LovingBDSM

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Understanding the Caregiver/little Dynamic LB142

What it means to be in a Caregiver/little dynamic will be different from relationship to relationship, but that’s not going to stop us from discussing it. We’ll try to make sense of what it can mean, and how you can make it your own thing, if it intrigues you as a  power exchange.

In this episode:

  • Check out our sponsor: Delirium Toys
  • Enter our 3rd anniversary giveaway!
  • Buy some kinky fuckery at our shop and save!
  • We have talked about this topic in a lot of ways, including two specific episodes, but never as one whole episode looking at the dynamic.
  • There are as many ways to be Caregiver/little as there are people who want to do it. There is no single right way.
  • It’s not about children.
  • It’s also not always about age play.
  • You don’t have to use the typical titles or labels like Mommy or Daddy to have a Caregiver/little dynamic.
  • It can be incorporated into other types of power exchanges including firm discipline or sadism/masochism.
  • Responsibilities as a Caregiver/little in the BDSM community — when you’re in public.
  • What it means to be a Caregiver — from John Brownstone’s perspective
  • What it means to be a “little” — from Kayla Lords’ perspective

Links from the show:

Why We Say Caregiver/little Instead of DD/lg (blog post)

Making the Switch from D/s to DD/lg (episode 6)

The Difference Between a Daddy and a Sir (episode 32)

Enter the Loving BDSM Giveaway

The Kinky Fuckery Shop – Use code NEWSHOP to save 10 percent (August 2018 only)

Delirium Toys – Use code LOVEBDSM2018 to save 30 percent (August 2018 only)

The Wood Dom – Use code NEWSHOP to save 10 percent (August 2018 only)

Subscribe on YouTube

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact us!

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

 

Why We Say Caregiver/little Instead of DD/lg

To be clear, John Brownstone and I consider ourselves “DD/lg” or Daddy Dom/little girl…although to be really clear, it’s actually DD/bg or Daddy Dom/babygirl. So most people would probably understand if we used DD/lg to talk about the softer, gentler side of D/s.

And we have used that term and we probably will in the future. But we prefer to say — and are moving towards always saying Caregiver/little. What does it mean and why would we say something that doesn’t quite roll off the tongue? We’ve got our reasons.

More Inclusive

The first and, to us, most obvious reason is that Caregiver/little is more inclusive. Instead of using one term that points to a specific gender binary or assumes a heterosexual pairing, we’re staying as neutral as possible. Call yourself Daddy, Mommy, or something else? Are you little boy or baby boi? It all has a place in Caregiver/little.

One label to fit them all…

A Clearer Definition

A lot of people balk at the idea of being a Daddy or Mommy as a specific type of Dominant. There are a lot of reasons for that, but much of it has to do with understanding what it all means. When the vast majority of us hear those titles, we think about parenting. But “caregiver” is much more neutral. If you’ve been a caregiver to an aging parent, a sick spouse, or a child, you know that the definition is in the name — you provide care. Daddies, Mommies, and other Doms who fall into this category provide care, too. It’s just a different kind.

Get Past the Squick

We’ve gotten dozens of emails and messages from kinksters who have said some variation of the following:

“I thought DD/lg meant you had to identify with a specific age or pretend to be a kid or was just kind of gross. But your style of DD/lg makes sense to me, and I think I might be a Daddy/Mommy/little, etc.”

The alternative is:

“I always hated the term Daddy/Mommy so I didn’t think we would try it, even though I kind of like elements of it. But it’s not what I thought it was, so maybe I’m ready to learn more.”

This is a moment where labels hurt more than they help. We all have ideas of what something means based on stereotypes, erotica, porn, and just bad information. When you already have a definition of “Daddy” or “little girl” in your head and it involves kids, it’s going to squick you out. Using the term Caregiver/little tends to get people to ask, “What does that mean?” instead of assuming they know and getting grossed out.

Lessen the Assumption About Age Play

Okay, so first things first…age play can be a part of a Caregiver/little dynamic. Some littles identify closely with an age, and part of their dynamic is for the Dominant to assume a parental-like role for this legal, consenting adult who portrays the characteristics of a younger age. Diapers, pacifiers, sippy cups, coloring books, and a lot more may or may not be involved. Yes, this is totally a thing.

However, that’s not true for all Caregiver/little dynamics, and it’s not true all the time even for the kinksters who enjoy it. Because people have such a strong association with the words “Mommy” and “Daddy” and children, kinksters sometimes jump to the conclusion that age play is inherently involved. Speaking as one Caregiver/little dynamic in the world — no, it’s not. We don’t engage in age play because it’s not our thing, and we’re definitely still a Daddy Dom and babygirl combo.

