Discipline, Punishment, and Consequences in D/s LB058

Hosted by Kayla Lords and John Brownstone, episode 58 of the Loving BDSM podcast focuses on discipline, punishment, and consequences for submissives in D/s relationships.

In this episode:

  • Buy my books and help send me to Eroticon!
  • Two sides of discipline: the discipline to do what you’re told as a submissive and being disciplined when you don’t do what you’re told.
  • Funishment is a playful type of “punishment.” Use it or don’t, but don’t let it take the place of simply asking for what you want.
  • Punishments are meant to suck for the submissive. It should be something that deters future bad behavior.
  • As a submissive, the first real test of your submission is the first time you’re told No.
  • Punishments should be negotiated during the beginning of a relationship. They should not be sprung on a submissive as a surprise. 
  • Submissives must consent to a punishment. If you feel the need to withdraw your consent prior to punishment, there may underlying issues that need to be dealt with.
  • Punishment and consequence aren’t quite the same thing. Punishment is the act. Consequence is the outcome, and isn’t always an act of punishment.
  • After a punishment, the incident is over. Ongoing punishment or anger is not okay or healthy for a relationship. Deal with the issue and your feelings around the incident and move on.
  • Punishment should not be given in anger. Dominants need to admit their feelings and then wait until you’re calm enough to punish.
  • Dominants have to follow through. If you say that there will be a punishment for certain behaviors, you must follow through.

Links from the show:

Buy Kayla’s Books!

The Responsibilities of a Dominant and a Submissive (podcast episode)

Training a Submissive in a D/s Relationship (podcast episode)

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

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4 Responses

  1. Elbs says:

    Why am I picturing Kayla as my Labrador?

  1. August 2, 2017

    […] reinforcement with me regularly, it’s a tool for behavior modification. In our relationship, punishment comes into play when I fail to complete a task in service to him. If you choose positive […]

  2. October 18, 2018

    […] it. Disciplinarians teach their submissives what they want and then set high expectations. Yes, there are consequences for screw-ups but they’re fair and meant to help their partner do better in the […]

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