To be clear, John Brownstone and I consider ourselves “DD/lg” or Daddy Dom/little girl…although to be really clear, it’s actually DD/bg or Daddy Dom/babygirl. So most people would probably understand if we used DD/lg to talk about the softer, gentler side of D/s.
And we have used that term and we probably will in the future. But we prefer to say — and are moving towards always saying Caregiver/little. What does it mean and why would we say something that doesn’t quite roll off the tongue? We’ve got our reasons.
The first and, to us, most obvious reason is that Caregiver/little is more inclusive. Instead of using one term that points to a specific gender binary or assumes a heterosexual pairing, we’re staying as neutral as possible. Call yourself Daddy, Mommy, or something else? Are you little boy or baby boi? It all has a place in Caregiver/little.
One label to fit them all…
A Clearer Definition
A lot of people balk at the idea of being a Daddy or Mommy as a specific type of Dominant. There are a lot of reasons for that, but much of it has to do with understanding what it all means. When the vast majority of us hear those titles, we think about parenting. But “caregiver” is much more neutral. If you’ve been a caregiver to an aging parent, a sick spouse, or a child, you know that the definition is in the name — you provide care. Daddies, Mommies, and other Doms who fall into this category provide care, too. It’s just a different kind.
Get Past the Squick
We’ve gotten dozens of emails and messages from kinksters who have said some variation of the following:
“I thought DD/lg meant you had to identify with a specific age or pretend to be a kid or was just kind of gross. But your style of DD/lg makes sense to me, and I think I might be a Daddy/Mommy/little, etc.”
The alternative is:
“I always hated the term Daddy/Mommy so I didn’t think we would try it, even though I kind of like elements of it. But it’s not what I thought it was, so maybe I’m ready to learn more.”
This is a moment where labels hurt more than they help. We all have ideas of what something means based on stereotypes, erotica, porn, and just bad information. When you already have a definition of “Daddy” or “little girl” in your head and it involves kids, it’s going to squick you out. Using the term Caregiver/little tends to get people to ask, “What does that mean?” instead of assuming they know and getting grossed out.
Lessen the Assumption About Age Play
Okay, so first things first…age play can be a part of a Caregiver/little dynamic. Some littles identify closely with an age, and part of their dynamic is for the Dominant to assume a parental-like role for this legal, consenting adult who portrays the characteristics of a younger age. Diapers, pacifiers, sippy cups, coloring books, and a lot more may or may not be involved. Yes, this is totally a thing.
However, that’s not true for all Caregiver/little dynamics, and it’s not true all the time even for the kinksters who enjoy it. Because people have such a strong association with the words “Mommy” and “Daddy” and children, kinksters sometimes jump to the conclusion that age play is inherently involved. Speaking as one Caregiver/little dynamic in the world — no, it’s not. We don’t engage in age play because it’s not our thing, and we’re definitely still a Daddy Dom and babygirl combo.
We’re not the creators of “Caregiver/little” — as always, we heard it somewhere and liked it. That means we also don’t own the definition. As always, whether you say DD/lg or Caregiver/little, it’s whatever you make of it in your own power exchange. In episode 142, we’ll discuss the dynamic in greater detail.
Got opinions on Caregiver/little vs. DD/lg or any other name? Share in the comments below or talk to us on Twitter!