The Importance of Having Kinky Friends LB022

In episode 22, Kayla discusses a recent visit from a few of her kinky friends and a few realizations she had as to the importance of having friends in the BDSM lifestyle.

In this episode:

  • Kinky friends came to visit!
  • The ideal visit between you and the online friends you make is one where that online ease continues into real life.
  • Always listen to your instinct if you get a bad vibe, but most people are as nervous as you are about meeting other kinksters.
  • Making kinky friends is a good thing.
  • These friendships remind you that you’re not alone.
  • You’ll learn how other people handle their kinky side.
  • Kayla and John took their kinky friends on a few fieldtrips – first to the munch, then to the club. That’s probably not typical of other times you make new kinky friends or meet them in real life for the first time.
  • Kayla experienced a revelation of her own watching her kinky friends interact in her home.
  • Not reaching out to your online or in-person kinky community can make you feel isolated.
  • You might even forget that other people do BDSM and specifically D/s different than you do.
  • Feel free to leave your tales of making and meeting kinky friends in the comments or contact Kayla directly.

FYI: Sponsorships are available! Contact Kayla for details.

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Full Transcript

You’re listening to Loving BDSM podcast: episode 22. Hey, everybody. Kayla Lords here sharing my views on getting to know other kinksters – online or in real life. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you! If you’re back for another week, welcome back! Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure and education and show notes are found at kaylalords.com. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite RSS feed or iTunes. If you love what you hear, we’d love a good review on iTunes to help other kinksters find us! You can follow me on Twitter @KaylaLords or stalk John Brownstone at southernsirsplace.com. All links are in the show notes.

Does your business cater to the kinky – with toys, videos, products, or services? You should sponsor the Loving BDSM podcast. Contact me, Kayla Lords, to learn more. On with the show.

So, I’ll admit it, it’s another low energy week for me. I have a cold I just can’t shake, and it suuuuuuucks. It’s this Florida weather, one moment we’re in the 70s, the next, it’s 30-something degrees outside. And yes, I know some of you would kill for that kind of weather. Well, come on down to sunny Florida.

John Brownstone and I had friends visit from out of town this past week. Kinky friends. They’re not used to our weather so while Daddy and I were wearing jeans and considering throwing on a jacket, they were loving it and wearing their shorts. They even got to meet our state bird – the mosquito.

Their visit – and no, I’m not saying who, but I think they might be listening, so hey there! Miss you! Ready to visit again soon! Anyway…their visit was a good thing on a lot of levels.

It’s almost always good to meet someone in real life that you’ve known online. It gives you the opportunity to put faces with names and to get to know them. Will they be like their online persona? Will they be completely different? Will you have anything to talk about other than kink?

I consider it a good visit when the friendship you build online translates well when you’re live and in person. Oh, and for the record, while there was plenty of talk about kink, there were also conversations about dogs, kids, travel, and work. And we ate a lot of good food.

I know a lot of people worry about giving up their anonymity and meeting other kinksters in real life. If someone gives you a bad vibe, I say listen to it and don’t meet them. But for the most part, everyone else is just as nervous as you, but meeting each other is a good thing.

It reminds you that you’re not alone in the kinky world.

You get to see how other people handle their kink. And by that, I mean, will they show you a little bit of it or keep it completely private? And if they do let you see some of it, how will it differ from your kinky ways?

Even after all this time, with several trips to the local BDSM club under my belt, and the friends I’ve made, I still get nervous meeting new people, and I still feel shy hearing someone use the term “Sir” or call someone else “good girl.” Weird, right?

When our friends came to visit, we took the opportunity to introduce them to our local community. Long distance kinky friends meeting local kinky friends. Yes, they agreed – or we wouldn’t have gone, and we kind of, sort of eased them into. We went to the munch first, which was a good group of people that Daddy and I like fairly well. Then, when they agreed, we went to the club.

No one (other than Daddy and myself) was expected to play. It was meant to be a kinky field trip. We knew our friends hadn’t been to places like this very much, and we wanted to give them a taste of it – in a safe way, where they knew someone. BDSM clubs and dungeons can be scary places when you’re new. Now they can all say they’ve been to one, and do with it what they will.

Okay, so maybe we’re not like most other kinksters when you come for a visit. We’re pretty open about kink when we’re online, and if we feel comfortable with someone who knows about our kink, we’ll talk about it as openly as we can. For the record, until the boys were dropped off to stay with someone for the weekend, we did speak in code.

I had a first (for me) because we were all kinksters hanging out – without kids – I actually witnessed a Dominant punishing his submissive. Every submissive cell in my body reacted. I hid behind Daddy, peeking over his shoulder. It was a little exciting – hello, spankings are good, even when they’re bad. But it was also unnerving because as the one who always wants to be the good girl, it’s hard for me to see someone get called out for being anything but, especially when what that particular submissive said was something I would have said.

Which may have been the biggest revelation for me. Daddy and I have our own dynamic. Daddy and babygirl, sadist and masochist, predator and prey (when we’re feeling primal), Dominant and submissive – it’s a conglomeration of the pieces and parts of BDSM that we prefer. A lot of our interaction is playful and teasing. He gives me a lot of freedom, actually. To see another Dominant feel differently and react differently to something I know I’ve done a time or two was strange, enlightening, and hard to watch – even though that particular submissive thoroughly enjoyed the moment – even when it hurt like hell.

That’s the beauty of getting to know other kinksters. There are moments when you get to witness kink and D/s in a way that may be completely foreign to you. If you’re like me, it will probably affect you in some way – good or bad. But hopefully, it expands your horizons and reminds you that there is no one way to be kinky or be in a D/s relationship.

It’s easy to start feeling isolated in your kinky relationship – without realizing it. You may even begin to believe that the way you do kink is the only way or the best way. Opening yourself up to kinky friendships helps keep your eyes and mind open to other ways. You may learn something new or figure out you prefer your dynamic. Either way, it’s a good way to stay grounded.

While I recommend getting to know kinksters in your local area, making friendships online isn’t a bad thing, either. Hell, 99 percent of my relationships (friend or otherwise) begin online. But if you have the opportunity to take it from behind a computer screen to a face-to-face meeting, I say go for it. You never know what you might discover about them or yourself in the process. And hell, you never know if you’ll get to witness a spanking, too.

That’s it for me this week. I hope to be back to my typical ranting form very soon. For those of my listeners who are active in their local community or who have made friends with other kinksters, share what you think with the rest of us. Leave a comment on the show notes page on my website or shoot me a message and share your experiences! You never know, I might use it in a follow up episode.

Ok, keep it kinky, y’all, and we’ll see you next week!

2 Responses

  1. October 17, 2018

    […] life. If not, look to your online community. You don’t have to talk to everyone you know. If you have a friend you trust or know someone who’s non-judgmental, ask if they’ve got time for a chat. […]

  2. January 17, 2019

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