We’re not the creators of “Caregiver/little” — as always, we heard it somewhere and liked it. That means we also don’t own the definition. As always, whether you say DD/lg or Caregiver/little, it’s whatever you make of it in your own power exchange. In episode 142, we’ll discuss the dynamic in greater detail.

Got opinions on Caregiver/little vs. DD/lg or any other name? Share in the comments below or talk to us on Twitter!

How to Set Fitness Goals | Fit for Kink

For this week’s Fit for Kink video, instead of talking about achieving goals, let’s discuss how to set fitness goals. I think these tips apply to any goal setting, but since our focus is fitness and weight loss so we can do our kink, thats what I went with.

I consider myself a very goal-oriented person, and these are the things I do to set and achieve my personal and professional goals. Hopefully, they’ll help you, too!

In this video:

  • Trying to set goals that aren’t specific enough get overwhelming very fast.
  • To set yourself up for success, try these steps:
    • Figure out your big, overall goal. What is the thing you ultimately want to happen?
    • Break down that big goal into smaller pieces.
    • Create a timeline for how long you think it might take. Be prepared to adjust this timelines as you deal with the reality of your situation. Adjustments do not equal failure.
    • Think of what you need to do to achieve this smaller goal. Eat a certain amount of calories. Do a specific type of exercise.
    • Make a list of all the things you think you have to do to achieve your goal. Pick 1 to 3 to try for a month. Plan to add more as you develop new habits.
    • Start the process and realize it’s going to be hard and there will be days that you forget or don’t feel like it.
  • When you “mess up” or fall off the wagon, start again the very next day or meal.

Sex Toy Review: When Sex Toys Don’t Live Up to Expectations

We recently tried two sex toys from BuyTailPlugs.com, and while we like the look and feel of the site, we weren’t too impressed with the toys. That’s unfortunate, but not uncommon. We might have had a better outcome if we’d done a bit of research first which ends up being our reminder in our video review:

From the video:

  • All the toys we received came from BuyTailPlugs.com, an online retailer with a definite Caregiver/little vibe (specifically DD/lg). If you feel little and like to surround yourself with that feeling, this is a site to check out.
  • We received two of the three toys requested. (The other arrived after the video was made and will be reviewed in a separate video.) They were the Magic Wand Vibrator (not the Hitachi) — in purple (!!) and a pair of Yes, Daddy panties.
  • It didn’t go well. The quality of both products was not good, and while both could be made to work, it wasn’t the best experience ever.
  • The third missing toy (to be reviewed soon) is a glass tentacle dildo. We expect a better outcome with that because it’s such a simple toy.
  • Our main point focuses on the need to check reviews before you buy a sex toy. Choosing based on color or look might be common, but it doesn’t always mean you get a vibrator or any other toy that you’ll love.

Deciding Who’s Real and Who’s a Fake in the Online BDSM World LB141

Catfishing is something most of us probably already know and worry about in the online dating world. But what about the friends you make and the resources you trust online? How do you figure out who’s fake and who’s real? It’s not easy. But we definitely have thoughts on it, especially if some of those fakes are dispensing bad or dangerous BDSM advice.

In this episode:

  • Check out our sponsor: Delirium Toys
  • Enter our 3rd anniversary giveaway!
  • Buy some kinky fuckery at our shop and save!
  • This week’s episode came by email request from a fellow kinkster trying to navigate the online world of advice and fellow kinksters, trying to figure out who’s real.
  • It’s also timely because of a recent article I read that Molly Moore shared on an epic catfishing betrayal by a woman pretending to be man. Yes, it happens sexually and romantically most often, but not always.
  • People can be anyone they want to be on the internet, and that’s (mostly) okay. But when lies start impacting real people, then it’s problematic.
  • How do you figure out if someone’s real or not?
    • Watch their actions
    • Look for inconsistencies
    • Listen to your instincts. If something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t.
  • Should you speak up or call someone out for their duplicity? It depends and it’s a personal decision.

Links from the show:

Enter the Loving BDSM Giveaway

The Kinky Fuckery Shop – Use code NEWSHOP to save 10 percent (August 2018 only)

Delirium Toys – Use code LOVEBDSM2018 to save 30 percent (August 2018 only)

The Wood Dom – Use code NEWSHOP to save 10 percent (August 2018 only)

Subscribe on YouTube

Become a patron on Patreon

Support the show

Postcard Project

Kayla Lords on Fetlife

John Brownstone on Fetlife

Contact us!

Listen to the show:

iTunes

Google Play

Spotify

Your favorite podcast app!

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