8 Non-Sexual Things You Can Do in Your Long Distance D/s Relationship

When you think of how you connect to your partner from across a distance, are you thinking of the sexy stuff like masturbating together or begging for permission to orgasm? Yeah, that stuff is fun – and definitely helps keep your long distance D/s relationship going, but it’s not all you can do.

To connect with each other outside of the sexy fun stuff, it helps to find ways to feel your Dominant or submissive self in the mundane, vanilla parts of life, too. We’ve got a few ideas of things to try, tasks to assign, and rituals to create to help you feel closer to each other – and none of them are sexual.

Send Good Morning/Night Messages

Part of making a D/s LDR work is creating and sticking to a routine. Messaging each other first thing in the morning and last thing at night is a good way to let the other know you’re thinking about them. It also lets you connect even if your schedule is hectic and you can’t talk. An email, a private message on social, or a text message can be read at any point. What matters is when you send it.

Set a Mantra

Mantras are good for changing how you feel about things – yourself, life, you name it. Your mantra is something you say at a specific time each day (when you wake up, when you look in the mirror, before bed, etc.) that has meaning to you. It can be something that helps with self esteem (I am beautiful. I am loved. I am worthy of love. – That was mine for a long time). Maybe it’s something to help you remember who you belong to (I belong to my Dominant. I am their good girl/boy.)

Choose Clothes

When we were long distance, John Brownstone picked my panties every day. Okay, so the picture I sent of him might have been a little sexual, but not necessarily. Him picking my panties became part of our routine and I felt closer to him all day because of it. Find what works for you. Does your Dominant have say over what shoes you’ll wear? Whether you wear pants or shorts? What new clothing you can buy for yourself?

Health and Fitness

In LDRs, most of what you do is based on the trust you’ve placed in each other. If you agree that your Dominant is in charge of whether you get to have dessert or when you go to the gym, it only works if those rules are followed. I used to text whenever I got to the gym and then left, sometimes sending a picture. I asked if I could have dessert, especially if it was decadent.

Ask to Go to Bed

This works best if you’ve got a pretty established routine and your schedules match up – maybe not the hours but when you’re available to talk to each other. Part of your nightly ritual can be permission to lay down in bed. Clearly, you’re going to bed no matter what, but having to ask can help you get into a submissive mindset.

Read a Bedtime Story Together

Okay, maybe this is our Daddy Dom/babygirl showing, but you can read together over the phone. Your Dominant can read something to you as part of your nightly routine. Or, if they really love your voice (rawr!), maybe they’ll ask you to read to them. John Brownstone almost always listens in when I read bedtime stories to the kids, and it’s not just because the book is good.

Research Kinks

You’re thinking this is kind of sexual because hello, it’s a kink, right? Not quite. When we first got together there was a lot I didn’t know about kinks and fetishes. From time to time, I would be assigned a “research project” where I had to look up a kink or a toy that I was interested in, and then share what I’d learned with John Brownstone. Sometimes it was educational for him, too.

Set Reminders for Each Other

This is another one that only works if your schedules match up well and you can be in near-constant contact. Remind your Dominant when they need to take medicine (something not too serious, like your vitamins, maybe not your blood pressure medicine). Get a reminder to call the vet or your dentist to set an appointment. Help each other remember the small important details.

These are just some ideas, y’all. Some of this will work, some of it won’t. All we want to do is spark your imagination a little and help you think outside of the box. Sure, most of what we do in D/s does seem pretty kinky and sexual, but if you can find joy and purpose in the non-sexual, you’ll build a much stronger relationship together.

Want more information about long distance D/s relationships? Check out these three podcast episodes:

Navigating Long Distance D/s Relationships Part 1

Navigating Long Distance D/s Relationships Part 2

Transitioning from Long Distance D/s to In Person D/s

10 Responses

  1. pandakitten says:

    One of the other early things Panda Daddy and I did was a shared Spotify playlist of songs that made us think of each other. It started out like both of us making the other a mix tape and then merged. I still listen to it frequently!

    • Kayla Lords says:

      That IS a good idea! It’s amazing the ways you can connect these days.

      We used to do a thing on Tumblr that I didn’t include because it was definitely sexual but we’d add a little “secret code” to images we re logged that reminded us of each other so that when we perved the others Tumblr, we’d see it and know the other was thinking of us.

    • Loulou says:

      I really like this idea of a shared spotify playlist I will definitely want to think about that, does it still work if you have the free spotiify?

  2. Britni says:

    When I was in a ldr triad I set tasks for my littles using this app called chore monster. It helped us all keep a morning/nightly routine. 🙂

  1. May 26, 2017

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  3. January 21, 2019

    […] began as part of our long distance relationship. “You’ll only wear panties when I tell you to wear them, […]

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