Being D/s During Cold and Flu Season LB021

Kayla Lords hosts this week’s episode and, through her stuffy nose and achy body, she discusses how Dominants and submissives should handle their D/s relationship during cold and flu season.

In this episode:

  • This week’s sponsor is Knki App – a BDSM dating and kinky social media app that allows kinksters to find each other to date, chat, or just be friends.
  • Submissives and Dominants will get sick – it’s a fact of life.
  • Submissives need to take care of themselves, ask for help, and not freak out that they can’t maintain their normal routine while they’re sick.
  • When your Dominant gets sick, get a little bossy (in a respectful way) to help them get better and ask before you do with any task that directly affects your Dominant.
  • Dominants should feel free to exert their typical control in the name of helping their submissive get better – order them to take medicine, take a nap, or sit still for a bit.
  • When a Dominant gets sick, the best thing you can do for yourself and your submissive is to let yourself be taken care of and take your medicine (no matter how awful it tastes).

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Full Transcript

You’re listening to Loving BDSM podcast: episode 21. Hey, everybody. Kayla Lords here talking about being sick and still functioning within your D/s relationship. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you! If you’re back for another week, welcome back! Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure and education and show notes are found at Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite RSS feed or iTunes. If you love what you hear, we’d love a good review on iTunes to help other kinksters find us! You can follow me on Twitter @KaylaLords or stalk John Brownstone at All links are in the show notes.

Today’s show is sponsored by KnkiApp – A Free Adult Chat & BDSM Dating App. ​​​KNKI is a new social networking and adult dating app created by BDSM lifestylers who are dedicated to the advancement of the BDSM/Leather community. KNKI is a BDSM dating app that lets you filter members to your exact specifications so you can easily find that perfect play partner, while at the same time making new lifestyle friends and keeping up with your entire kinky social network. Go to to find out more – or click the link in the show notes.

I had today’s show all planned out – in my mind, at least. I knew exactly what I wanted to talk about. Until I got sick. Just a cold, nothing major, but enough to kick my butt and drain my energy down to almost nothing. Ugh.

So today, a few words of wisdom from a submissive who’s learned to let herself just be sick and how to take care of a grumpy Daddy Dom who hates being sick more than I do.

It’s cold and flu season, and that means your routine, kinky or otherwise, is going to be affected.

Okay, for submissives out there, listen up.

First of all, when you get sick – and you will, a few things to remember:

One, you don’t have to be a superhero and keep doing All The Things for All The People. Let your Dominant know you’re not a hundred percent and ask for help. There’s no shame in needing help, and really, if you take care of yourself, you’ll get better that much quicker.

Two, take your medicine. Right now, I’m doped on DayQuil during the day and using NyQuil at night to sleep. For once, I’m remembering to take my medicine regularly – I have incentive. We have friends coming to town this weekend, and I need to get better and fast. Normally, I never take medicine until Daddy is practically forcing it down my throat. Don’t do that. Be better than me.

Third, don’t freak out that you can’t do all your tasks the way you normally do. Do the best you can, rest when necessary, and let your Dominant know you can’t do it all. If your Dominant is paying any attention at all, they should be able to see that you’re sick and will probably tell you to sit down and rest, anyway.

Now, on the flipside of things, when your Dominant gets sick, there are other considerations.

First, it’s okay (from my perspective) to get a little bossy. They need to take their medicine, too. They also need rest and relaxation and whatever you can do to help keep them comfortable. But D/s is a different animal from a vanilla relationship. Mind your manners, stay respectful, and keep it playful. They’re probably going to growl at you a little – and maybe deny that they’re sick. I like to remind Daddy that if he’s sick, we can’t get kinky and play around in bed. That usually gives him the incentive he needs to take a nap or go to the doctor – if the over the counter medicine isn’t working.

Second, don’t try to keep the exact routine you have when they’re well. If there are certain things you do for them every day, ask before you do them. The things you’re supposed to do on your own should continue – if they don’t involve your Dominant. Exercise? Eating certain foods? Wearing specific clothes? If your Dominant isn’t directly involved in those tasks, don’t stop doing them unless you’re told otherwise. But if some of your tasks directly affect your Dominant, check with them before you try to keep the normal routine.

Okay, subbie friends, have you got it? Don’t be a super hero, cut yourself some slack, and do the best you can to take care of your Dominant.

Dominants? It’s your turn.

What should you do when your submissive is too sick to function at 100 percent?

Take care of them. Urge them to take their medicine. Order them to rest if you have to. Most of you will notice that us sub-types aren’t good at sitting still and not doing the things that you want us to do or the things we feel we need to do. You might have to strap us to the bed. Use your Dom voice. Exert your control. Much of the time, we’ll keep going until you tell us otherwise. We’re great at taking care of the people around us, and not so much when it comes to taking care of ourselves.

And when you get sick? Lay down, take a nap, and here, drink this, it’s good for you. Yes, the medicine probably tastes like crap, but your submissive is doing their best to take care of you, and sometimes that involves medicine that tastes awful. Just drink it.

Whether your submissive is sick or it’s you, don’t worry about your typical routine too much. And please, please don’t ask a submissive to do a task that only makes them feel worse while they’re sick. Right now, with the way I feel today, I couldn’t imagine kneeling on the floor for Daddy. Thankfully, while I feel like this, that’s the last thing he’s going to let me do.

None of this should come as a surprise. When one of you is sick, your partner should take care of you to the best of their ability – even if that means driving you to the doctor or getting you water. And for those of you who are long distance – I know how hard it is to be apart when you’re healthy, and I know it’s even harder when one of you is sick. Stay in touch constantly. Dominants, you can still exert control even over the phone or Skype – you really do have that much power over us. Take care of yourself for each other so you can get back to kinky fuckery as quickly as possible.

Okay, that’s it for me this week. It’s almost time for me to take more medicine, and I’m sure I need a nap.

Remember to check out this week’s sponsor – KnkiApp – to find new kinky friends or play partners or simply to stay connected with each other when you can’t be together.

Keep it kinky, y’all, and we’ll see you next week.

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