For us, sex is very much part of our D/s relationship. All forms of sex. Even those rare occasions when we indulge in slow, sweet lovemaking, there is no doubt who has control. But to me, and I think for both of us, nothing epitomizes the power exchange of our sexual relationship like the sex we have when John Brownstone wakes me up to fuck.
**Note: Full disclaimers in case anyone is new here — no, we don’t think all D/s relationships must be sexual. We don’t think you have to have sex a certain way for it to be kinky. And we don’t think everyone needs to have sex the way we do. This is what we do and how we see it.
On Being Sexually Available
From the moment sex was incorporated into our D/s relationship, our agreement was that I would be sexually available to him. I found the idea of it hot then, and I do now. But reality will always intrude, and thankfully John Brownstone is trustworthy. So he doesn’t use his privilege when I’m sick (physically or mentally) or if I really don’t want to have sex. But he also takes full advantage of our agreement by waking me up for sex.
Rarely this wake up call happens in the wee morning hours, before the alarm is scheduled to go off. Most often, he pulls me to him as the sun rises on an alarm-free weekend. Before I’ve fully gained consciousness, he’s initiating sex.
Could I pull away and say no? If I wanted to do that, yes. Have I asked him not to fuck me too soon before the alarm goes off? Yes, I have, and he stopped doing it. (The reason? After a fuck like that, I’ll go back to sleep but it’s not enough time and I wake up more exhausted than usual.)
I’m A Willing Participant
Being a willing participant and sexually available does not mean I’m required to be full of gusto and thrash around on the bed. Sometimes all he wants is a quick thrust and a simple orgasm. That kinky thing of “being of use” comes fully into play. In that moment I’m little more than a human-sized sex toy and I love it. I can doze through the moment, get the penetration I love (oh gawd, I love having cock or dildo in my cunt), and go back to sleep.
But sometimes, he wants me awake and in the moment. It’s not about the release he gets from an orgasm, although there is that. The fucking is a moment to claim what’s his. It may take me a moment to wake up and become fully aware, but once I am, I feel every second of it. Even if my eyes refuse to open.
This kind of barely-awake, early morning sex is a calmer version of our more primal, rougher fucks. His nails leave red streaks on my back. Red marks blossom on my hips from his fingertips. I squeak and yelp at pinched nipples, pulled hair, and a smacked ass. He whispers dirty, filthy, kinky things in my ear with no desire for an answer. I’m his to use, and use me he does. But he’ll make sure I get the rough fucking I adore in the process.
Early Morning Sex as a Dominant Act
It’s not for everybody, and if our kids were younger, I might have to say no, but being woken up for sex — sometimes sweetly, sometimes roughly — is absolutely a Dominant act. Accepting it, yielding to his desire is a submissive act. Like anything else, there has to be consent. We have to discuss what works and what doesn’t.
Sometimes we do it outside of the moment, when we’re looking back on it. And sometimes, it’s done in the middle.
“That’s too much, Daddy.”
“Make it hurt, Daddy.”
“Give me more, Daddy.”
As with every other part of our D/s relationship, just because I ask for something doesn’t mean I’ll get it. Or that I’ll get it in the way I expect. But my pleasure is (part of) his pleasure, and he still manages to surprise me by giving me more than I ask for.
After our recent podcast episode, where we talked about losing focus in our relationship, a recent early morning fuck felt like a reconnection. We’d recorded our conversation and somehow it had helped. Later, when the sun was fully up, and we were both awake, I thanked him. Sure, we’d been having early morning sex as part of our usual routine, but this time had been different. I’d felt my sexually submissive self, and I’d felt his Dominance in a way I hadn’t for a while. It was refreshing, and I didn’t realize how much I’d missed it until I had it back.
We’re joining in for Kink of the Week because the topic is about sleepy, drowsy, or nighttime sex. And even though we’ve never talked about it this way, we love sleepy sex so much it just might be a kink of ours. To read more perspectives, click the button below.