Maintaining Your D/s Connection Even When Apart LB027

This week, Kayla Lords is separated from John Brownstone by 600+ miles, and for six days, it’s back to the way things were in the long distance days. In episode 27, Kayla discusses how they stay connected while apart – things you can do whether it’s a temporary distance or during your long distance D/s relationship.

In this episode:

  • John and Kayla are separated for a week, so they’re reverting back to their long distance days to stay connected.
  • Scheduled phone calls
  • Constant texting – and sexting.
  • Creating different routines or modifying the existing ones.
  • Asking permission for treats.
  • Special assigned tasks.

Links from the show:

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Full Transcript:

You’re listening to Loving BDSM podcast: episode 27. Hey, everybody. Kayla Lords here. Today let’s talk about what you can do to feel connected when you’ve got miles between you. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you! If you’re back for another week, welcome back! Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure and education and show notes are found at Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite RSS feed or iTunes. If you love what you hear, we’d love a good review on iTunes to help other kinksters find us! You can follow me on Twitter @KaylaLords or stalk John Brownstone at All links are in the show notes.

Don’t forget that I’m now on Patreon, looking for kinky patrons to help me keep the podcast and my writing going. Anyone who can and wants to show their love can make a monthly pledge for as little as $1 a month. Go a little higher and you get perks – including monthly videos of me talking about kink, sex, writing, you name it. You can stop at any time, and no worries, if you just can’t afford to do it or it’s not your thing, I still love you for listening to me each week.

Now, on to the show.

I’m going to do my damnedest to keep this week’s show brief. I’m in the middle of traveling – without John Brownstone – and am spending the week with my mother who just had surgery. No worries, she’ll be fine, but as an only child who only has my mother left – my dad died when I was 22 – when my mother needs me, I come running. This was one of those moments.

It’s also the longest Daddy and I have been apart since we moved in together nearly two years ago. Weird.

So for anyone who’s in a long distance D/s relationship or unexpectedly finds themselves having to travel without their kinky partner, here’s a list of what we do to feel connected even when we’re apart:

He picks out my panties before I pack. He may or may not request a picture, but back in the day, he picked them out for me each morning (via text message), and I used to send him a picture every day so he could see me in the ones he chose.

We schedule times to talk, and those times are sacrosanct. Sure, real life may get in the way, but dead phones and car accidents are the only real excuses we accept. For us, it’s when he’s on his way to work, during his lunch break, and then right before bed.

Constant texting, and most of it is kinky and sexual. We play out entire fantasies from the keyboards on our phones.

We talk about the other to anyone who will listen. I’m sure for my family it gets old. I’m past the point of caring. When I talk about him, I’m also thinking about how much I love him, and that makes me happy.

He assigns special tasks. Go to the bathroom and masturbate. Send me a picture of your boobs. Wear pigtails in your hair just for me. Nothing that would get me arrested or make my family have me committed, but things that remind me who’s in charge.

I ask permission for special treats. Sure, going out of town means some of the rules relax a little. They sort of have to, but when I need to feel connected, I’ll send him a message asking if I can have a margarita with my friend, order the chocolate cake for dessert, or buy the book I really want. He often says yes, but sometimes he says no. All of it gives me a thrill.

Maintaining the rituals we can. When we’re apart, I can’t kneel on the bed and wait for him to spank me and then give me permission to come to bed. But I can call him and ask for permission to go to bed, instead. That will often lead to a masturbation session and a few good orgasms.

When you’re away from your kinky partner, whether you’re the Dominant or the submissive, it’s really hard. The rituals and methods to stay connected don’t replace warm hands, hot mouths, and hotter kinky moments, but they can help you feel little less adrift until you can be together again.

And for the record, we were in a long distance relationship for 18 months before we moved in together, and many of these things sustained us between visits. It’s not easy to be apart – temporarily or all the time – but with effort and love, it can be bearable.

Okay, y’all, that’s it for me this week. Hopefully we’ll be hearing from John Brownstone soon. I know he’s got a few episode ideas and special shout out to the email we received with a topic idea for him to do.

Keep it kinky y’all, and we’ll see you next week!


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