In episode 11, Kayla Lords answers a question from a listener about pubic hair in a D/s relationship, whether it’s a normal expectation of Dominants, and if it’s okay for a submissive to make the same request of their Dominant. Waxing, shaving, or keeping the bush, the answer to what’s normal is that it all comes down to personal preference.
From this episode:
- A follower suggestion! Feel free to send in your own questions or topic suggestions.
- Kayla waxes her pussy – because she prefers it that and because John Brownstone does, too.
- Going bare has plenty of benefits.
- Hair or bare, it’s all about personal preference
- Shaving causes itchy stubble quicker than waxing but it doesn’t freak people out as much as wax.
- Don’t think being hairless is “typical” just because you saw it in porn.
- Pubic hair can be a negotiated term in a D/s relationship.
- Submissives can ask their Dominant to shave or wax – but be prepared to accept the answer, even if it’s “No.”
- There are no ugly pussies – so don’t let that be a reason that stops you.
- For the guys, going hairless can make you look an inch bigger.
Listen on YouTube
You’re listening to Loving BDSM podcast: episode 11. Today, let’s talk about the hair down there! Hey, everybody. Kayla Lords here. Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, glad to have you! If you’re back for another week, welcome back! Loving BDSM is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure and education and show notes are found at kaylalords.com. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite RSS feed or iTunes. If you love what you hear, we’d love a good review on iTunes to help other kinksters find us! You can follow me on Twitter @KaylaLords or stalk John Brownstone at southernsirsplace.com. All links are in the show notes. Now, let’s get into the show.
I got an email from a friend, follower, reader, and fellow submissive and she had both a question and a topic suggestion so yay for that. Consider this proof that I really will consider and use your suggestions. Anyway, she asked about going bare “down there” – you know, on the pussy, the lady garden, or the vajayjay if you prefer.
Her Dominant wanted her to be bare, and she wondered if that was normal, and if it was okay to expect him to go bare. And she asked how John Brownstone and I handle it.
Well, let’s start with me, and then I’ll get into what’s “normal.”
Yes, I keep the pussy smooth and hairless. Every few weeks I make an appointment and get a full Brazilian wax. Full means front, back, slit, ass, NO landing strip, NO hair anywhere.
Yes, part of our agreement when we got together is that I would keep myself smooth and clean for him.
But you have to understand something. That was exactly a hardship for me. I’ve been getting waxed on a regular basis since before I met him. Hell, since before I met my first Dominant. I like being hairless down there. It’s completely a personal preference, and there is no right answer to whether or not you should be willing to either wax or shave.
I wax because I only get stubbly and itchy after about 3 weeks or so. I refuse to shave because two-day stubble sucks. Again, personal preference. My waxes were so important to both of us that we included it in our budget each month. No really, on our household budget spreadsheet – yes, we have one – Wax is a line item.
Some of you cringe at the thought. Not at the no-hair thing but the whole hot wax spread across sensitive bits and hair being pulled out at the roots in those same soft parts. I get it. I have a pretty high pain tolerance (I am a masochist after all) so it doesn’t bother me much. In the past, I’ve had technicians thank me for not screaming. Screaming? The only thing I want to do that will make me scream is get kinky. If my wax was so bad I screamed, we’d have to find another solution.
So, what about the other side of the coin. Does John Brownstone manscape and is it an expectation of mine?
Well, yes, from time to time, he shaves his own manly garden. I’ve never really asked him to do it, and I’ll happily give him a blowjob even when he hasn’t. But I make it clear that I appreciate it when he does.
It’s not a tit for tat kind of thing where since I do it, I think he should. It’s more than that.
No hair means more skin to skin contact. It just feels good when we’re going down on each other, touching each other, and when we fuck.
No getting hair caught in your teeth during oral. In my marriage, I wouldn’t let my ex go down on me for several reasons but one – I swear this is true – was because I hated the sound of him trying to get pubic hair out of his mouth. It was a total mood killer for me.
It feels cleaner. Okay, look, pubic hair is a completely natural thing, and there’s nothing wrong with being thick and bushy. But I have always hated it. I felt less clean with it – and no, this wasn’t due to some weird societal pressure that says we should all look like porn stars. I promise you, I hated the hair down there back in my sexless, pre-masturbation days. I had no idea that porn stars were notorious for smooth pussies until I became a sex blogger.
Okay, so that’s my relationship and what we do. Back to the other part of the question. Is it normal for a Dominant to expect their female submissive to wax or shave their pussies? And is it okay to expect it from your Dominant?
Here’s the deal. Most of our “expectations” are unrealistic. Anyone who’s been into D/s or BDSM for any length of time has figured out – sometimes the hard way – that it’s nothing like the porn you’ve seen. So while yes, in porn, most people – men and women – are hairless, real life is and should be much different.
Can a Dominant negotiate hairless genitals as part of the relationship? Of course they can. But if it’s a hard limit for you as a submissive, you need to make that clear to them.
Can a submissive ask their Dominant to shave or wax? You can always ask but you might be turned down. It could be a hard limit for them or they’re not interested, and as the one in control, they may just say no.
If you want to convince your partner – regardless of your power exchange – to try it, suggest shaving first. Too many people are weirded out by the whole hot wax and hair-ripping thing. I know there are men who get waxed, but they aren’t men I’ve been with. Whenever I mention it to any man, but especially Daddy, he shudders and is quick to say, “Hell no.”
While you’re discussing, make sure to point out that sensations will be heightened. Get graphic. Talk dirty. Whatever gets your partner to perk up and pay attention to the benefits of being bare down there.
Oh, and if all else fails, point out that if everyone’s bare, no one has pubes in their mouth.
For the record, yes, I’m pro bare pussies and cocks but no, I don’t think everyone should feel obligated to do it. In my mind there are clear benefits but we’re all individuals, and you have to do what makes you comfortable – or at least what doesn’t violate your hard limits. In a D/s relationship, even this can be negotiated. And as a submissive, I see nothing wrong with asking a Dominant if they’re willing to shave or wax – especially if they want you to do it for them.
Oh, and for anyone who doesn’t want to wax or shave because they’re afraid their pussy is ugly, stop it right now! Short of some awful accident or botched surgical procedure, you can’t have an ugly pussy! Big lips, thin lips, tucked inside, fat, thin, whatever, all pussies are pretty pussies. And for the guys out there, removing the hair from your crotch might make you look bigger – if that’s important to you. I don’t really care – it’s more about not getting hair stuck in my back teeth – but I thought I’d point that out. You might look an inch bigger. And hell, if you try it and hate it, it’s just hair. It’ll grow back.
Okay, now that I’ve talked about hairless pussies and cocks and got everyone thinking about porn stars, I’m outie! Keep it kinky, y’all, and we’ll see you next week.