tags on. Mine say Mouse and then owned by and the boss mans full name on the back!

    Club collars – Mine are made from purple calves leather and lined with velvet (Black/purple and zebra print). They are super soft and lush to wear. mine have either sparkley little studs on them or tiny little spikes. they sort of act as a very visable sign of how I feel. I have a lot of issuses about people touching me without me knowing who they are. (I don’t hug people that I have just met, unless I have known them on line) if it’s my studded ones then I will talk to you and interact without asking the boss man , but only ever to the level I am allowed to. If I have spikes on it means that I need / want space or that I’m not allowed to talk interact with people unless I ask the boss man. an added on to this is if I have my lead on . if its in my mouth, it means i’m on a mission (normally getting a drink or going to pee). if it is held by someone (Babe or one of the mistresses I’m allowed to be subby with), it kind of means talk to them and ask if you may talk to me. I also have wrist and ankle cuffs to match them!

    My collar does not come off with out the boss mans say so or unless it is a medical emerancy. It is his to take off and change . he does this every night before bed and before he leaves the house in the morning! Babe is also allowed to change them. The only thing that will every get us in trouble is if someone we are playing with tries to remove are collar and we don’t stop them, if we don’t , well I don’t know what would happen cos its never happened. Someone has tried that with mine and I stopped them . A proud Boss man bought me flowers the next day!

    Well there is my collar ramble!

    Pixie x x x x

    • Kayla Lords says:

      LOL, not a ramble…fascinating, though. It just proves that everyone needs/wants different things – and that the protocols we establish can have a lot of deep meaning and significance. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Pixie says:

    Oh I also forgot my Permenent ones!!!! know these are I guess a little outside the box and not for everyone! But I have small ‘Ohana’ tattoo on my left ankle on the inside, that is kinda a collar / commitement to my little poly family . I then have a calder tattoo and the Boss man has the same one on his chest about an inch from his left nipple. Its kind of are way of saying , yup nothing is splitting us up and we love each other very much. He wanted to have my name put on it , but I freaked out cos I think that is bad luck and would of lead to something bad happeneing! (well in my head!) .

    Pixie x

    • Kayla Lords says:

      We just recorded the episode for tomorrow and I completely forgot to talk about tattoos as collars. YES! This was something I’d thought about in the past – and would absolutely love. Not sure how JB feels about it, though, lol.

  6. Alice King says:

    I have various I wear depending on the occasion. I was collared by Lord Raven before he proposed to me. No matter what I always have my tattoo!

    • Kayla Lords says:

      I really need to talk to JB about tattoos. You’re the second person to mention them – and I love the idea. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Michele Rella-Sommers says:

    My Dom and I are both married to vanilla partners. The collar allows us to have a tangible sign of how important we are to one another.

  8. David Miron says:

    I just put a day collar, an ankle chain with a small diamond, on my sub. We have been slowly, slowly moving toward full/time D/s . She surrendered everything to me but I have given her back autonomy in her professional, friendship, and family lives. I retain it in everything else, and since we are both polyamorous, in her dating life. She also routinely now consults me for feedback on professional and family things, but she still has that autonomy. I don’t need it.

    I had an argument with a local woman who is big in the kink scene her that what I am doing is not ‘really’ D/s because I am not exerting control in everything. She isn’t asking me permission for daily things. I guess many people want that. I know she is mine and her day collar has a clasp but in the two weeks since I put it on her she has not taken it off. I am beyond ecstatic.

    • Kayla Lords says:

      This sounds absolutely wonderful, and a lot like my own relationship with John Brownstone.

      And beware ANY kinkster who tries to tell you something isn’t “real” — frankly what that person is describing sounds more like a highly micro-managed Master/slave dynamic, and even many M/s relationships don’t require control over absolutely everything. All that matters is that what you have works for the two of you and makes you happy. And it sounds like you’ve found it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Willow says:

    I’m very proud of my collar it’s leather and handmade by my Daddy, I eventually want a permanent locking collar I have no problem wearing mine out and if someone asks me about it I tell them what it is. Well thank you for listening ttfn.

  10. DS says:

    A question more than a comment. Are there specific types of collars that represent the different stages or levels of the collar? If so what are they as to protect my slave and let her know that she is cared for and will be watched over?

    • Kayla Lords says:

      Any collar can have any meaning you’d like, and you give it meaning to the two of you when you discuss it, talk about what it means to both of you, and you give it and your partner accepts it. So if protection, care, and being watched over is what you want your partner to feel, let them know that’s what the specific collar you’re giving them means. I’m not aware of specific labels for collars that denote that feeling, although I know many people in D/s or M/s relationships would say that’s exactly what their collar means to them regardless of what its called.

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