Feeling More Vanilla Than D/s LB066

Kayla Lords and John Brownstone talk about how normal it is for the vanilla stuff to make you feel less your D/s self – and what to do about it.

In this episode:


  • BDSM and D/s are mostly mental. If your head’s not into, the kink will take a backseat.
  • When you recognize that it’s happened, say something.
  • Be prepared for kinky sex to feel off, too.
  • Make plans for playtime or a scene to help feel more “normal.”
  • It helps to be mindful of your role during the day – tasks, schedules, and routines help.
  • As a Dominant, you’ll want to be conscientiousness about helping your submissive feel their role more. Give them more to do. Ask for things you haven’t asked for in a while.
  • Having an errant thought of annoyance or not wanting to do your kinky thing is normal, and it’s not something to worry about unless it’s happening every time.
  • New relationship energy feels like it will last forever. Eventually that feeling ebbs and normalizes. This is when the these “disconnects” can occur.
  • All of this is normal. Getting back on track is the “work” of having a successful relationship.

Links from the Show:

3 Steps to Reconnect in Your D/s Relationship

When Vanilla Life Interferes With Your D/s Relationship (episode 38)

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2 Responses

  1. October 10, 2017

    […] Feeling More Vanilla than D/s (podcast) […]

  2. October 22, 2018

    […] Even when it is a possibility, you’re still a part of the relationship. You have a responsibility to help make it work. If you’re not willing to talk, do your part, or be an active participant at the very beginning, it means you won’t be there long-term — especially when things get tough or when the D/s ebbs and flows naturally. […]

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